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<span style="font-family:'Palatino Linotype';"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#800080;">My best friend, a "well educated" woman, ... I want to slap.<br><br>
The other night we are out eating <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Eat">: (with a friend that we both have) and she starts talking about when you can conceive after having children... "Well, Jess (a person we both know) got pregnant with out ever having her cycle" "You do not have to have to menstruate to get pregnant, if she was... (cut off) " "but she didn't have her cycle! She never had a period to miss..." "Your cycle does not start with bleeding... she never had one because she missed the one she would have had." "You do not understand... "<br><br>
AUGH! When I was using FAM, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: she always told me how it was flawed, and would not work... I did very well using it, (until Dr.'s told me that I would not be able to have children, and I believed them. Silli me thinking they might know something...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> and I plan on using one I have my dlo (<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/belly.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="belly"> EDD Easter)... this is only proof to her that it does not work... sigh.</span></span></span>
 

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"Narrow specialization in the broad sense of the word leads to wide retardation in the narrow sense of the word."<br><br>
Mark Twain<br><br>
I'm not sure if I'm quoting correctly I'm translating from another language :p but you get the idea. People may be very good in what they do and still be misinformed in areas they simply never took the time to look into in detail. Does your friend know that the menstrual cycle begins with ovulation (dispatching of a healthy egg cell ready for conception) and ends with the death of this cell and part of the uterine wall which is discarded after the conception never happened*. Which is menstruation. If not try to explain it in simple terms.<br><br>
Part of why people don't understand is us not being capable of communicating the idea through well enough.<br><br>
*IE if there is conception there will be no menstruation. The menstruation that is usually missed after conception is the menstruation that would have happened if there was no conception - not the one prior to it.
 

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Dh and I use FAM and get the same kinds of comments about it. When we went for pre-marital counseling, our pastor told us that if we were using FAM, we should be prepared to have lots of kids. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> It's always people who don't understand it that say that. Many just assume it's the rhythm method.<br><br>
Also, I've gone to the doctor and gotten blank stares from nurses when I tell them what kind of BC I use. (One when I went to the gyno, no less!) I also had one ask, "Are you SURE you couldn't be pregnant?" after I told her I use FAM. I was really early in my cycle, so yeah, I was sure.
 

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This makes me so upset too! I went to midwifery school and the majority of my sister midwives just didn't believe it could work! Drives me crazy!
 

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My mom was a bit freaked when I told her what type of birth control I would be using after my dd was born (after my cycles came back of course). She had two unintended pregnancies, one because her doctor failed to tell her that if she lost weight she would have to have her diaphram refitted. The other was because she was supposed to get a pill refill and her father passed away (and apparently couldn't communicate to my father that she wasn't safe anymore). Anyway, she has always been uberparanoid about birth control and thinks the pill is the best way to prevent pregnancy.<br>
Yet, here I am, I have been using FAM for......... 20 months now, and I haven't been pregnant.<br>
I am excited because our FP is pro FAM. I think he is catholic, he won't prescribe any type of birth control, but has FAM classes at his office. I recently went to him with some concerns about possible thyroid issues. I had printed off a bunch of my charts to show him my concerns about unusually cycles and temperatures, and he knew exactly what I was talking about.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>turtlewomyn</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10793364"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My mom was a bit freaked when I told her what type of birth control I would be using after my dd was born (after my cycles came back of course). She had two unintended pregnancies, one because her doctor failed to tell her that if she lost weight she would have to have her diaphram refitted. The other was because she was supposed to get a pill refill and her father passed away (and apparently couldn't communicate to my father that she wasn't safe anymore). Anyway, she has always been uberparanoid about birth control and thinks the pill is the best way to prevent pregnancy.<br>
Yet, here I am, I have been using FAM for......... 20 months now, and I haven't been pregnant.<br>
I am excited because our FP is pro FAM. I think he is catholic, he won't prescribe any type of birth control, but has FAM classes at his office. I recently went to him with some concerns about possible thyroid issues. I had printed off a bunch of my charts to show him my concerns about unusually cycles and temperatures, and he knew exactly what I was talking about.</div>
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I know what you mean! I wish I had a doctor like that! We had been using FAM to avoid successfully for 27 months before we starting trying. My parents and dh's parents weren't too thrilled when they heard our bc of choice, either. I think they are starting to realize that it actually does work, but when dh first told his father, he went into this graphic speech of how dh was conceived using withdrawal, so natural doesn't work. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!">
 

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It's funny my friend is the same way, she just said to me that a friend got pg because when you do natural birth control it just doesn't work, it may work for awhile, but you're destined for failure. I don't really go into bc with her because she just think that the only way to not get pg is being on the pill. Whatever, even my SIL who is supposed to do NFP thought that because my DH had said I wasn't on any bc, that there was something wrong with me because I had never been pg, and when I got pg she told everyone that it was a miracle because of that. She was wrong, DD was a planned pregnancy and there was nothing wrong with my fertility I just was making the decision to not get pg. It works you just have to able to know what is going on with cycles and your fertility and make the decision to have self control(that may be why my SIL has 6 kids).
 

