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This is definitely one of my pet peeves lately. DS turned two in June, and we still nurse at least 4-5 times in a 24-hour period, in the morning, in the evening after I get home from work, before bed, and once or twice at night. He also nurses before and after naps on weekends.

With a rare exception, we nurse in the privacy of our home, not because of any aversion to NIP, but simply because DS is usually so interested in the world around him he doesn't think to nurse when we are not in our home environment.

So why are friends and family obsessed with his nursing, and why are they almost all against it? Why is it so important to so many people, none of whom are ever directly or even indirectly involved, that I stop nursing DS?

I have my own reasons for thinking about weaning (after several ectopic pregnancies, we had DS through IVF and our best prospect for another child is through a frozen embryo transfer, which we can not do until DS has weaned), but why on earth does anyone else care?

Every time a new virus spreads through DS's daycare, I am relieved we are still nursing, because his immune response is so strong compared to the other kids. Every time he reaches his limits, mental or physical, and needs comfort, I am glad that nursing is still available to him (along with other forms of comfort). Why are others so intent on taking this away from him?

Phew! It feels good to get that off my chest.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mom2evan
So why are friends and family obsessed with his nursing, and why are they almost all against it? Why is it so important to so many people, none of whom are ever directly or even indirectly involved, that I stop nursing DS?
Because they're stupid and sometimes it's OK to say it.
 

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I think it bothers people because they don't really understand. It makes them uncomfortable. People in our society don't understand nursing is a natural thing. People wat to stop the thing that makes them uncomfortable or at least distance themselves from it.

My family ad some friends are really uncomfortable with my nursing ds- he is older than yours but commetns started after about 15 months.
 

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For the same reason they care whether Suri Cruise exists or not?

You got me. Some people just seem to expend a lot of energy caring about things that aren't particularly earth-shattering.
 

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I don't know
Maybe they are uncomfortable with it for some reason. Maybe they think it's odd and they want to make sure your kid will be normal


Maybe they feel insecure or guilty about either not breastfeeding, weaning early, or thinking they could never breastfeed that long.

I don't know but it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks... though it's hard not to care.
 

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Not sure of the reasons but I agree with the pp, probably just folks are uncomfortable, insecure or feeling guilty.

You could calmly inform them that you've researched what is best for your little one and you are doing it. Or, you could just tell them to stick it, depending on who it is


My dd is almost 2 years and I have never had anyone, family or friend, comment to me about it. I'm hoping their reasoning is that I am over 30, intelligent and can make my own decisions. Everyone that knows me knows I research everything before I make a decision. Confidence in my decision and a how-could-it-be-any-other-way attitude has really worked for me!
 

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I don't know. I would tell them to stop discussing it with you unless you ask. Period.

And if they won't, I would give them scary statistics. But this is a nasty little habit of mine.

Nursing past two could save the life of a child with an undetected metabolic disorder. There are over 1300, so you can't exactly screen for all of them.

Nursing past two has immunological benefits you already mentioned.

The longer you nurse, the less likely you or your child will ever need a kidney transplant, or if either of you do have to have one, the more likely it will be accepted by your body, or the body of a sibling.

The longer you nurse, the more you decrease your chances of getting rheumatoid arthritis.



A person is smart. People are dumb, stupid, and ignorant. (Men in Black)

mv
 

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I have to think, or at least hope, that in my immediate circle, the nay sayers are well intentioned. They surely really do think that there will be some unforeseen weirdness as a result of this clearly weird behavior. Nursing a 3-YEAR-OLD, for God's sake. He's practically in college.

My mother is the latest to join the crowd piled up on my back. Her worry is that nobody else will ever be able to comfort Daniel if ever anything should happen to him when I'm not around. He'll just be so dependent on that breast. Well, mom, I guess they'll just do what everyone else in the world who isn't nursing does . . . hold him, kiss him, give him a band aid. What's the big deal? We'll have to learn to comfort him another way someday anyway. Who's holding the stopwatch?
 

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Your title "why people care.. " caught my eye and made me think why do they care so much and need to share their opinion. My aunt was advising me that I should have only BF for 6 months but she never BF any of her 3 children. Uh what does she know. A gay man at work told me "just to quit it". Huh?!?!?!?!?! Now what does he know? I know that I am doing is the best thing I could do for DD and we will reap the rewards.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

Maybe they feel insecure or guilty about either not breastfeeding, weaning early, or thinking they could never breastfeed that long.

:
I think a lot of them probably fall into this category. If (since) we're right, that means they're wrong, and they can't bear to think that they may not have done the best for their own children.
 

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My ideas:
a) misinformation-there is a lot out there, and the APA doesn't help by saying that we should breastfeed to a year-people interpret that as to stop at a year.
b) tradition/social norms- We are a formula fed society, which means 1)stopping at a year, 2) never having to see boobies in public 3)attempting to conpartmentalizing (wow, wrong spelling- sorry) our lives, which is really hard to do when you BF
c) sheer nose-y-ness and ignorance-I have gotten all kinds of questions and comments since before ds was born ranging from one end of the spectrum to the other. I doubt the comparing, commenting, and questioning will end until I'm six feet under.
 

