[Anglyn]

I didnt want to tell right away becuase I didnt want to tell my mom. I knew my mom would be unsupportive. But it was hard not to tell everyone that I knew would be happy for us, so we decided it wasnt fair to us to let her ruin our fun and told everyone...but her. I wasnt going to, at all. Let her find out from my stepsister, I didnt care. But dh and ds1 convinced me too tell her before she found out elsewhere. Her reaction?

mom: Are you out of your freakin mind?
Me: No...
mom: Well, you will be.
me: whatever.
mom: how long have you known?
me: a week
mom: how far along are you?
me: four weeks
mom: have you been to the doctor?
me: not yet, Ive scheduled the appointment
mom: so, you dont know for sure.
me: I have to go.

later she did say, "what I meant to say earlier was congratulations" but it still hurt. But that was that.

Then today Im talking to my xh about ds1 and he mentions that "everyone down here" is worried about it or talking about it or whatever, I got upset and he said, "dont tell me, Im happy for you" which he actually is. But look, how is it their business for one? For two, Im the one feeding them, cleaning them and supporting them (well, WE are) but not THEM so wtf? for three, my kids are fed, clothed, housed and have more toys than they freaking need. So again, wtf??

I get comments like, "congratulations....I guess".

I want to cry. We want this baby so much, its as if by virtue of being born fourth this baby is somehow...less, something I should be embarrased about, like Im just too stupid to understand how birth control works. We wanted, tried for and hoped for this child. Each and every one of my children, this one included, is special and unique and loved.

This reinforces my origional instinct not to tell. Or to tell more discrimanatingly. But I WANT to tell, Im HAPPY about it. Im excited, I feel like sharing my good news. See, I did just tell those I though would be happy for me, I guess I was wrong.

Come on guys, give me some good one liners to comeback with! And you know, Im seriously looking at this as an oppurtunity to see those in my life clearly and weed out those who contribute nothing but stress to me and mine.

 

[beansavi]

Congratulations on that beautiful fourth baby! I'm jealous! I think four is ideal!

I am one of four and it is reeeaaally fun having them around now that I am an adult.

Have fun and enjoy this baby. Others can be so rude and tacky. Most people don't have four kids anymore...but I bet they are jealous of your growing tribe of happy, healthy loved ones!

I think it's GREAT!

PS That's my #3 babe in my Avatar.

Maybe you'll have a girl and have 2 of each! That's what my dd wants me to do. She's very insistent that she has a sister for when she is a "lady".

 

[Avena]

Awwaw mama,
CONGRATS!!!!!!!

I can 100% relate to your situation! I still haven't told my mom and I'm 10-11 weeks.....I honestly don't even want to......I don't want to hear her CRAP! so I'm not gonna until I"m ready.....And if she finds out then soooo be it.....I'm not gonna let her neg. life and attitude bring down our joy and thankfulness that this life force in me was created by LOVE........I may sound harsh....It's my prego. mind but screw them! or you could try to kill her w/love and kindess but sometimes that doesn't work for certain types of people!

Blessings!

 

[Full Heart]

I'm having #7 so trust me I have heard every line. I have been hurt by people I respected the most. How dare they?! Where is our choice? It bothers me so much because they somehow think they know better than we do! For our own lives! But then the people I thought would say something negative really surprised me. I guess you can never tell with people and it just teaches us that we have to be sure to never be so judgemental.

http://www.plomp.com/largefam/comebacks.htm That has some great comebacks I have actually used. "Just trying to outnumber the idiots." "We're trying for an ugly one." People shut up cause they realize they asked a really rude question.

OMG some of the comments I have gotten from people. They delve into your sex life like its broadcast on the evening news and up for discussion. The assumptions people make are bad too. Some how its only my fault or dhs fault...somehow we managed to have this many kids with just one of us consenting. Whatever.

Enjoy your pg, be excited. Ignore everyone else. Its your pg - your baby.