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I have a friend who said she got pregnant the first month they used NFP as birth control. I asked her how she charted, she said she took her temperature every morning, but that she thought checking cervical fluid was gross.<br><br>
No wonder she got pregnant! temperature just helps confirm that you ovulated! Once the temp shift happens, it's too late to do anything to prevent pregnancy.
 

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My mom insists on calling FAM "the rhythm method" and she thinks it's totally stupid that I relied on it solely to avoid conceiving during my DD's first year. It's so aggravating because after this baby comes she wants to know what kind of "real" bc we'll be using. Sigh.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>inurl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10777354"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"Narrow specialization in the broad sense of the word leads to wide retardation in the narrow sense of the word."<br><br>
Mark Twain<br><br>
I'm not sure if I'm quoting correctly I'm translating from another language :p but you get the idea. People may be very good in what they do and still be misinformed in areas they simply never took the time to look into in detail. Does your friend know that the menstrual cycle begins with ovulation (dispatching of a healthy egg cell ready for conception) and ends with the death of this cell and part of the uterine wall which is discarded after the conception never happened*. Which is menstruation. If not try to explain it in simple terms.<br><br>
Part of why people don't understand is us not being capable of communicating the idea through well enough.<br><br>
*IE if there is conception there will be no menstruation. The menstruation that is usually missed after conception is the menstruation that would have happened if there was no conception - not the one prior to it.</div>
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I think too that the way we are taught to describe a cycle goes against this. Obviously what you're saying is true, but how many women are taught that the first day of bleeding is cycle day 1? Almost everyone calculates cycles in that manner. So if bleeding is cycle day 1, it's counter intuitive/ illogical that the cycle actually starts with ovulation.<br><br>
Anyone see what I mean? I don't feel like I got it out very clearly.<br><br>
Erica
 

