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I have every reason to be happy. I have a loving husband, 2 great doggies, and a beautiful 2 month old little girl who is learning everything about the world from me a little bit at a time, but I just keep thinking about all these negative things that aren't completely even negatives. Like, how will we afford everything? Will my parents be proud of me as a parent? Will I ever be as successful as my brother? I just look at all these other people who are happy and content and wish I was them. I wish I was anyone but me and I have NO REASON to wish that. I try so hard to shake it, but I can't. That makes me so freaking mad at myself b/c in a lot of other people's opinion, they'd think my life was pretty much perfect. Why doesn't this little girl fill in all the gaps for me?

Why doesn't she make me the happiest woman on earth?
 

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I get what you are saying. At times I have a nagging feeling/sad feeling like my life isn't everything it should or suppose to be (at these times I try to remember that I am truly blessed). I think we are kinda of programmed in this society to always want more, be more, do more, etc. This is so frustrating!!!!. Also as I get older I realize that mostly everyone has issues/problems. We never really know what is going on behind other peoples closed doors. So give yourself a break. Try not to compare yourself to others (of course easier said than done). And at times I feel like our kids don't feel in the gaps (making us happy) because that really isn't their job. I know after I had kids I felt like my stress/worry increased.
: !!! They definitely do make me happy (mostly
: ) but I don't want them to be responsible for my happiness. Sending hugs your way, Nikki
 

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I have thought about this question a lot. I only really have one goal in life, and that is to be happy. I have spent many hours in contemplation of this goal. First I think that sometimes it is just chemical. One time I took St Johns Wort for a few months and it helped me over a hurdle - suddenly (well about 4 weeks after I started) I realized how wonderful life was. But besides the chemical stuff I really think the key is doing what you know is right. Everyday we are faced with decisions .. we can make the right choice or the easy choice. The more "right" choices I make, the better I feel about myself and the happier I am. And one other thing I have found is I feel empty when I am not contributing in some way to the world at large. So I try to find some way to make my contribution ... it seems to help a lot. So not to say that I am miss happy go-lucky ... I have plenty of struggles ... but I thought I would share my thoughts. (since I have plenty of them)
 

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I thought I would add one experience I had too. My daughter played soccer with a little girl. I thought her family was just perfect. Dad was a Dr. .... Mom had a little children's bookstore. Two wonderful little girls. Nice house, great friends, well integrated in the community. One day this mom turned up missing, they found her a month later in at the bottom of a lake wearing a backback full of rocks. So you really don't know how wonderful somebody else's life is - it may seem to be ... but you really never know
 

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Exactly, people may appear perfect on the outside but really suffering inside. Yet it is so easy to get caught up in the appearance of things because it is the first thing we see. So I try to hang around people who are about "keeping it real", meaning that they are not afraid to admit problems, mistakes, etc.- they are human. I tried hanging out with some folks that appeared to "have it all together" and I didn't fit in. So surround yourself with people who are supportive and understand that we all are trying to make it day by day
: .
 

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You can't be happy because you are depressed ;P Sorry, trying to lighten the mood a little. But seriously, the thought patterns you are describing (known as rumination) are hallmarks of PPD, or any depression, really. I think it's unrealistic that society tries to paint the picture that an infant will make us endlessly happy and help every unresolved issue in our lives. It just doesn't happen, and we don't have to buy into it. I love my daughter more than anything, but it's not her job to make me happy. Babies are a lot of work, and yours is still at a stage where getting out is tough and there's not a lot of interaction and reward. There's nothing wrong with you or her. You're in the thick of the hardest part of early motherhood, and this just doesn't get acknowledged enough.

I saw you mentioned meds in another thread, but are you able to do some sessions with a therapist as well? Thoughts like you describe can absolutely be helped or lessened by cognitive behavioral therapy.
 
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