Mothering Forum banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,304 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here is our situation<br><br><ul><li>DS is 14 month old</li>
<li>co-slept evey night of his life</li>
<li>BF on cue 24 hours a day evey day -- still does</li>
<li>if he sleeps 2 hours at a time alone i feel like a party</li>
<li>if he sleeps 3 or 4 hours with us, i feel that merits a call to my mom</li>
<li>i stay home with him, i baby-wore a lot when he was little, now only when we are out or once in a while whne i try to cook</li>
</ul><br><br>
there is a mom is DH's office.<br><ul><li>H is 3 months old now</li>
<li>H stays home with her daddy</li>
<li>H has EBM all day and mom nurses when they are together -- ever seen her NIP though -- bottles again<br>
H sleeps in a bassent thing by her mom's side of the bed</li>
</ul><br>
Here is the thing -- H sleeps "all night" 6 to 8 hours each night. Momma says "she nurses about non-stop from 7 or 8 to 10 then sleeps till i get up the next moring" this is at least 4 or 5 nights a week, and started at 2 months.<br><br>
Like i said at 14 months if DS sleeps 4 hours i call people and am excited.<br><br>
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo<br><br>
WHY the differnce?<br><br>
to my eye -- DS is the BETTER treated baby -- doesn't have to sleep alone or anything.<br><br>
It is common knowledge at teh office we co-sleep and that DS doesn't sleep and i think everyone kinds thinks i am the reason DS doesn't sleep.<br><br>
I know there is not anything really to be done with DS and sleep -- but i don't get why H sleeps so well??????<br><br>
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br><br>
Aimee
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,908 Posts
Because alllll babies are different. Even from the same mama...<br><br>
Hugz!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,296 Posts
I could have written your post! My friend's 2.5 month old sleeps 6 or 7 hours at a time at night. My DS *maybe* will sleep 3.<br><br><br>
It sorta doesn't seem fair, does it!<br><br>
I guess you could always think... if you were a "mainstream" mama and had baby in the crib, just think how little sleep you'd be getting!<br><br>
You're doing the right thing co-sleeping with your bub. Me too. Thank goodness we can and have some support for it... otherwise we'd both go crazy, yes?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,538 Posts
No, it's not fair.<br><br>
If it makes you feel any better, Rivka nurses on cue all the time, we only recently started discouraging her from nursing at night, and she wouldn't co-sleep. I tried and tried but the girl wanted her own space. Even though she was in her own crib (and later in her own room with the older girls) she still wakes up EVERY SINGLE NIGHT 2 - 5 times.<br><br>
Oh, and my friend had one of those dream breast fed babies who stopped night nursing at two months.... now at 14 months he's up 6x a night and a worse sleeping than my little dear. Babies grow & change. I don't think it's about who is treated "better" and "worse" It's about individual babies & families.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,069 Posts
That is my ds, too. But he has been intense from day one. What I've figured out is that he is a high-needs and highly sensitive child who is wired differently than other kids. He <i>needs</i> the co-sleeping, BFing, gentle APing to keep him on an even keel (and even then it's a struggle). I'm not sure if this is what your ds is like, but if so i can suggest a couple of books that will help you understand why he doesn't sleep well and give you some tips for helping him sleep better and longer.<br><br>
What keeps me going is thinking about what he'd be like if he didn't have an AP house to grow up in. I feel very sad for these kinds of kids who have mainstream parenting to deal with.<br><br>
Hugs to you, mama!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,706 Posts
I always wonder the same thing. It seems that ff babies do sleep longer and better. I'm not sure if it is becasue of the formula itself or it is the parenting style. Quite often I think there are alot of non-cosleepers who say that thier babies sleep through the night. The truth is, how do they really know? I know several people who don't use a monitor when their baby is asleep in anther room (like most of us as kids!). My mom said I slept through the night at 3 weeks old and did from that point on. It really irritates me. I'm quite sure that I had to of cried that first night at least. My mom just didn't hear me. I thing that is often the case. Put baby down, close the door, walk away. Don't HEAR baby, baby must be sleeping. Not necesarrily the case. If I"m in my basement, I can hear my baby cry upstairs...and he is loud!<br><br>
all babies are different though. I sure does seem that APers tend to have "poor sleepers".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,304 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
just biuggs me<br><br>
i know a lot of MS parents SAY the baby sleeps -- and baby really is just "forogten about: so what the parent mean is i don't deal with them all night<br><br>
I know a lot of MS parents leave thebaby is the other room<br><br>
But in this case -- while i would not can B and her DH "ap" they are not that bad -- B is pumping and baby H is getting only BM -- granted even MOM bottle feeds -- I have never seen the child at the boob even in her own home, and while she is not int heri bed she is in their room so one would assume they can't just be "shutting the door and forgetting about it".........and B admits baby H has her nights where she is up a lot.......so that makes me more inlice to belive the nights of sleep.<br><br>
I don't get why so many AP mom talk about having such poor sleepers -- I know part of it has to be we won't result to CIO and other MS "ways of dealing with it".....so we maybe deal with it longer? and explore more options? ??? ??? But it sure seems to me all my MS contact -- mainly all Dh's at work -- have sleepig babies and all my AP freinds (here and a few IRL) have non-sleeping babies. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br><br>
i don't get it -- and i feel like i am causeing it<br><br>
Aimee
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,703 Posts
I think most babies are non-sleeping babies, as you call them. They ALL wake up frequently in the night. It's just that some are attended to and some are not.<br><br>
Your baby is VERY lucky to have you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
663 Posts
It could all change for H, too -- my DS was sleeping 8 hour stretches at 4 and 5 mos old, and then something happened at 6 mos. and he's been waking up every 2 hours since then (he's 10.5 mos now). I have a feeling it will be like that until he weans, so I just have to deal with it!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,166 Posts
i think in my case it IS my fault! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> all three of my kids have been as you described your DS.<br><br>
