Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 21 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Again, I looked at an acquaintance's newborn baby photos on a social networking site and saw a couple photos of the parents bottle feeding the baby while in the hospital. Why do I get so upset when I see photos like this? I barely know these people and yet I want to break down crying. I don't know anything about their reasons for not breastfeeding. I feel so sad for the baby that he isn't getting something as special as colostrum. I guess I need to stop clicking on new baby photos if something so small is going to make me so upset! Thanks for listening to me, I don't really expect any response to this. I just didn't have anyone else to share my feelings with at the moment. ~Anna
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,318 Posts
I have photos of both my kids being bottle fed as small newborns, either by daddy or by an older sibling. It is pumped breastmilk in the bottle and only about half an ounce--done just for the photo-op. Then the kid got the tap. I only fed my son from the bottle one time, myself, which was when the daycare provider had just started feeding him and I showed up an hour early. (Pumped when we got home...)

She might have had bad advice that if her milk has not come in after 1-2 days, it means it is not going to. She might have to go back to work so soon that to her, it is not worth it to even get started breastfeeding. BFing can be difficult when you are just learning, so I can see not wanting to "spoil" the time you have together dealing with it. Dad may have offered to deal with the night wakings. Of course, we all know what often happens--mom formula feeds the baby so dad can help with feeding the baby. By the time baby is off the bottle, we can count on our hands, with fingers left over, how many times dad got up and took care of the feeding (bonus for without prompting and when mom is home); some moms are squicked out by breastfeeding--"my breasts are my husband's toys" (my mom); others just want their bodies back and want to be able to drink and party...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,855 Posts
I watch "A Baby Story"
: and almost EVERY episode they show the baby being bottle fed formula (or EBM) before a breastfeeding relationship is established and almost EVERY time they show the mom or dad saying, "the dr said my milk wouldn't come in for a few days so we are supplementing until then" It is absolutely maddening! (I really need to stop watching it, because I get mad almost.every.time)

Anyway my point is: even if they plan on bfing they could get awful advice from their doc or the hospital staff and therefore put a bottle in the babe's mouth first.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,243 Posts
I feel the same way too Anna! The other day I saw a mom, little girl, and new babe shopping at target. I looked in the cart and saw a big container of formula.
I don't know why I felt so upset, felt sorry for the baby, etc. Like the previous posters, I try to think positively....maybe it's to supplement or something. At least if that momma was giving the baby a bottle while shopping at target, I could at least consider that it was pumped milk, but I couldn't even do that
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
496 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lydiah View Post
i saw a newborn at a kids party and i felt the same way, even stranger, i wanted to pick it up and nurse it myself. i am such a weirdo.

nak
me too ! My sister refused to even try to b/f her kids and I really fight my sadness when it comes to seeing my own nephews and other family members being bottle fed. I am really trying to look past it and be a good influence. But I too have thought of b/f other babies. One of my friends says ''youu can't nurse them all''. Kinda makes me feel better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,145 Posts
I feel the same way. It is hard to see sometimes.

I try to invent situations in my head for them. It is EBM in the bottle, the baby is adopted, the mom has a serious low supply problem, etc.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,431 Posts
I was in the grocery store earlier this week with a can of formula in my cart. It was because, post-surgery, I was taking a medication that was incompatible with BFing. So, although I was going to extraordinary lengths to pump so as not to lose my supply, I needed to use formula to get us through those 10 days. And thank god it was there to sustain my baby when I was unable to.

It was one of the hardest, most emotionally-charged times of my motherhood, but my efforts paid off, and now my babe is being BFed again (
), but yes there was formula in my cart, and there are pictures of DH bottle-feeding her.

So when you see stuff like that, no, you don't necessarily have any idea what's going on in those people's lives or how hard they're working to give their kids the very best they're able to at the time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,488 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by columbusmomma View Post
I feel the same way too Anna! The other day I saw a mom, little girl, and new babe shopping at target. I looked in the cart and saw a big container of formula.
I don't know why I felt so upset, felt sorry for the baby, etc. Like the previous posters, I try to think positively....maybe it's to supplement or something. At least if that momma was giving the baby a bottle while shopping at target, I could at least consider that it was pumped milk, but I couldn't even do that

