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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I think I have a problem. I have a HORRIBLE temper. I try to be calm with our 8 month old daughter, but I just lose it. I cannot stand when she whines or fusses or wiggles away from me. I blow up over stupid things and I need some help here. My husband is concerned. I have slapped her hand and her bum, which I only hurt her feelings, I never do anything hard enough to hurt her physically. One time Shawn came into her bedroom in the middle of the night (the baby was sick and had not slept at all and I was sleeping on her floor) I never woke up or realized this but she was crying and I was shaking her (Shawn said not really a SHAKE, but close enough) telling her to shut up. Shawn WOKE me and was like STOP IT.. I was so upset I started crying. I had no idea what I was doing... I am scared that my yelling at her and being so critical is going to scar her in some way and worse off I will hurt her physically.<br><br>
My husband is more of an attachment parent than I am and I have a hard time wanting to be with the baby 24/7. I hated CO- sleeping and so didn't Abrielle for the most part, but Shawn wants to co-sleep, it just makes me feel like less of a parent...<br><br>
Any suggestions??
 

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Could you be depressed?<br><br>
I had horrible PPD starting about 4-6 mos after the birth of my daughter. I didn't <i>think</i> I was depressed, but I was angry and short-tempered all the time. It eventually escalated to suicidal ideation, but that took a few months. In the mean time, I just seemed like a horrible, unloving, unattached mother. I couldn't stand my DD crying, I couldn't understand why she just wouldn't leave me alone, I really didn't want much to do with her.<br><br>
Starting Zoloft and therapy were amazing for me, and now I'm pretty much the mother I've always wanted to be.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>crazydiamond</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9912918"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Could you be depressed?<br><br>
I had horrible PPD starting about 4-6 mos after the birth of my daughter. I didn't <i>think</i> I was depressed, but I was angry and short-tempered all the time. It eventually escalated to suicidal ideation, but that took a few months. In the mean time, I just seemed like a horrible, unloving, unattached mother. I couldn't stand my DD crying, I couldn't understand why she just wouldn't leave me alone, I really didn't want much to do with her.<br><br>
Starting Zoloft and therapy were amazing for me, and now I'm pretty much the mother I've always wanted to be.</div>
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OMG THAT IS ME!!! I have always had depression issues and with Abrielle they have gotten worse. Lately I have been really insecure with DH and it is SAD. I knew I had PPD right after I had her. My birth didn't go as planned and we failed at bfing and I felt this MAJOR rejection from DD. Quite honestly I feel as though DD doesn't really love me or like me and the rejection is horrible. When she won't take to the breast or calm down in my arms I feel like a failure... Maybe I do need to see a therapist...
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NaturalMindedMomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9912876"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I have a problem. I have a HORRIBLE temper. I try to be calm with our 8 month old daughter, but I just lose it. I cannot stand when she whines or fusses or wiggles away from me. I blow up over stupid things and I need some help here. My husband is concerned. I have slapped her hand and her bum, which I only hurt her feelings, I never do anything hard enough to hurt her physically. One time Shawn came into her bedroom in the middle of the night (the baby was sick and had not slept at all and I was sleeping on her floor) I never woke up or realized this but she was crying and I was shaking her (Shawn said not really a SHAKE, but close enough) telling her to shut up. Shawn WOKE me and was like STOP IT.. I was so upset I started crying. I had no idea what I was doing... I am scared that my yelling at her and being so critical is going to scar her in some way and worse off I will hurt her physically.<br><br>
My husband is more of an attachment parent than I am and I have a hard time wanting to be with the baby 24/7. I hated CO- sleeping and so didn't Abrielle for the most part, but Shawn wants to co-sleep, it just makes me feel like less of a parent...<br><br>
Any suggestions??</div>
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It sounds like you're having a really rough time. I had an abusive parent growing up and I've found that it does affect me as a parent -- I have to work very VERY hard at dealing with my children gently and with compassion. My first impulse when they're being challenging is to yell and to hit. I don't do it, but I WANT to. If the urge becomes too strong I'll leave the room completely, shut myself in the bathroom or my own room and stay away from the children until I have control of myself again. Do you come from an abusive background? It may be impacting your parenting. Given that you're doing things that may harm the baby (even though it's happening in your sleep, it's still happening) I think immediate therapy might be a good idea for you. You need to find out what's causing this rage and you need to find ways of dealing with your emotions and with the frustration of parenting so you provide your daughter the loving emotional foundation she needs and deserves.<br><br>
Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you're able to find resolution and solutions soon.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NaturalMindedMomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9912977"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">OMG THAT IS ME!!! I have always had depression issues and with Abrielle they have gotten worse. Lately I have been really insecure with DH and it is SAD. I knew I had PPD right after I had her. My birth didn't go as planned and we failed at bfing and I felt this MAJOR rejection from DD. <b>Quite honestly I feel as though DD doesn't really love me or like me and the rejection is horrible.</b> When she won't take to the breast or calm down in my arms I feel like a failure... Maybe I do need to see a therapist...</div>
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My mother felt this way about me and her constant crap about how I never bonded to her made the whole situation worse. We haven't spoken in over 10 years. She is bipolar and I think the depressive parts of her illness caused these issues.<br><br>
Go to a therapist. Now.<br><br>
And it isn't your baby's job to bond to you as much as your job to facilitate bonding. That is too much responsibility for a baby.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NaturalMindedMomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9912977"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">OMG THAT IS ME!!! I have always had depression issues and with Abrielle they have gotten worse. Lately I have been really insecure with DH and it is SAD. I knew I had PPD right after I had her. My birth didn't go as planned and we failed at bfing and I felt this MAJOR rejection from DD. Quite honestly I feel as though DD doesn't really love me or like me and the rejection is horrible. When she won't take to the breast or calm down in my arms I feel like a failure... Maybe I do need to see a therapist...</div>
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I totally understand. I've been there too.<br><br>
I really do think you should see a therapist. If you feel comfortable with prescription drugs, discuss this with therapist (most can't prescribe, but can help you find someone who can). Otherwise, maybe see and herbalist or a natural-minded practitioner for other options.<br><br>
Rarely do I think this kind of thing gets better at it's own. Even at best, it'll probably stay the same. I know you want what's best for your kids, but sometimes the depression twists our minds around so much that we can't see things for how they are. The sooner you get help the sooner you'll get better. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Oh mama, I was in a similar situation months ago. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> It was before I knew I had PPD. It is quite possible that's what could be wrong. Maybe you could also try posting in the PPD forum and get the opinions of the mamas there? I would get some help if I were you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> After I started taking Zoloft, it got much better. Also, not getting enough sleep and never getting any time to yourself could make it worse, so maybe try to have your DH help you with that.<br><br>
Best wishes.
 