but, my older two started sleeping through the night when they weaned at 18 months (both times i was 6 mo pregnant), and now they are easy as pie. Still cosleep, but they go to sleep easily and stay asleep all night.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,999 Posts
My first didn't sleep more than 45 minutes in a row pretty much until she was 2.<br><br>
My second didn't sleep more than 3 hours, and usually no more than 2 hours in a row until she was 2.<br><br>
My current one sleeps 4 to 5 hours in a row with no problems.<br><br>
I haven't changed my night time parenting style. Maybe grown into it more, and relaxed a bit.<br><br>
It isn't you. Children have different temperments, and different sleep temperments. When you are doing what you can to encourage sleep, that is the best you can do. That's it.<br><br>
Not great while it is happening, I admit. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,583 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rzberrymom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7237074"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think most babies are non-sleeping babies, as you call them. They ALL wake up frequently in the night. It's just that some are attended to and some are not.<br><br>
Your baby is VERY lucky to have you.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I agree that all babies wake frequently throughout the night but it's not fair to imply that babies who seemingly sleep all night have parents that don't attend to them. My first dd slept 10 hours straight through the night at 8 weeks old!! Yes she went through normal sleep cycles and even awoke but she put herself right back to sleep.<br><br>
Now... I've since had two other kids and neither of them have ever done that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I realize she was the exception but I just wanted to point out that not all babies that sleep through the night have parents who just choose to leave them crying.<br><br>
All babies are different. Some are awesome sleepers. Most are not!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,703 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>my3peanuts</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7243371"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I agree that all babies wake frequently throughout the night but it's not fair to imply that babies who seemingly sleep all night have parents that don't attend to them.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I didn't mean to imply that. I said that MOST babies are non-sleepers (she was worried that only cosleepers are non-sleepers) and that those babies all wake frequently (not just the cosleepers). The difference is whether someone responds to those baby's cries.<br><br>
Of course there are some lucky parents whose babies just don't wake. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,293 Posts
This may be a dumb question, but is there any research about whether it's actually better for the child to sleep without waking up? I mean, obviously it's better for the parents, but it seems to me that sleep is such a mysterious process, that we may not fully understand its role in brain development.<br><br>
What I'm saying is, couldn't it be possible that the 2 yo who wakes up twice before morning does so because his brain needs it for some unknown reason?<br><br>
(Obviously I am one of those whose 2 yo wakes up every night-- somebody please tell me that I'm not a chump for getting up with him!)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,304 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I KNOW the younger the child the BETTER it si to wake up -- i keep telling my 3 freinds with babes under 6 months -- the more the rouse the less chance of SIDS -- sooooo I KNWO and EMBRACE frequent waking for a young baby.<br><br>
and even NOW I am not expecting to sleep all night -- or even 6 or 7 hours.....i am realistic enough .... but I would think two or 3 chunks of 4 hours, or 2 of 5 --- at THIS AGE (14 months, 15 month next week) would be healthy and doable .... ??????<br><br>
I respect frequent waking as a safty thing when tiny -- and to establish mom's milk and so on .......... butttttttttttttt I am jsut saying........as some point as they age and it is not a bilogical need to wake up to keep breathing and so on..............<br><br>
I am just sooooooooo fustrated with the trend of DH's buddies' kids to sleep better than DS when we co-sleep and BFD on cue and yadd yadda yadda and they are more (or a lot more depending) MS than us ---- I thought AP was supposed to make life easier????? Or does the AP have anything to do with it and it is luck of th draw???
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
943 Posts
Kids are different<br><br>
My first one has ALWAYS been a night waker. Literally, it wasn't until recently (she's 3) that I could even hope for a night every once in a while where she would sleep from 10-6 without needing to be nursed. She almost always woke up around 3 or 4am. She still wakes up, but she's chosen to sleep in a different room and can put herslef back to sleep. She also never slept very long the day and needed to be nursed at least every 2 hours (usually more often) and would almost never unltach herself no matter how long she had been feeding. I got so much grief from friends/family about how long she was in our bed, how we couldn't leave her because she still night nursed, etc.<br><br>
My newborn sleeps 3 and 4 hour stretches during the day. She still wakes up at night to feed and sometimes just to socialize- her days and nights are a little messed up. :) However, there are a lot of times when I wonder if she's okay because she sleeps so much, lets other people hold her, falls asleep with them rocking her! :gasp It's wierd sometimes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Finally even my mom has admitted what I've said all along- kids are different!. She knows that we haven't done anything different with this one and from day one she's been different from her sister.<br><br>
Stay confident that you are doing what you should for YOUR child and YOUR child's temperment. My first was more high needs than this one .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,736 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mom2bja</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7234402"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Because alllll babies are different. Even from the same mama...<br><br>
Hugz!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Sounds like the second baby you described is "cluster feeding"--tanking up so that she sleeps a longer stretch. Dd was like that. And yes, sleeping habits change as kids grow.<br><br>
FWIW, if the baby is in a co-sleeper attached to the bed, you <b>do</b> hear when the baby stirs/wakes in the night. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> There's a reason the one brand is called "arms reach."
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top