This isn't another "help me stop yelling" thread, although maybe it is, in a way....
I'm a recovering yeller. My parents and DH's parents yelled at us as discipline when we were kids, and now we do it too, but we're trying to be more gentle. I have been working really hard on my anger and frustration and I think I'm making progress. I let the little things slide. I speak quietly when I'm getting ready to lose it, instead of yelling instantly. I use logical consequences when necessary.
It seemed like things were getting better, but DS (3.5) is getting WORSE! I have not had a single interaction with him in the past three days that didn't end in me yelling. Even just talking to him, I say something, he ignores me. I ask if he heard me (I know he did, he's RIGHT THERE), nothing. I ask again, louder, and he doesn't answer til I yell at him. This is just in conversation, but of course it's even worse when trying to correct undesirable behaviors like throwing toys or biting Daddy, or jumping on furniture.I am trying to use more positive statements, like "be gentle" instead of "stop that" but sometimes it just doesn't work. Either way, I say it nicely with no response. I yell, I get a response (sometimes, and sometimes I lose it and send him to his room so I can get some time without him being annoying/without having to yell at him.
We have had lots of conversations after the yelling about how I'd prefer it if he could respond when I use my nice voice so I don't need to use my mean voice. I don't like using my mean voice, and it makes us both unhappy, etc. He tells me, "It's okay." But it doesn't change anything. And I can see that it's affecting him and it's getting us in a vicious cycle where he then craves even more attention, b/c I'm doing my best to avoid him so I don't have to yell, or b/c I'm just done.
I don't know what to do. It seems the longer I wait to yell, the worse it gets. Sadly, it seems like the yelling is getting results, but at what cost? There is no way I want to continue this way, for either of our sakes. Time away from each other isn't helping at all. I had the whole morning to myself today and yesterday, and it didn't make a bit of difference in my patience level once DS came home b/c he is so relentless.
I'm a recovering yeller. My parents and DH's parents yelled at us as discipline when we were kids, and now we do it too, but we're trying to be more gentle. I have been working really hard on my anger and frustration and I think I'm making progress. I let the little things slide. I speak quietly when I'm getting ready to lose it, instead of yelling instantly. I use logical consequences when necessary.
It seemed like things were getting better, but DS (3.5) is getting WORSE! I have not had a single interaction with him in the past three days that didn't end in me yelling. Even just talking to him, I say something, he ignores me. I ask if he heard me (I know he did, he's RIGHT THERE), nothing. I ask again, louder, and he doesn't answer til I yell at him. This is just in conversation, but of course it's even worse when trying to correct undesirable behaviors like throwing toys or biting Daddy, or jumping on furniture.I am trying to use more positive statements, like "be gentle" instead of "stop that" but sometimes it just doesn't work. Either way, I say it nicely with no response. I yell, I get a response (sometimes, and sometimes I lose it and send him to his room so I can get some time without him being annoying/without having to yell at him.
We have had lots of conversations after the yelling about how I'd prefer it if he could respond when I use my nice voice so I don't need to use my mean voice. I don't like using my mean voice, and it makes us both unhappy, etc. He tells me, "It's okay." But it doesn't change anything. And I can see that it's affecting him and it's getting us in a vicious cycle where he then craves even more attention, b/c I'm doing my best to avoid him so I don't have to yell, or b/c I'm just done.
I don't know what to do. It seems the longer I wait to yell, the worse it gets. Sadly, it seems like the yelling is getting results, but at what cost? There is no way I want to continue this way, for either of our sakes. Time away from each other isn't helping at all. I had the whole morning to myself today and yesterday, and it didn't make a bit of difference in my patience level once DS came home b/c he is so relentless.