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You sound like you're having a really hard time. I agree with PP regarding PPD... visiting a therapist etc.<br><br><br>
Good Luck.<br><br><br><br><br>
Peace
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lalaland42</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9913058"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My mother felt this way about me and her constant crap about how I never bonded to her made the whole situation worse. We haven't spoken in over 10 years. She is bipolar and I think the depressive parts of her illness caused these issues.<br><br>
Go to a therapist. Now.<br><br>
And it isn't your baby's job to bond to you as much as your job to facilitate bonding. That is too much responsibility for a baby.</div>
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I never said it was her job. I was just expressing MY feelings. Thanks for the clarification though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>all in green</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9912993"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It sounds like you're having a really rough time. I had an abusive parent growing up and I've found that it does affect me as a parent -- I have to work very VERY hard at dealing with my children gently and with compassion. My first impulse when they're being challenging is to yell and to hit. I don't do it, but I WANT to. If the urge becomes too strong I'll leave the room completely, shut myself in the bathroom or my own room and stay away from the children until I have control of myself again. Do you come from an abusive background? It may be impacting your parenting. Given that you're doing things that may harm the baby (even though it's happening in your sleep, it's still happening) I think immediate therapy might be a good idea for you. You need to find out what's causing this rage and you need to find ways of dealing with your emotions and with the frustration of parenting so you provide your daughter the loving emotional foundation she needs and deserves.<br><br>
Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you're able to find resolution and solutions soon.</div>
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<br>
Yes, my father was abusive (as was his father). I am just so angry. Angry at my husband, angry at my dd, angry at life... I am going to find a therapist.. NOW
 