 

[GooeyRN]

Awe, Im sorry your family isn't supportive. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Children are such a gift. You are very fortunate to be so fertile! I am happy for you.

 

[Avena]

http://www.plomp.com/largefam/comebacks.htm

Those are great!

Any good links on how to tell a family member who might /will give you crap???

 

[CryPixie83]

I read through your thread and my entire thought was that it's ONLY your fourth child! For me personally, 2 bio (and hopefully a third adopted) is my limit, but to me a "lot" is like five or more and even then large families are awesome. I'm envious of mamas who can "handle" lots of kids... I love kids but 3 is my limit for sanity's sake

Four kids is an awesome family size! Don't let people (your mother) get you upset, you have every right to be happy and proud and excited about this baby! It's none of "their" business. As long as your kiddos are taken care of (food, shelter and love) then they can keep their comments to themselves.

's and congrats!!!

 

[Mamabug&co.]

BTDT Mama...

I am so sorry, we get this too all the time. It gets old, but that's some people. I am so happy for you!! Congrats!

 

[kristenburgess]

mama. Congratulations on the fourth little one growing within you! A pregnancy is such a precious, special time, and the little one growing within you is priceless.

I know how you feel. Our families are continuously disaproving of us and I constantly deal with critism about our three. I know that if we were to get pregnant with a fourth right now we'd get so much grief over it.

I don't understand why people think they have the right to judge anyone else's family.

Though it's much easier said than done, just celebrate your babe sweet mama.

 

[Anglyn]

Thank you all! I always feel better after posting here!

LOVE the website! Im going to committ a few of those to memory!

 

[heathenmom]

Congratulations on your baby!!! I had to read this thread, because I've gotten this reaction and this is only our SECOND!!!

: Seriously, when I told my grandmother, who I thought would be thrilled, she said, "You're going to stop after this one, right? No more?" Heh. Little does she know ... if I had my way we'd have 6!

 

[mother culture]

Love will make them all believers. A child is a blessing and he or she will bring joy to the hearts of many. My mom says I shouldn't have another one! I just tell her she is a fortunate that I am giving her such beauty...I think she knows it! I wish you health and pride in your fourth pregnancy mama!

 

[aisraeltax]

congrats! wonderful news!

keep the positive vibes in your life...try to minimize the negative ones!

 

[RosesToys]

wow. I'm sorry you are getting such stupid comments from "friends" over your pregnancy. I too was surprised that you are *only* having your fourth child. 4 to me is more than average, but not crazy or anything. And even if you had 14 kids and I thought you were out of your freaking mind, I certainly would NOT say anything to you about it unless we were the closest of friends. Some people just don't get the whole idea of if you can't say anything nice....

I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy. Ignore the idiots.

 

[time4another]

Yet another mamma who's experiencing this...

My mother has been so negative about this baby that I have decided not to talk to her for the rest of my pregnancy (5 weeks or so). Her energy is very negative and just because she didn't want a 3rd child (my sister) and her 3rd child was a "mistake" (her words and she's never hid it

: ) dosen't mean that my 3rd child is. I have succesfully avoided (when I wanted to) pregnancy for 15 years, does she think that all of a sudden we'd mess up? Even if we did what's the big deal-our MARRIGE is SOLID and stable, another child would be welcomed and embraced-REGARDLESS!!! I decided not to tell her until after we went away for February Vacation (that's when we told ODDs). She was *THE LAST* to know of my family and friends, I was around 14 weeks then. She was PISSED that she was the last to know. Her reaction was negative, and as much as I tried to convince her otherwise, she still insists that DC3 is a "mistake". She ignored the baby pretty much up until last month, when she finally had to accept the fact that, yes I am pregnant, because she chose to invite herself to stay with us for two days (never again

). She chooses to send ODDs presents and still ignores this one. This behavior regarding DC3 is only the begining of the problems I have with my mother though.