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I totally see what you're saying. It's the same thing my DH said when I was telling him about the OP. But still...I would hope most well educated women could understand that it's the O that causes the period. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
My mom also freaked out when I told her about FAM. I believe I heard the words, "Oh no, I'm gonna be a grandma." But to her credit she was very receptive.<br><br>
I said, Mom, you know we don't want kids yet. You know how well I research everything. You know I would not do this if it was not reliable. She warmed up and I kind of gave her the cliff's notes. Yay mom. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> (I have always gone on researching tangents: Egypt, the Holocaust, sapphires, feminist theology, etc. I am an information wh0re and she knows that.)
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SwanMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10801469"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have a friend who said she got pregnant the first month they used NFP as birth control. I asked her how she charted, she said she took her temperature every morning, but that she thought checking cervical fluid was gross.<br><br>
No wonder she got pregnant! temperature just helps confirm that you ovulated! Once the temp shift happens, it's too late to do anything to prevent pregnancy.</div>
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You can use temping reliably, although cross-checking is more reliable. You're supposed to abstain/use barriers until your temp rises, and then you can go back to things as normal.<br><br>
I'm guessing she got pregnant because she wasn't experienced in temping and interpreting her chart yet, seeing as it was her first time. Really, you're supposed to abstain/use barriers for a few cycles while you get the hang of things.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>young_mama08</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10802642"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">what is FAM and NFP?</div>
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Fertility Awareness Method and Natural Family Planning. With both you watch your cervical fluids, cervix position, and waking temperature to know exactly when you are fertile and when you ovulate. Avoiding conception with FAM you can choose to use barriers (condoms for instance) when fertile, NFP you abstain then, for those who want to be more sure or are opposed to using birth control. It also makes trying to concieve more effective, since you know just when to try and you know if there are any issues like a short luteal phase after ovulation or anything.<br><br>
Rythym method on the other hand is counting like 14 days after your period and assuming you ovulate then, which people confuse with this and figure it's inneffective.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
<span style="font-family:'Palatino Linotype';"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#800080;"></span></span></span>
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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;"><span style="font-family:'Palatino Linotype';"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#800080;">Quote:</span></span></span></div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>DreamsInDigital</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10801503"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My mom insists on calling FAM "the rhythm method" and she thinks it's totally stupid that I relied on it solely to avoid conceiving during my DD's first year. It's so aggravating because after this baby comes she wants to know what kind of "real" bc we'll be using. Sigh.</div>
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<span style="font-family:'Palatino Linotype';"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#800080;">When my mum had me... late 80's, catholic hospital... they told her that she should not get pregnant again for a year. (True) She said they she wanted to breastfeed and would not be a medicated BC. Then they said that she had to use "the rhythm method", but would not give her any info on what that was or how to use it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> I feel sorrie for her, I do. She had a lot of other female health problems and though she "tried" she was unable to have another child.<br><br>
ANYWAY! Long story short... She did the same to me. What I did was say "No, its not. Rhythm does not work, why would I do something that would not work. (My mum here was greatly lost...) Rhythm is <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah"> . This a) is not FAM and b) will not work. Now FAM is so much more then that, different things have different names, because they are not the same... Would you like me to tell you about it?" At this time she might just stop, or want to go on, either way you showed there is more, that you do not want to get prego, and that you are willing to talk and not just get mad.<br><br>
IDK... it worked for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br></span></span></span>
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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;"><span style="font-family:'Palatino Linotype';"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#800080;">Quote:</span></span></span></div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>turtlewomyn</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10793364"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am excited because our FP is pro FAM. I think he is catholic, he won't prescribe any type of birth control, but has FAM classes at his office. I recently went to him with some concerns about possible thyroid issues. I had printed off a bunch of my charts to show him my concerns about unusually cycles and temperatures, and he knew exactly what I was talking about.</div>
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<span style="font-family:'Palatino Linotype';"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#800080;">I am not catholic, and never will be... I want to be an OB/GYN, but hate the idea of medicated BC (at lest in like 99.9% of cases). So while yes I will tell them their options, and help them find what is "best" for them, I will not prescribe it (they can get another Dr. to do it), but I will teach FAM.<br><br></span></span></span>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SwanMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10801469"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have a friend who said she got pregnant the first month they used NFP as birth control. I asked her how she charted, she said she took her temperature every morning, but that she thought checking cervical fluid was gross.<br><br>
No wonder she got pregnant! temperature just helps confirm that you ovulated! Once the temp shift happens, it's too late to do anything to prevent pregnancy.</div>
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<span style="font-family:'Palatino Linotype';"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="color:#800080;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> This is the same reason my friend will not use FAM... I keep telling her if she is really SO bothered by it, buy gloves.</span></span></span>
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>anne1140</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10801922"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You can use temping reliably, although cross-checking is more reliable. You're supposed to abstain/use barriers until your temp rises, and then you can go back to things as normal.</div>
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I generally prefer the dry day rules as laid out in TCOYF. Only having sex after the three temps above the CL would give DH and I nine days every 35. That's just not practical.<br><br>
Although I do agree. You're supposed to use a barrier method for several cycles to get the hang of things.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sk8ermaiden</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10802969"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I generally prefer the dry day rules as laid out in TCOYF. Only having sex after the three temps above the CL would give DH and I nine days every 35. That's just not practical.<br><br>
Although I do agree. You're supposed to use a barrier method for several cycles to get the hang of things.</div>
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I didn't say that it was the best way or a good way for everyone. I just said if you choose to do it that way, it will work. Obviously, it's so much easier and better to check cm as well as temp.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sk8ermaiden</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10802969"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I generally prefer the dry day rules as laid out in TCOYF. Only having sex after the three temps above the CL would give DH and I nine days every 35. That's just not practical.</div>
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Your cycles sound just like mine, and I used last dry day for a while until I figured out that I O late enough and have enough CM warning to avoid catching the egg. I've used FAM for 8 years, so it's been a while since I checked the book but I'm pretty sure TCOYF gives you some guidelines on how to adjust the rules for your cycle so that you get more good-nookie days. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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This drives me crazy as well. My best friend insists that her body doesn't work that way <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> Seriously. I explained all about the cm and she just doesn't believe me. She's always asking me if I'm pregnant yet. So annoying. But she's the type that takes information and basically just throws it away (like she knows all about carseats and such from me but still chooses to put her kids in unsafe seats for their ages/weight).<br><br>
Oh and the FAM thing from TCOYF is called your BIP or Basic Infertile Pattern. I'd never get to dtd if it weren't for that. It's rare that I ever have an actual dry day. But I've learned that my fertile cm is really noticeable so we can still dtd on creamy days and such.
 

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i hear ya!! dh and i have been doing FAM for 4 yrs successfully now! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> i had a friend that inquired about it a few yrs ago, and i told her what i knew, but referred her to a few books that i found educational. anyway, she recently got pg (unplanned), and then proceeded to warn me about how FAM doesn't work yadda, yadda, yadda. so when i started questioning her about what she did i found out that she wasn't even taking her temp AT ALL!! needless to say, i was ticked with her that she was blaming FAM! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry">
 
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