[lovbeingamommy]

Here's the backstory...I'm a teacher of gifted students. I've taught in two school districts and made friends with a lot of other teachers based on our love of teaching the gifted. So I recently got on FB (about two months ago) and am searching family, friends, and past/present like-minded teachers. I found this one teacher I was very cordial with and she also taught gifted stduents ( we had a lot in common) I moved to another district, but still teach gifted. I recently found her on FB from other teachers' mutual friends lists. I decided to send a request today. She accepted quickly enough, but when I looked, wait...tried to look at her Wall I found out I didn't have access...wah? Never have seen this before, so my question is why even friend someone if your aren't allowing them access to anything except your family photos and birthday. Seems sort of silly, I mean why even accept the friend request just ignore it. Maybe there's some reason, but I'm at a lose for what it could be, any thoughts?????

 

[2xy]

Maybe she's new to FB and doesn't understand the settings?

 

[4evermom]

That happened to me once. Then later I could access everything as if there was (an all too common) FB glitch or delay. Could be you can see her photos because she has them set for "friends of a friend" and you have a mutual friend.

 

[Purple*Lotus]

She may not know she did this. I did the same thing by accident to a friend of mine <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Had she not pointed it out, I would never have realized. I must have clicked something wrong. So I would not assume this person did it on purpose.

 

[AllyRae]

Some people have it set so that only some people can see their day-to-day wall posts. I don't understand why people accept friend requests like that, but if somehow I find out that I was put on the "limited access" list on a friend's fb, I'll either limit that person's access to my own wall or I'll delete them. I don't like that people sit and gawk at my wall, but then hide their own...seems kind of odd to me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">:<br><br>
So, yeah...I don't get why people even accept a friend request if they don't want to even interact. But once I find out that I had limited access to one's profile, I change the settings on my own to limit theirs since obviously they aren't good enough friends to want to let me in their daily lives (maybe they just like increasing their friend count?).

 

[lotusdebi]

Some people collect friends or accept friends because they don't want to hurt feelings, but are more particular about who sees their walls. I limit my wall to people I remember or have something in common with. All those people who graduated in my class but I never had a conversation with are welcome to "friend" me, but I limit what they see. I think you can still "chat" and send messsages and such. Feel free to limit what she can see of yours if that makes you feel better. I've learned not to take Facebook to personally.

 

[blizzard_babe]

Hmm, seems odd to me, but then again I don't really post anything that the whole world can't see. Teachers, especially, might have a specific group for "colleagues/parents/otherteacherlycontacts" because... some people can be weird about us teachers *GASP* having opinions and lives that involve anything but teaching and then going home and petting a cat. I get around this by being pretty selective when it comes to what I post; other people just set permissions as much stricter for professional (fellow teachers, students' parents, graduated students, etc) contacts out of concern.

 

[JollyGG]

She could have accepted your friend request not entirely sure if you were who she thought you were or not, or not sure if they really knew you or not. Then planned to change settings or whatever once they confirmed that you are indeed the person they thought you were.<br><br>
I've had a hard time once or twice when someone friended me and I wasn't entirely sure that they were the person I thought. Due to my own poor memory, changed last names, or whatever. I usually accept the friend request and then unfriend them if it turns out they weren't who I thought. After reading this I'm thinking of friending those people with limited access until I figure it out. It actually sounds like a good idea.

 

[PikkuMyy]

I don't think it's wierd at all. I use FB a fair amount with people I'm friends with IRL or have known online for a long time. I prefer to keep my personal life separate from my professional life, particularly in the education profession, where details of your person life can be used against you.<br><br>
I was hired to teach at a school about 4 months ago and within a week one of the other teachers sent me a friend request. I accepted it because I was new there and we were working closely together and it would have seemed rude and standoffish not to accept it, but I have a group set for work and certain family members that limits viewing to my info and photos. I didn't know her well enough for her to be reading what my friends wrote on my wall, and I still don't know her that well after 4 months. Not to mention the separation of work and personal lives I mentioned before.<br><br>
It's nothing personal - I like her. But we're not friends. We're coworkers. And most people should understand the importance of defining the relationships and keeping boundaries.

 

[JollyGG]

duplicate post

 

[JollyGG]

duplicate post

 

[MusicianDad]

Some people, I am guessing, like to put limits on what people see/learn based on relationship. She may be one of them. Kind of like, you might talk about problems in bed with your BFF but only discuss the weather or traffic with someone you are acquainted with at work.

