Mothering Forum banner
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,185 Posts
it's been 2.5 years for now, and we don't even have a separation agreement in place. see, ex figured out early on that with nothing on paper he doesn't have to pay child support. with him not paying anything and me a full time student, i can't afford a lawyer. i got denied legal aid for some reason, so i'm pretty much stuck. ex won't initiate a divorce or give me his paystubs or any other paperwork because it suits him just fine to stay married forever. it is truly screwed up.

i do, however, have a paralegal friend who has drawn up a million divorces, and has helped me write one up. it's illegal for her to give legal advice so i'm going to pretend i wrote it myself based on similar documents i'd seen and find a lawyer to check it over, sign it, and submit it to the courts, based on an hourly fee. then i'll get another friend to serve my ex and hopefully he doesn't dispute anything. and that will be that, possibly as soon as next week.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,405 Posts
I've been separated for 4 years but only filed for divorce about 6 mo ago. Our state has a 6 mo waiting period so we're nearly done now, just have to file the final judgement. I waited because I continued to get health insurance and because everything was working the way it was and I didn't feel a great need to deal with the legal part. I started to be more ready for it around the time that he was laid off last year, so we waited again (pointless to have legal arrangements when our financial situation was so unstable). He finally pushed me to file (and finally found the money for the filing fee he'd agreed to pay) when he started dating someone.

I have no regrets about how we've done it. It gave us time to really be done as a couple so the legal part is fairly painless.

Oh, we were together for nearly 10 years. I think the longer you've been together, the longer it takes to end the marriage and wrap it all up. Even if the legal part is handled quickly, it still takes a long time to get over the marriage (generally, about half as long as you were together)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
651 Posts
The judge wants certain documents, the ex does not comply, the judge gives him an extension, we wait months for a new court date (and I pay more in legal fees)...
The ex does not comply, the judge gives him an extension, we wait months for a new court date (and I pay more in legal fees)...
The ex does not comply, the judge gives him an extension, we wait months for a new court date (and I pay more in legal fees)...

If one of the parties doesn't cooperate and the judge doesn't want to make a default judgement it can get dragged out for a very long time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
596 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristandthekids View Post

The judge wants certain documents, the ex does not comply, the judge gives him an extension, we wait months for a new court date (and I pay more in legal fees)...
The ex does not comply, the judge gives him an extension, we wait months for a new court date (and I pay more in legal fees)...
The ex does not comply, the judge gives him an extension, we wait months for a new court date (and I pay more in legal fees)...

If one of the parties doesn't cooperate and the judge doesn't want to make a default judgement it can get dragged out for a very long time.
yeahthat.gif


We had no property or real assets to divide, only the custody of our 2 kids. It dragged on for 18 months, my lawyer said it was one of the most complicated cases she has had, even including cases with more kids and with community assets.

My ex had been arrested several times for domestic violence, including related to breakind a restraining order during the course of our divorce. He had nothing going for him so you would think it would be cut and dry, but he knew his legal rights. He had a right to file as many motions and extentions to the case as he wants, so he did.

In 18 months, my lawyer only filed 4 motions related to the divorce. He filed 96, forcing us to respond to each and delaying the case, as well as making it as expensive as he could have. He didn't win anything. I have full legal and physical custody of both kids, unusual in my state since the trend is now toward joint custody. But he had a legal right to make my life hell, and he did.

He even made me lose a job once over this. You are allowed to file an extension of the court date as little as the day before court, so he would. On 5 different occasions, I had taken time off of my then-minimum wage job just to appear in court, only to arrive and find it had been extended to a different date. Since he planned this, he didn't lose time from work. I lost so much time I was finally laid off.

He still takes me to court every couple of years, filing for custody. He has yet to win anything in court, but he has a legal right to file, and he does. He makes a lot more money than I do and he can afford it, I can't. He keeps us broke through all the legal expenses, only because he can.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,825 Posts
The ex does not comply. That's pretty much it. I fled the home with the kids so he got rid of all of our belongings. He was filing motions incessantly, just for fun, because he didn't show for most of the hearings that he filed for. He initially filed kidnapping charges and then for sole custody because I was insane but then I won sole custody and a restraining order. Then he filed divorce but never served me for over 2 years and there was nothing I could do because it was an open case. Then he finally served me. Then a really dumb judge told my ex and I to hash out the custody which is illegal because I have a restraining order and it is illegal for my ex to contact me. So for a year the custody stuff was in and out of court. And then I finally got things settled when my ex's rights were terminated and I'm hoping within the next few CMC's that I will finally get my divorce. Which will put me at 5 full years of good fun in court.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,448 Posts
Health insurance. I've been separated for almost five years. I'm on his health insurance and it doesn't cost extra to have me on it. He'll still pay the same for him and the kids. I'm self-employed and my income is pretty low so it has been very helpful.

I'm not sure when we will get divorced. I'll do the paperwork online and there isn't anything we are in disagreement about so it should be pretty quick once we start the process.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top