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NMM-Trust me, GO SEEK HELP. I ignored my ppd for waaaay too long and I regret it so much now. I never hit my dd, but I yelled and was short tempered with her for silly things like not sleeping or crying in the car. I felt very alone and like if I were just a better mother I could handle it. Not true. PPD is very real and very scary. Please please go and see your doctor/midwife/therapist. I am totally against drugs/meds, but I WILL take them again if I feel that way after dd2 is born. I can't do that to my kids again.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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((hugs)) I'm glad you are on the road to finding help, it doesn't have to be like this. The best gift you can give to your daughter is getting yourself healthy. I also think it must of taken alot for you to post this and am glad you were able to get it out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NaturalMindedMomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9913220"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yes, my father was abusive (as was his father). I am just so angry. Angry at my husband, angry at my dd, angry at life... I am going to find a therapist.. NOW</div>
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That's great that you are going to get help. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> You might want to try to find a therapist that has experience and is understanding of PPD issues.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NaturalMindedMomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9913182"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I never said it was her job. I was just expressing MY feelings. Thanks for the clarification though.</div>
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Sorry, that was actually directed at my mother who did think it was my job to bond perfectly to her. It sounded snarky and I apologize.<br><br>
Being depressed is tough, I used to suffer from depression myself and if I don't follow my own "anti-depression lifestyle techniques", I find myself short tempered and irritable. I have found for me that frequent, intense exercise, eating healthy (low sugar diet) and the occasional dose of rescue remedy is enough to keep me from becoming depressed. It has taken many years to figure out a lifestyle that works for me though and without a therapist and a year of medication, I don't think I would have got here. I have also found when I go off my diet/exercise regimen, I can't stand being touched as much. It is almost like I go into sensory overload from being touched.<br><br>
Anyway, I hope some of this helps. As the daughter of someone who is like this, I hope you find someone to help you. Part of what drew me to AP is the fact I have always felt alone, largely due to the disconnect with my mother. She decided not to get help but I hope you will.<br><br>
Best wishes.
 

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If I were you I would go see a therapist and figure out if you have PPD. I've never had it, but I remember Brooke Shields talking about how she felt and the things she did and it sounds very similiar. I would go see someone asap before you do something to yourself or your baby that you would deeply regret. I think sometimes it's hard to realize when you are depressed. I was depressed as a teen and went on anti depressants and it made my life so much better. I really had no idea that I was depressed until I wasn't anymore! I hope you get some good advice and the help you need mama! And remember we are here for you day or night!
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lalaland42</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9913374"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Sorry, that was actually directed at my mother who did think it was my job to bond perfectly to her. It sounded snarky and I apologize.<br><br>
Being depressed is tough, I used to suffer from depression myself and if I don't follow my own "anti-depression lifestyle techniques", I find myself short tempered and irritable. I have found for me that frequent, intense exercise, eating healthy (low sugar diet) and the occasional dose of rescue remedy is enough to keep me from becoming depressed. It has taken many years to figure out a lifestyle that works for me though and without a therapist and a year of medication, I don't think I would have got here. I have also found when I go off my diet/exercise regimen, I can't stand being touched as much. It is almost like I go into sensory overload from being touched.<br><br>
Anyway, I hope some of this helps. As the daughter of someone who is like this, I hope you find someone to help you. Part of what drew me to AP is the fact I have always felt alone, largely due to the disconnect with my mother. She decided not to get help but I hope you will.<br><br>
Best wishes.</div>
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Sorry for my sarcasm as well. I figured it just reall hit home for you. I really hope things continue to work for you as well...<br><br><br>
So I just called a therapist and left a message and am waiting for an intake nurse to call me back... I just don't want her to feel the way I did and DO still. I love her so much and my husband too. I want them to both be able to love me and be around me and I WANT TO LOVE ME TOO... I never have.
 

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Thank you so so much everyone.. I am going to REALLY work on this...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Tomorrow at 12 is my first appointment! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I had serious problems with rage while pregnant and after giving birth, particularly the second time. Not so much this last time.<br><br>
I HAD to go on medication. The sleep walking/acting out is a BIG BIG warning. Please take it early as the warning it is.<br><br>
I would in my sleep start looking for my baby, patting my bed, whimper. I a couple of time punched the bed (I know though in my sleep I was aiming for the bed not the baby....I was just so frustrated that even in my sleep I was looking for outlets.) I did once punch my husband who woke me from a nightmare during that time though.<br><br>
Please also go see your doctor, and get everything checked out.<br><br>
I have since found that SAM-e (L-methionine), lecithin, lipotrophics and cod liver oil and gingko biloba help. Phosphatidylserine (PS) helped with the extreme difficulty in concentrating that was also adding to my frustration.<br><br>
It can get better.
 
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