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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
: I'm in a mood. My mother... I don't understand why she cares so much how often my baby eats. Yes, she eats during the night. Yes, she eats every 2 or 3 hours during the day. No, she's not on a 4-hour schedule. I honestly don't have a clue how often she eats, I just know it's NOT on a 4-hour schedule. She's a HAPPY CONTENT baby, so why on earth would you think it would be better to have her eating further apart? I eat more often than every 4 hours!

Goodness. I just don't understand it. It's not like it's disrupting my life... I feed her wherever. If I know she's getting hungry (I don't wait til she's crying, I offer it before) then I just start looking for a stopping point in what I'm doing, sit down, and feed her.

And why do people care if she's sleeping through the night? I just say she is. She is. She sleeps during the whole night, just happens to wake up to eat a couple times. She's tiny! Her little tummy can't be that big... Anyway, I'd miss her if she slept the whole time


K, I'm done
I just don't understand people!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
And what's funny is that my MIL was totally a 'Dobson parent', the scheduling, power tripping, etc, and she thinks it's WONDERFUL how I'm doing things. She loves it that the baby is in our bed, loves it that I just carry her with me everywhere, loves it that I feed her when she wants it, that I'm relaxed and am not so worried about doing things right but am just enjoying her.

My mom has some sort of obsession with my boobs, I guess.
 

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Sometimes I think it's just people's way of making conversation about a baby. I mean, with a 4yo you can talk about what hilarious new thing they did, or the knock-knock joke they just made up or whatever, but with infants it's kind of all about how much they are sleeping and eating -- or at least that is how it is in some people's minds, you know? So the quality and quantity of their sleep and nutrition becomes this huge topic of conversation.

I also think a lot of it is that in previous generations, keeping precise track of how much the baby was eating was a much bigger deal than it is now. My mom has shown me my baby books where she carefully noted exactly how many ounces of formula I was eating, week by week, until I was like a year old. It seems so crazy to me, but that's what her pediatrician told her to do. So of course she is always wanting to know, "Is the baby eating well?" Although she did lay off after the nineteenth time I told her, "Mom, my boobs don't have a measuring scale on them. He's gaining weight! I don't know how much he's eating!"
:
 

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I think you are a wonderful mom who listens and meets har childs needs instead og letting in to the pressure from others.
I meet similar attitudes, though not from my mother, but from friends and even healthcare people; Yes dd is almost 8 mos, yes she still feeds 1-6 times a night, yes she is still almost fully breastfed during the day and no I do not intend to force her onto solids. I just let all their "good" advice go in one ear and out the other. Nod and smile- unless I'm up for the challenge of WHY


You are doing the RIGHT thing, more power to you!
 

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I think sometimes moms ask because they are worried about the happiness and well-being of their own children, namely you. And they worry a bit about their kids getting overtired, rundown, like that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Oh! It would NOT work for me to give in to the pressure of others! that would mean a cranky baby and no sleep! No thanks!

People are funny. Yeah, they are just trying to make conversation
I guess I don't get it from other people because usually they're asking me all about that devise (the Ergo
) that I'm using to haul around my baby. They don't have a chance to get to feeding/sleeping.

One of the first things my mom asked me when I told her I was pg was 'how long are you going to breastfeed'
She's very concerned about this. LOL!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by TanyaLopez View Post
I think sometimes moms ask because they are worried about the happiness and well-being of their own children, namely you. And they worry a bit about their kids getting overtired, rundown, like that.
Guess so... but I'm getting plenty of sleep. I think she has a hard time understanding that things can go differently than how she did them and still be right
 

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my mom generally bugs me and i feel utterly judged, particularly about parenting. which is why i was really bothered by the questions about how often, sleep, etc.

then i realized that my mother chose to bottlefeed me, had me on a strict schedule, solids at 4 weeks, CIO from the start, etc. She was intrigued by my parenting choices and was genuinely curious (and i think a bit envious) to know what babies did when allowed to have their needs met naturally.
 

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people are so bored!

i still feed my one year old every 3 hours... It has never really slowed down since she was born. She eats nonstop all day too!
The only one who needs to care abbout how often you feed your babykins is you!
Happy boobytime! YAyyy!!!!
 

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My mom's concern was that I was not getting a break. Especially when she found out that at 2 weeks I started showering with dd...she had a hard time understanding that I was happy, well-rested, and feeling good. I remember a phone conversation that I had with her, she asked me what I was doing and I replied that I had just finished nursing and was snuggling her. She asked me "do you ever put that baby down?" To which I replied "Sometimes, but honestly, I love holding her, she loves to be held. Why would I put her down if I can instead enjoy these moments?" Same with the shower thing, I still shower with her and she's 2...the time will come too quickly where she is not going to want to shower with mommy, the time will come too quickly when she'll only want to sleep in her own bed, the time will come too quickly when she's not tiny anymore and off doing her own thing.

As for others, I always find that the conversation of how much are they eating/sleeping so they can compare how you are doing to how they are doing or did with their babies.
 

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It's possible that your mom's working through some of her guilt about how often she fed you...who knows. I know that the generation of mothers before us has many regrets with regards to breastfeeding. They were unfortunately given so much misinformation that many of them failed at one of the most instinctual roles a mother has, nursing her own child.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by marnie View Post
my mom generally bugs me and i feel utterly judged, particularly about parenting. which is why i was really bothered by the questions about how often, sleep, etc.

then i realized that my mother chose to bottlefeed me, had me on a strict schedule, solids at 4 weeks, CIO from the start, etc. She was intrigued by my parenting choices and was genuinely curious (and i think a bit envious) to know what babies did when allowed to have their needs met naturally.
same here. she's adjusted somewhat and she loves seeing ds2! mainly how HAPPY he is. ds1 was NOT a happy baby. (in fact he's rarely a happy toddler)
 

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A lot of really good responses -- and things that I've noticed with coworkers -- wanting to make conversation, trying to understand different approaches, and not realizing that there are many different ways to do things. Just as every baby is unique, every parent is unique


If you're following your heart, and your baby is happy, I think that's all that matters


(The snarky side of me wants to know if your mom would like to set up a spreadsheet so she can record eating, sleeping, and pooping times... include averages for each week, each month, have nice bar graphs... heh)
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by lesley&grace View Post
My mom's concern was that I was not getting a break. Especially when she found out that at 2 weeks I started showering with dd...she had a hard time understanding that I was happy, well-rested, and feeling good. I remember a phone conversation that I had with her, she asked me what I was doing and I replied that I had just finished nursing and was snuggling her. She asked me "do you ever put that baby down?" To which I replied "Sometimes, but honestly, I love holding her, she loves to be held. Why would I put her down if I can instead enjoy these moments?" Same with the shower thing, I still shower with her and she's 2...the time will come too quickly where she is not going to want to shower with mommy, the time will come too quickly when she'll only want to sleep in her own bed, the time will come too quickly when she's not tiny anymore and off doing her own thing.

As for others, I always find that the conversation of how much are they eating/sleeping so they can compare how you are doing to how they are doing or did with their babies.
I think this is worth quoting and bolding. Parents (in a general sense, not all parents) want their kids to grow up and be like little adults. They want to push the child to sleep on their own, eat by themselves, reach a,b and c milestones by x deadline. Push, push, push. Then, when the child becomes a teen (and sometimes a tween), and wants to act like a little adult for real, the parents wonder why their child just won't act like a kid...*sigh*
:

Mama, just keep doing your thing, that you know what's best
 
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