People who don't even try to BF infuriate me, too. But can we try to be a little gentle with each other?
I take domperidone and pump after every feed and I still need to give my LO formula in a Lact-Aid.
Imagining the judgmental thoughts of others in the supermarket when I'm working SO hard to BF him doesn't help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
814 Posts
How can we be sure these mommas didn't try to bf, or are bf'ing and need to supplement, or have adopted their babies, or etc. It makes me sad to see my OWN ds with his bottle of ebm while i'm at work (that's my own issue), but I try not to judge other mama's by what I see in their shopping cart. I think 95% of us are trying to do the best we can.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,027 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Megan73 View Post
People who don't even try to BF infuriate me, too. But can we try to be a little gentle with each other?
I take domperidone and pump after every feed and I still need to give my LO formula in a Lact-Aid.
Imagining the judgmental thoughts of others in the supermarket when I'm working SO hard to BF him doesn't help.
Oh Megan73...you are working to bf. I'm sorry you have to work so hard at it. Good for you, for keeping with it. You are a GREAT mama!!!
Your post makes me think twice about 'judging' those who formula feed. It isn't my choice to make, but it is really hard for me to handle when I hear of mama's not even trying to bf and for no good reason. If some are unable to for a medical reason or something, that is one thing. It is so hard to handle when mama's don't want to because of what our country has made breasts out to be...JUST sexual parts, and not what they are also for...breastfeeding. Ya know?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,391 Posts
Occasionally it makes me sad and then I realize I don't know why the baby is using a bottle or whats in it. My youngest spent 4 days in the NICU and came home refusing the breast so I had to bottle feed her until I got her back on. I felt aweful about it (even though it was breastmilk in the bottle 90% of the time) and I still do. I went to the store to get pump parts and formula (we had an accident with the milk I had pumped and I knew we wouldn't have enough to get by) and was so self concious about it for just this reason. People are really judgemental about whatever parenting decisions you make and I was upset about it enough already without someone making a comment. Im lucky to have been able to get her back to the breast the night we got back from the hospital but some women aren't so lucky. I don't think Ill get upset over a bottle again unless I know its because they didn't want to.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,549 Posts
I must admit I feel sad about it too, but more so when I know the story. A friend of mine sat ff her LO & complaining to me her LO is always constipated & she didn't even try to bf. I feel so bad for the poor little thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,409 Posts
It makes me sad because i wonder if they got good advice and support, but i dont feel judgemental, you have to do what you have to for whatever reason. I do admit it does make me feel a little weird to see a young baby bottle fed, i think it just doesnt look natural? im not sure. As for wanting to pick up te baby and feed it, its probably just instinctual.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,560 Posts
I think that the only time I get crabby about it is those who chose not to BF for ridiculous and vain reasons, like the mom who doesn't BF because her breast are for her pleasure/her husband or because she doesn't want to put that much time into the baby. My SIL has triplets and wouldn't even consider pumping for them while they were still in the NICU, and she could have gotten 4 weeks of milk into them! But, if you don't know the story, then you can't really know why the mama is feeding formula.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
629 Posts
I'm glad there is this thread. I was really, really modest with number one, so whenever we went out he sometimes had EBM in a bottle, so I wouldn't have wanted people to judge me, but I just get so upset sometimes when I know babies are getting formula. I don't know why. I feel so sad inside . . . I feel sad when I hear about the bad advice people get. Like my friend who just had a baby, and we talked a LOT about breastfeeding, and she was trying but I guess her baby is not latching on, so she gave him a bottle of formula and said "in the hospital they told me I only had to try it for two more weeks, and if it didn't work it never would". I gave her the name and number of a wonderful lactation consultant. I really hope she calls her.

Sometimes breastfeeding is not easy, often times it's downright difficult, but with advice like that, and some of the other things I've heard people say, it seems like people are much more likely to just throw in the towel.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,520 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by lifeguard View Post
I must admit I feel sad about it too, but more so when I know the story. A friend of mine sat ff her LO & complaining to me her LO is always constipated & she didn't even try to bf. I feel so bad for the poor little thing.
:

My boss' wife just had a baby and went straight to EBM and formula to 'get them through the night' and it kills me to hear him complain about baby straining with gas so bad there's tinges of blood in LO's stool.
I've offered all the advice I can, local LLL meetings, hospital LC support groups, websites, you name it. He said DW just doesn't want to make the effort to EBF. As aggrivating as it is to me, I have to keep reminding myself that I don't know the whole story and that I have to just let some things go.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,621 Posts
It makes me sad when I hear people say that they "couldn't" breast feed for all the normal stupid reasons... milk wasn't in after a day, etc. because we had a HORRIBLE first 1.5 months of BFing... so it upsets me when people give up so easily. But, as someone who is now FFing her son I try not to judge. Trevor was EBF for 8 months, but we got pregnant very quickly after his birth (he was 5.5 months old) and despite my best efforts to keep up my supply it just tanked. He is now on a bottle/formula because I just didn't have any more milk for him. I had hoped and prayed we would make it to at least a year but it just wasn't to be. I am happy we made it as far as we did, and I never thought he would be on formula, but we all have to do what is best for our babies.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
121 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by acsammel View Post
Again, I looked at an acquaintance's newborn baby photos on a social networking site and saw a couple photos of the parents bottle feeding the baby while in the hospital. Why do I get so upset when I see photos like this? I barely know these people and yet I want to break down crying. I don't know anything about their reasons for not breastfeeding. I feel so sad for the baby that he isn't getting something as special as colostrum. I guess I need to stop clicking on new baby photos if something so small is going to make me so upset! Thanks for listening to me, I don't really expect any response to this. I just didn't have anyone else to share my feelings with at the moment. ~Anna
I cringe a little when I see these pics on a certain social networking site. Not because I'm assuming anything about the mother/baby's situation. Like other posters have mentioned - it could be ebm (unlikely if it's a day old newborn, still in hospital and it's one of those mini-formula bottles). I just know how vital the early days are for establishing the breastfeeding relationship and mom's milk supply. The whole - 'give baby a bottle because mom's milk hasn't come in - oh, no mom has supply problems, better supplement because baby isn't getting enough' cycle happens way too much.
I just try to add another nursing pic to my albums to balance it out.
 
1 - 20 of 21 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top