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I was talking to a neighbor today, and she was being so judgemental about another neighbor's 5yo, how it was so awful that she was still in her PJs at 5:00 PM, how she's so shy and it's horrible that she's home all day with her WAHD and how she HAD TO go to school so she could "learn to be around other children."<br><br>
I mean, what's the big deal about wearing pajamas all day? And since when is school such a wonderful place for shy children? I wished I could have been hanging out with her parents ( who are hardly ever outside for me to go chat with them) and reasure them that their DD is fine!<br><br>
I just felt so uncomfortable around this neighbor when she got into this line of discussion. Plus she had some negative things to say about a lot of my lifestyle choices- being religious, the school I'd selected for my kids (that's now going down the tubes and I'm pulling my kids out of), my DD and homeschooling in general- nothing outright rude that I could call her on, just her attitude about the whole thing.<br><br>
Her 4yo is very sweet, her baby is adorable, and her DH is friendly and respectful. I just don't get how she can be so judgemental of anybody who doesn't make the same choices she does!
 

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I would just smile and change the subject abruptly. She might be confused at first, but she'll get it pretty quickly.. (hopefully!) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> Might be easier to just avoid that negative energy altogether, though.
 

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I actually have a neighbor like that. She is EXTREMELY nosy, a horrible gossip and is VERY judgemental about EVERYONE. I hate hearing her dis on everyone in the neighborhood (and can only imagine all the gripes she has about me that she tells everyone else behind my back). She seems to have a gripe and criticism about every household in the neighborhood. Always negatives things about other ppl, but strangely she never has anything NICE to say about anyone!!! She of course, thinks that she is perfect, it drives my DH nuts (he says she thinks her poop doesn't stink).<br><br>
I often wonder if she is so judgemental about others in order to make herself feel better. I get the feeling she is very insecure, but doesn't want ppl to know it, so she just goes around making it sound as if everyone else around her is an idiot. Most insecure ppl I know do this, they put down or say bad things about other ppl, to make themselves feel like they are better than the other person. I think that some ppl are just like this. I think part of the reason she does/acts like this is b/c she is bored too and thinks that by talking about neighbors, it gives you something in common to talk about. With this neighbor, I have a difficult time responding to her. Usually, I say something like, "really?" Or I may say something like, "well, I've never noticed her doing that before." I don't like to give her the satisfaction of agreement, which I think drives her nuts, lol. I just see her as a constant whiner. She always has to have something to whine about, it's seems to be a big part of her personality. One of those ppl who is never happy.
 

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These folks live out their own little hells as far as I am concerned. Soon, no one will listen to her or talk to her at all.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Usually people judge others for what they are most insecure about in themselves. Frequently, they don't even realize that they are insecure about those things, they may think they are superior and not realize that feeling doesn't fully extend deep down.<br><br>
I have found that I just can't have people like that in my life. I used to be much more judgmental, and the few friends I had that were as bad or worse than me fed me this negative energy and I sucked it up. Now it just makes me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:. I can't imagine feeling like those attitudes are okay and having people who are really judgmental around me brings me down. It's toxic and I try to stay away like the plague.
 

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heehee! There IS something about dads and kids in PJs, though. If I leave in the AM for church or something, I will lay forty bucks down that the kids will still be in PJs when I get back at 1 PM. Or later.<br><br>
With people like that I just look really doe-eyed and ask a lot of questions and make it look like I'm really super-naive. Like a 3-year-old<br><br>
"Really? <i>Is</i> it bad to wear jammies in the evening? Why?<br><br>
Why?<br><br>
Why?"<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mamma Mia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935193"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Usually people judge others for what they are most insecure about in themselves. <snip>..... having people who are really judgmental around me brings me down. It's toxic and I try to stay away like the plague.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br><br>
Maybe you need a shirt with Mamma Mia's sig on it: judgement and snark are not activism.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mamma Mia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935193"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Usually people judge others for what they are most insecure about in themselves. Frequently, they don't even realize that they are insecure about those things, they may think they are superior and not realize that feeling doesn't fully extend deep down.<br><br>
I have found that I just can't have people like that in my life. I used to be much more judgmental, and the few friends I had that were as bad or worse than me fed me this negative energy and I sucked it up. Now it just makes me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:. I can't imagine feeling like those attitudes are okay and having people who are really judgmental around me brings me down. It's toxic and I try to stay away like the plague.</div>
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I agree and i love the other p's post about comebacks..its funny...
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>eightyferrettoes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935210"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">With people like that I just look really doe-eyed and ask a lot of questions and make it look like I'm really super-naive. Like a 3-year-old<br><br>
"Really? <i>Is</i> it bad to wear jammies in the evening? Why?<br><br>
Why?<br><br>
Why?"<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"></div>
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<span>I have done this! Either they try to find a way to explain it, which is amusing, or they get that they should stop acting like such a buttweasel and move on which is...mission accomplished. lol <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/whistling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="whistle"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mischievous.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="mischief"><br></span>
 

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Many negative people would not describe themselves as negative. I think it often becomes a way of being and they are unware of the severity. Some of the pp's suggestions would have her thinking and being more aware of what she's saying.<br><br>
I really find myself choosing as much as possible not to spend any amount of time with negativity. I have become very good at walking away from conversations in the disguise of chasing after my toddler<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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buttweasel.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>UnschoolnMa</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935364"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><span>I have done this!<br></span></div>
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And you're <i>so</i> good at it. I always wondered if that was a Buddhist thing, or if that's just USM skills in action. My religious future hangs on your response. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>eightyferrettoes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935210"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">With people like that I just look really doe-eyed and ask a lot of questions and make it look like I'm really super-naive. Like a 3-year-old<br><br>
"Really? <i>Is</i> it bad to wear jammies in the evening? Why?<br><br>
Why?<br><br>
Why?"<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"></div>
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Totally! And the icing on the cake is when you tell them that YOU wear jammies in the evening. The backtracking is a sight to behold.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jennisee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935480"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Totally! And the icing on the cake is when you tell them that YOU wear jammies in the evening. The backtracking is a sight to behold.</div>
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I happen to own an ankle length, long sleeved, blue terrycloth nightgown that I would never take off if I didn't have to wash it. I hate laundry. Why create more by actually getting dressed? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Plus, my kids are rarely dressed more than halfway...shirt, no pants, pants, no shirt, no matter what I put them in. And they NEVER wear shoes. And yes, we go outside all the time like this, even to check the mail! (gasp!)<br><br>
ETA: and THIS, my friends, is why Flylady never worked for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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I agree -I think people are judgemental like that because it makes them feel superior. I try and avoid them if possible. They can't have much going on in their lifes if they have to worry about every little detail of other people's.<br><br>
ftr we frequently change into pyjamas as soon as we get home as they are comfy so often have them on at 5pm<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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What's so important about learning to be around other children? Unless she's aspiring to be a Kindergarten teacher, what possible real-life application is there for the much-emphasized skill of learning to function in a room full of 5 yr olds?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mesa</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935550"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">ETA: and THIS, my friends, is why Flylady never worked for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"></div>
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snort. The shoes!!! You neglected the magic shoes!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mamma Mia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7935685"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You can't forget full makeup so you can go shine your sink!</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Flylady cracks me up. But, dangit, somehow, it works!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: = 80 in mascara, dutifully shining sink.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/caffix.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="coffee"> <-- Mamma Mia with last night's eyeliner smudged under her eyes, sitting in her filthy kitchen with a sink full of dishes wondering when they're gonna do themselves.
 
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