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Does anyone's family respect your wished they not be there for the birth? This time we've been telling family from the begining we didn't want anyone here since we're planning on birth center and or home birth. Now suddenly everyone wants to be here. Well, my fil and dh's aunt. My mil isn't coming until after the baby, since no one can pinpoint it anyhow. This all started last week with his aunt saying she'll be here in Fl visiting a friend and to call her when the baby is born or if we need help. Now she will actually help-cook, clean etc. My fil today says he wants to fly in the first week of July and stay for 10-14 days because we'll need help with ds. We would never leave ds with any of them since they just can't keep up with him-not to be mean-and wouldn't now.<br>
What changed in the last few months? The fact that we're closer to delivery now? I told my dh that I was nice as could be to my fil, saying why don't we wait a few more weeks to see before making flight plans. Dh can't take off before and after the baby, so he'd just be sitting around doing nothing and complaining that it was too hot. But he wants to get his tickets. Also we will have some cousins (diff fam side) here that first week, so we'll be busy enough with them. I especially don't want anyone "waiting" around for the baby to come if we have him/her at home. I was finally getting unstressed and feel like it's all come back. And dh can talk to them all he wants-they're going to do what they want and show up here July 1st pretty much. I just know if they get here early all we're going to here is why aren't we going to a hospital/obg, what about ds, why a home/water birth-blah blah blah and just add to stress we won't need right before the baby. We have everything worked out with who will watch ds if needed, mw's, birth plans etc but they won't listen. With what-less than 10 weeks left how do we nicely ask them to just wait when they need to make flight/hotel reservations, seeing how they are ignoring our wishes now? Has anyone else family done a turn around like this? Sorry to grump. It's just #%$#%@in'g me off right now they are doing this last minute.
 

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Hope it all works out for you!
 

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Not in your ddc, but couldn't read without posting.<br><br>
I think you should just lay it out that you don't want them there just one time and be very direct. If they still show up let them know where the local hotels are and offer to make reservations. I seriously would not want all those ppl coming into town right around my dd and thinking they are going to just hang around all day until the baby shows up. That would be way too stressful for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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I suppose for me this is where I'm lucky.. other than my mother (who I have very infrequent contact with) no one is really expressing an interest. If they were I would be firm and explain that you have things organised at home and won't be needing them at that time. Arrange for a time they can ALL come after the baby is born. Stay firm and stick to it don't let them walk all over you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry you are going through this right now.
 

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i would try:<br>
We already have people lines up to help with DS and taking care of us just before and after the birth. It would be really helpful if you could come after time, the first week in September, when we don't have any help lined up.<br><br>
or<br><br>
I know you want to be here to see your grandson when he is first born, but we are going to be really overwhelmed with the birth and the other help we have so if you come then you will need to stay in a hotel. Do you want me to help you pick one out that is close to (golf, a mall, fishing hole, ect) so that you will have something to do while you wait?<br><br>
Good luck<br><br>
As for my realatives, right now only my sister is coming for the birth, which I requested. But, we may end up moving half way across the country next month and then I think I will be in the same boat with you. Maybe I should save my suggestions and start practicing them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Amy
 

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Yay-I think we got most of everything straightned out and had to share. We remembered that we had flight vouchers from xmas mess up so we are using that to purchase mil's tickets. So we get to pretty much choose when and how long she's staying. It's not that I don't like my mil, but with ds she had to hold him 24/7 and I felt guilty every single time I got him to nurse him. I felt obligated for her to hold him since our family lives out of state.<br>
Now it's just a matter of convincing fil to purchase his tickets later as well. He wants to come down the 17th or before. It was the first week until I told him we already have a lot going on with visitors that second week. I'm going to try to see if he'll at least wait until the week of the 23rd. I know not all babies come on thier due date, but if we could have that first week to ourselves it would be so nice.<br>
I know I'll be busy with the nb, but our concern is also with ds 25m-we'd like him to have some time to adjust before the house is bombarded with people he rarely sees, causing more excitement. Maybe it's just us, but we feel he'll adjust a little better w/o all that from the start. I appreciate thier offer of help, but they can't watch ds anyhow themselves, and neither my fil or mil are ones to actually help with other stuff.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">I know I'll be busy with the nb, but our concern is also with ds 25m-we'd like him to have some time to adjust before the house is bombarded with people he rarely sees, causing more excitement. Maybe it's just us, but we feel he'll adjust a little better w/o all that from the start. I appreciate thier offer of help, but they can't watch ds anyhow themselves, and neither my fil or mil are ones to actually help with other stuff.</div>
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So true! If I was you I would probably wait until the baby is a month old or so and your ds is used to him/her. Then maybe he can handle more company and excitement!
 

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A month. *far away look in eyes* You just set this mom into a nice daydream <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> If we lived back home, believe me, visits would be only an hour or two and that's it. But it's sooooo hard being half country away, that dh and comprimise where we can.
 

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I had to sit back and think about this for a long time where my MIL is concerned. She's a little (read: A LOT) enmeshed, manipulative, sociopathic anyway. So, naturally, I wasn't planning on inviting her to be at the birth of my child. When we talked about it (she brought it up), she told me she didn't want to be in the delivery room, but wanted to be right outside the whole time I was in labor. Not going to work to me.<br>
Anyway, as the conversation unfolded, it became clear to me is what she is trying to recreate is the birth SHE always wanted. She wanted her family around her, and every time she gave birth she was hundreds of miles away from them, and my FIL always took off (couldn't stand to see her in pain). She just simply cannot fathom why anyone wouldn't want a giant support system, as she sees it. It's not a matter of disrespect. It's more like she wants this to be a good experience for me, but she can only see it from the point of view of what would've been a good experience for her.<br>
To make a long story short, this hasn't changed my decision. She isn't invited. Nor is anyone else by Dh. However, figuring out her motives has helped me to better explain my wishes to her.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> No advice since I want my mom to be here for the birth... I'm hoping the babe waits until she gets into town (we live in opposite corners of the US), but not too long after she gets here. The timing part makes me a bit nervous... it worked out well with dd's birth though! So I'm hoping we're lucky a second time...<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 
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