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Today I was watching a friend's DS. Cole, my DS, was a total jerk to this poor kid. He kept grabbing things out of his hands, taking toys away from him, wouldn't let him play, etc. Finally, after yanking yet another toy out of the other child's hands, and receiving yet another admonishment from me, he picked up a different toy and offered it to his friend. Of course, his friend didn't want it, he wanted the toy Cole had just taken from him, but I do appreciate the thought behind Cole's action. But then, when Cole's friend didn't take the toy, Cole whacked him hard across the face with it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"> I was horrified! I yelled, "Cole!!" in this shocked, serious voice (because I was genuinely shocked) and scooped him up and moved him to the other side of the room. Then I picked up his friend, who was crying of course, and comforted him. Cole, meanwhile, screamed and ran out of the room. I could hear Cole crying in the kitchen. So after his friend calmed down, I went in to talk to him and he freaked out. I think he was experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions, i.e. anger, shame, jealousy, etc. and was having a hard time working through them. He did calm down eventually and of his own free will told his friend he was sorry and gave him a hug.<br><br>
He has slugged a kid a few times over the past couple of weeks, though. Of course we have never hit him, so I thought he would not hit others. Wrong! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> I know this is normal toddler behaviour that a lot of little kids go through but I think I thought deep down inside, not MY kid! Well, yeah, my kid. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush"> I can remember back in my early days of parenting ignorance (I am slightly less ignorant now) thinking that kids who hit probably had that behaviour modeled for them by their parents or older siblings. Apparently, not necessarily! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> Oh, I hope this phase passes quickly.
 

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I'm so sorry. I know that must be awful. My dd has a dear friend, a boy she has "played" with since he was born just 3 months after she was, who hits her at least once each time they play together. It's almost always the same scenario you described -- she has a toy, he wants it, he grabs it, his mother tells him to give it back, he hits my dd in frustration. It's seldom enough to really hurt, but it's clearly not appropriate. As the mom of the "hitee," I am NOT angry or upset at either the other mom or at the little boy. It's not either person's fault. The mom is working on teaching her son about appropriate ways to vent frustration, etc. She's definitely never hit him, so I know this is a completely instinctive reaction for this child -- it's a way to physically act out how he's feeling emotionally, which is why I try not to get upset at him OR...<br><br>
...at my daughter who, in the privacy of our home, kicks and pushes ME! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:<br><br>
I sound like my mom: "I don't know WHERE she GETS this!!!" I think just sheer persistence on our parts will eventually win. "No, dd, we do not use our legs to kick people. If you're angry, you can stomp your feet/throw a pillow/hit a pillow/yell "I'm very angry!"/bang on the yoga ball, but you cannot hurt me." Another tool I've used is asking her, in quiet times, what I should do if she hurts me. She says I should go away from a person who hurts me. So, if she kicks me, I turn around and walk away while saying "DD, you hurt me and I am not going to let you keep hurting me. Please come get me when you are ready to be nice to me." She will usually run right after me to grab and hug me. (Of course, this would NOT work if we were out in public, but at home it's fine.) Maybe you can teach the other child something similar, or talk with your son about how things should progress if he hits someone else again.<br><br>
Anyway, I'll be watching this thread to see what other ideas people have.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fiddledebi</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I sound like my mom: "I don't know WHERE she GETS this!!!"</div>
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:LOL Exactly!<br><br>
It's really weird to me because DS has always been a really compassionate, friendly kid. He usually shares pretty well for a 2 year old, and was always very gentle and loving, until he started bashing people's faces with hard objects. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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Soooo sorry!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> DD is typically the target of her good friend's shoving. we finally had a playdate with someone this week outside of our little group & dd turned around & smacked the other baby not 10 min in!! Toddlers are fickle creatures!!! She's a sweet girl, but tends to beat up her mama at home <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> I guess when she's feeling safe, she lets it rip!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
Just remember, when this phase ends, another awaits!!!
 

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My 3 y.o. DS hits me sometimes too (and thankfully not anybody else). It's definitely happening less often than when he was 2 although he still resorts to this sometimes. I too have no clue where he learned it.<br><br>
Mostly I try to redirect the energy. I think little boys sometimes just have all this pent-up aggression they need to release and the key lesson is that it's NEVER NEVER NEVER ok to hit people. So in the same way I teach my cats that they can NEVER claw on the couch (and teach them by redirecting to something they can claw on), I direct him to drum on drums, or yell into his pillow, or some other big display of energy that doesn't involve harming a person. I figure that in the long run I can't suppress the feeling but I can teach him appropriate ways to vent it.<br><br>
As he gets older I find he does come up with his own ideas too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> Two might be a little young but you could try role playing when he's not feeling angry. If he's not old enough to figure out a way to display "angry" you could model it for him.<br><br>
Good luck!!!!
 
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