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I think that ignorance is the issue. Also so many people are intimidated by what they don't know. I have found that for a person in a happy bfing relationship it seems only natural to continue on past infancy. However many men and women are under or miseducated and have either given up on bfing before it got easy or they never tried in the first place. My mom is a prefect example. She is the youngest in her family by many years, none of her sisters or sister in laws ever nursed, so when she nursed me they where shocked and thought it would be done in privacy. She ended up quiting nursing after less than 2 months because of lack of support and miseducation by her doc. who told her to stop when she got mastitis. With my sister and brother she never even tried to nurse. Fast forward to when I had DD, she encouraged me to BF, but everytime DD went through a growth spurt she would insist that DD was not getting enough food as she wanted to nurse so often. She discuraged me from NIP and thought it was about time DD quit nursing when she went on a nursing strike at 10.5 months and I thought she had abruptly self weaned as I didn't know any better. Fast forward again several years, I finished nursing school, having taken great intrest in OB and the job of lactation consultant. I had a whole nother world of info and I had shared this with DH and my mom as I went through school. A year later I had DS and both of them where there cheering me on with BFing at home, IP, through engorgment, and growth spurts. DS is 18 months old and my mom comments all the time about how nice it is for DS to still be nursing as he loves it so much. I am currently 10 weeks preg. and the first thing my mom said when she found out was "He doesn't have to wean does he, because it would break his heart, he loves it so."


Proper education and witnessing a happy healthy BFing relationship can go a long way!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by zinemama
For the same reason they care whether Suri Cruise exists or not?

You got me. Some people just seem to expend a lot of energy caring about things that aren't particularly earth-shattering.
HAHAHHA. this is AWESOME.

To the OP, my sister in law dealt with the same thing and it was really lame for her. Her DH's family gave her so much crap for nursing her 2 yr old that she stopped wanting to visit them all together. That is just awful.

I want to nurse DD until 2, and she's big for her age right now. I know I'll get the same stuff and am gearing up mentally for it now.

XOXO
B
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by frannyfresh
Your title "why people care.. " caught my eye and made me think why do they care so much and need to share their opinion. My aunt was advising me that I should have only BF for 6 months but she never BF any of her 3 children. Uh what does she know. A gay man at work told me "just to quit it". Huh?!?!?!?!?! Now what does he know? I know that I am doing is the best thing I could do for DD and we will reap the rewards.
a single friend of mine who knows NOTHING about kids told me this when I was pregnant:
"just promise me you'll stop breastfeeding when the kid has teeth." WTF??

I was so offended I can't even tell you. but in her mind, I'm sure kids get teeth when they are little people. When I told her that the AAP even recommends until one, and kids have teeth by then, she was surprised. She didnt know babies have teeth!


if people would stop having opinions on stuff they don't know sh*t about, things would be a lot easier.

XOXO
B
 

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I'm with ya mama! my ds turened 2 in June too! I just tell them I can't decide if I should nurse till he starts high school or just go with when he's double digit age.
haha
who knows??? seems like there are other issues that could use their well intentioned energy, you know?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by zinemama
For the same reason they care whether Suri Cruise exists or not?
Oh, dear, I am dense sometimes. I finally just realized SC is a person, not a cruise ship line!!
:

eta: haha, and I made a pun too!
 

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In an effort to open my mother's slammed shut mind just enough to let in a slight breath of fresh air, I sent her great links to KellyMom, Kathryn Dettwyler and Dr. Sears. There were oodles of amazing reasons to continue nursing, right there in black and white, written with the authority of genuine experts.

She just writes back that we need to end the discussion or it will lead to an arguement. She finds it hard to believe that DS would be any less sweet or smart if he drank from a cup rather than my breast.

 

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I have no idea, but doesn't it just burn your butt? Same thing happens here with me and my 15 month old, but I chalk it up to ignorance and just being plain ol' too much in my business. I mainly get it from my Mom (who smoked while pg. and didn't bf me) and Grannie (who was told when trying to bf my uncle that her milk was 'no good').

I, too, have tried the send-bfing-friendly-links trick, and everything else to no avail. Finally, I just said, "is it somehow physically affecting your well being that I still nurse?" and that pretty much ended it right there.

I'm sorry you're going thru this, it really is no fun. Hugs, mama.
 

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I've never understood the fascination either. It seems like "is she still nursing" is the main topic of conversation whenever my MIL calls and talks to my husband.

I feel like screaming YES!!! YES SHE IS.... ARE YOU GROSSED OUT ENOUGH NOW????

But I just the man deal with her.
 

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I think most of my culprits fall in the "guilty" category. That would include dh's grandmother who (in italian) told me that women's milk goes sour after 9 months. Yes--you heard it here, first. My son has been drinking sour milk for 21 months.

The best is that my son has/had developmental problems--which are OF COURSE from the SOUR milk I was feeding him...?!

But I'm with you... WTH DO THEY CARE? The only time anyone really knows is because I'm on a restricted diet WITH him for his food allergies--and I could lie and say I also had them, but why lie? And I'm not sure they'd believe that anyway.

Aren't these the same people who bugged you about getting married (as if you were AVOIDING it like the plague--right?) and getting pg (even though you had 2 m/cs unbeknownst to them)? MYOB!!!
 
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