 

[moss]

gosh, i thought that everyone uses lists and grants different levels of access depending on who they are. i have lists and i use them. i think it's smart to keep family, highschool buds, coworkers, playdate pals, etc separate. i mean, my mom, my coworker and my best friend from grade 10 wouldnt be invited to my house at the same time, why would i want them to hang out on my wall together?? that's just a disaster waiting to happen!! LOL

 

[blizzard_babe]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>moss</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15365002"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">gosh, i thought that everyone uses lists and grants different levels of access depending on who they are. i have lists and i use them. i think it's smart to keep family, highschool buds, coworkers, playdate pals, etc separate. i mean, my mom, my coworker and my best friend from grade 10 wouldnt be invited to my house at the same time, why would i want them to hang out on my wall together?? that's just a disaster waiting to happen!! LOL</div>
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I don't (DH does), mostly because I don't want to deal with setting up and managing the lists. I just watch what I say. Most of my friends are pretty mellow, though. I don't have the type of "drama" I see people talking about sometimes.

 

[Cherry Alive]

I reserve my wall for people who I know very well—or for folks I know who aren't super nosy (my extended family is totally off limits to my wall). Of course I could make multiple FB pages (it's becoming the vogue thing to do these days...especially having a separate FB page for work peeps), but I'm too lazy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[lovbeingamommy]

Thanks everyone for all the responses <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Now after fiddling around with FB privacy I do think this teacher "friend" did this with intent since as far as I can tell there's not an easy click button to block your wall. It seems you actaully have to maneuver a little to make this happen. So I did the same with my wall <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> rather than unfriend. I still don't get why anyone would accept the friend request and then block everything. I think it would've been a little less harsh to just ignore. That way no obvious message is sent to the person and they porbably forget about it quickly enough. This seems to me like a slap in the face - I'm accepting you as a friend, but your on the lowest level of my friend list. Idk, jmo <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">

 

[blizzard_babe]

Yeah, I chosen to "ignore" friend requests from former students (exception being those who have graduated) because it opens up a whole can of worms that I would prefer remain hermetically sealed shut. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I'd really guess that this person just has a "work" list where she puts coworkers, or automatically does that to professional contacts. It's not a personal thing, it's just where you get put, category-wise, after you get added. THen that entire group is subject to whatever allowance level you've selected. I, personally, agree with you in that I allow everyone to see everything and just don't say anything I don't want everyone knowing, but different people use FB differently... or have friends that can't be trusted to not post ridiculous things.

 

[Cherry Alive]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lovbeingamommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15365241"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks everyone for all the responses <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Now after fiddling around with FB privacy I do think this teacher "friend" did this with intent since as far as I can tell there's not an easy click button to block your wall. It seems you actaully have to maneuver a little to make this happen.</div>
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Given that you worked together, she probably has you in a friend list that's professionally based or she has everyone blocked from seeing her wall.<br><br>
It's a pain to initially set up, but once you have lists set up, it is actually *very* easy to block your wall from everyone or large groups.<br><br>
Ex - I created a list called "everyone." Anyone who I request or accept as a friend gets added to that list from the getco. If I wanted, I'd only have to request FB block my wall from the "everyone" list, and that would keep all of my friends from seeing my wall—including new friends I add.<br><br>
It's easy to take things too personally on FB. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[lovbeingamommy]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Cherry Alive</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15365254"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ex - I created a list called "everyone." Anyone who I request or accept as a friend gets added to that list from the getco. If I wanted, I'd only have to request FB block my wall from the "everyone" list, and that would keep all of my friends from seeing my wall—including new friends I add.<br><br>
It's easy to take things too personally on FB. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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Wow, no I didn't know it was that easy to do. I though you needed to go in and manually start typing in their name until it showed up and then add it. So considering the ease of it all, I can see where it wouldn't necessarily be anything personal. It just still seems like it would of been easier to just ignore. You're absolutely right though about how easy it is to take things too personally...and I do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I really need to work on this I think

 

[Viola]

I have a list called limited profile, which restricts access to my wall and photos. When I get friend requests, if I don't really know the person, I just put them on limited access. I usually put local businesses who have regular accounts, or politicians on limited access. They usually have so many friends that I think they are just looking for a high friend count. It seems like even people who have full access almost never comment on or read my wall anyway, and I've alienated many with all my Farmville updates, so I figure this is all they want anyway.