Like you we very very much wanted another child and felt that our family wasn't complete yet. We felt someone was missing from our lives. How dare people not accept that fact. This baby is a blessing that has been wished for and dreamed about for almost two years. She has the potential to complete us as a family. I can't wait to meet her.

Beware though, this problem could linger. I finally needed to leave my mother out of the picture for now because her attitude was affecting me and my confidence in my ability to birth and mother this baby in the way that I know how and want to. She was casting a shadow over my joy.

This is not about her (or anyone else) its about YOU and YOUR family. You are right, everyone else has NOTHING to do with it.

Heather

 

[mary3mama]

Congratulations on your 4th wee one!! So sorry you have to deal with the insufferably rude comments!

This is also my 4th pg, though we lost baby #2 at 21 weeks gestation.

People can say incredibly stupid and hurtful things.

When told we were expecting this time, my MIL only had one comment, "well, if she's having another baby, she certainly can't continue to homeschool."

:

My MIL is yet to say congratulations or indicate anything that would show me that she is excited to have another grandchild. She did finally sound thrilled when she found out that I'm carrying her first (and probably only ever) grand-daughter...ACK!!

Your child is a blessing and hopefully one day these rude people will be totally captured by his/her spirit.

 

[kittynpokey]

hi mama. i feel your frustration. my and my DH have our 2 kids and we were set on having just 2 for now. (maybe later on down the road we might have tried but we were good for now) well we were using condoms cause im so bad at taking pills. and our kittens had got into out stash (in a plastic container under bed that they unsnapped the lid on) on the had put lil holes in it with their lil teeth. and in the heat of the moment i didnt check i just grab what ever i could ripped and slipped. then when we went to dispose of the stuff we noticed the hole in the wrapper. we looked under the bed to find many more just like that if not sliced open. so now we are having another one. (we are due around the same time as you) i am happy dont get me wrong but i just feel like i cant tell my mom cause i know shell flip out. cause 1) we really cant afford another baby right now (DH is the only one working) 2) sometimes we fight/dont get along so my mom hates that and 3) cause they are all so close together.

well Congrads and good luck!!

Lisa

 

[JustJamie]

I feel your pain, and I only have 1 child.

When I told my mom I was pregnant with my first baby, her exact words were "I wish I could be happy for you."

WTF.

She was thrilled with both my niece and my nephew - who have 2 different mothers, both of whom were still in high school when my over-18 brother impregnated them. *I* was (am) married to a wonderful man and am able to not only provide a home, food, clothing, etc., to our child, but am able to stay home with her and still give her everything she needs.

But she couldn't even find it in her heart to say "I AM happy for you" - whether it was how she actually felt or not. And now she wonders why DH and I aren't really in that big of a hurry to leave Germany, and once we do leave Germany, we WON'T be living in the same town as her.

 

[7kiddosmom]

I know how you feel. We are expecting our 8th child. I have only told my sister, she doesn't have any children, and she asked "Well, what are you going to do?". If I hadn't been on the phone with her I would've knocked her upside the head. What does that mean anyway??? I don't know let me see maybe I could stand on my head, bounce around and it would just disappear? I was so hurt and have decided that eventually everyone else will figure it out and if they are too dumb to notice that I am pg and not just getting fat then they will perhaps notice a new baby in the house.

I am very bitter about this subject. It bothers me that my sex life is up and open for discussion with family and even strangers. I have had people ask me if I plan on getting my tubes ties, WTF buisness is it of theirs. I have had ugly comments on message boards about how I am ruining the earth by having so many children. Don't I know what causes that? hmm lets see, everytime I wash dh's underwear, BAM I'm pregnant. Makes sense to me.

I love my children, each and everyone of them. Not one is loved less than another, your love grows as your family grows.

I would continue having children, but because of health reasons this will be my last. I am going to cherish every last moment of this pregnancy and not let other's opinons weigh me down.

I am so happy for your pregnancy! Enjoy it!

Kasey

 

[cornflower_3]

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