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Why can't I stop?

763 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Shiloh
I'm 26 yrs old, I have been very self destructive my whole life. I constantly pick and eat my scabs and boogers.I'm pretty sure this is because I have done it so long that It's obsessive. I don't even realize I'm doing most of the time, and when I do I Think that's the last time,self, no more. Then I catch me doing it again.
This hurts me even more and makes me hate myself even more to think my 3 kids see me do it. And they all pick their nose, only my youngest does it the most and I've caught him putting them in his mouth too.
I am in a relationship with the dad of my children. We've been together 7 yrs. He has an anger issue which I have used as a extension of my self-abuse to get him to the point of hitting me. He is doing much better but When I get down In that hole, I gnag and gnag until We fight.
I have left him before but it did not change my own behavior. We both want to get help. And I know It will begin with me, I just know in my heart.
I need to heal and finding this site forum has broke me down. I hope someone will be able to help me to recovery!
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Have you considered therapy. This would be a good place to start.
I had some therapy a couple of times but I felt embarassed and ridiculed by the counselors, they put me on zoloft and I made me much more tense, grinding my teeth and picking more wellbutrin didn't work either so when I moved AGAIN I even tried to find more counseling. I feel like I have the strength and knowledge to overcome this I just need some one to talk to about it. I don't think I'll find them in an office! Thanks for the reply though
There are tons of meds out there so keep looking. Also there are many ways to do therapy so look for a therapist who is able to help you feel comfortable. This is not a problem that is going to be 'fixed' in 3-4 sessions. You could be looking at long-term therapy. And it is you that will have to do the work, not the therapist.
Well, I can relate a lot to your story. I've dealt with a lot of that same kind of stuff in my life and it is a lot of work to deal with it.
I know from experience that there are so many different styles when it comes to therapy. When I first went to counseling it was great but then they sent me to a therapy group and when they asked me once (maybe my second time there) what I do to deal with anxiety and I said I cut myself the therapist said "well, that's stupid! What do you do that for?". Obviously that was not the group for me.

Anyway, although it is a lot of work I have found good therapists over the years who match my values and way of thinking, etc. Also, the same goes for medication and psychiatrists. I have been through it with that, but over all I have recieved a lot of help. There are so many new meds these days and therapists are getting smarter about things (for the most part).

I urge you to not give up on talking to someone professionally. The relationship you have with your partner I can also relate to and it would be helpful to have a person outside of the relationship to help you keep perspective and stuff.

just my 2 cents
my heart goes out to you because I know what it's like to struggle with that stuff
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Consider finding a psychologist, rather than a psychiatrist - psychologists are PH.Ds who have studying therapy - Psychiatrists are doctors who have specialized in mental health. A psychologist can't prescribe, they are going to focus on the therapy aspect more than the drugs, though they may suggest a drug or work with a psychiatrist who might prescribe some, their focus is on the talking and listening and I think that can make a big difference.

I also am a big believer in looking until you find someone you click with - if you don't feel comfortable after a few sessions find someone new - its not you - its them, their JOB is to make you feel comfortable enough to talk to them and analyze your behavior and work on a solution, if they can't provide that environment for you, then they aren't doing their job well enough, find someone else.

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I am a picker. There are many things that contribute to the urge to pick, its actually a hold over from the days where we'd sit around and pick lice out of eachother for hours like monkeys

First identify you like to pick. Find things that you can pick when you get the urge - sweater lint, gardening, filling holes in walls is great fun for me, if you have tools for picking put them away, put away any mirrors and spend little time with yourself naked - put clothing on that covers anything you might pick. also you might have skin issues like KP, acne that turn on the picking urge.

But OCD also has other aspects of it that can complicate your life.
Irrational stray thoughts, inability to switch gears and get your mind onto something else, strange fears about things that paralyze you (diseases, filth)
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