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I'm a lurker on this forum, and I'd like some advice.
I have a friend, and we disagree.
She thinks that CIO is okay, and my heart tells me it is wrong, wrong wrong.
She makes sense in my head though. She pointed out kids of mutual friends, and they (especially the toddler) seem very bratty and spoiled, and they have no respect for thier parents.

I have no real understanding of why CIO is so bad. Except that it feels so wrong in my heart, so please, give me the research, and the resources.
I have no intention of ever letting my child CIO, but I would like to know why in my head too. (and I'd like to educate DH)
I plan on slinging, and co-sleeping, and I know why those are healthy, and my husband agrees, but please, I need info and ammo about CIO.
My friend has a baby due in October, and I would love to help her understand why this is so bad.

thanks,

~Moose
 

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There is evidence of phycological damage even with limited CIO.
http://sites.mercola.com/2003/oct/22...led_crying.htm

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Australian health professionals have raised concerns that controlled crying, also known as controlled comforting and sleep training, may have a negative impact on the emotional and psychological health of infants. Controlled crying involves leaving a crying baby for increasing periods of times before coming to comfort them in an attempt to teach them to put themselves to sleep and not cry out during the night.
The researchers say that it is normal for babies and young children to not sleep through the night, and their crying is a sign of distress. Although controlled crying may teach children to stop crying, it may also teach them not to seek help when they are upset.
http://www.uniquebabyboutique.com/Re...g/Training.htm

Quote:
Keep one thing in mind when you consider letting your child cry it out. If you were upset and could not speak to communicate your needs, and you were crying in the middle of the night, how would you feel if your spouse walked by your room and ignored your cries? You would continue to cry until you came to the realization that the person who means more to you than anyone else in the world was not going to help you. Then you would stop crying. You would stop crying not because your needs have changed or gone away; no, you stop crying because you feel defeated.
What it comes down to if your child is crying THEY NEED YOU GO TO THEM!!!!! It dosnt matter what the need is emotional or physical. It is your responsabiltiy to respond to them ASAP when they NEED you.
 

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Let me turn it around for you. Would it be okay to leave an older person to scream for help while you ignored them? Think elderly. Think disabled. Think paralyzed. I've yet to have anyone tell me it would be okay to leave "grandma" who has Alzheimers and is bedridden to scream while you ignore her to "teach" her.

Why on earth would it be okay for an infant? It isn't. It never is.

-Angela
 

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I also think it's important to note the flawed thinking in what your friend is saying...about the spoiled brat thingy. AP (i.e. establishing a secure attachment to your child) does not equal letting your child walk all over you. Boundaries and consequences to behaviors do not go out the door simply because you are emotionally there for your child.

Wendi
 

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First of all, did the friends of yours NOT let their kids CIO?
Was the non-CIO the actual cause of their theoretical bratty spoiled-ness? I mean, correlation does not imply causation: if that were so, I could argue that global warming is caused by the decrease in pirates since the 1800s, because we stopped having so many pirates, and look here! The temperature's gone up ever since. See?

Second, has your friend ever cried?
How'd she feel?
Did she ever cry alone?
Did she wish someone were there?

Well, maybe if she did wish someone were there, she was just being bratty and spoiled?

Just a thought.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kungfumoose
I'm a lurker on this forum, and I'd like some advice.
I have a friend, and we disagree.
She thinks that CIO is okay, and my heart tells me it is wrong, wrong wrong.
She makes sense in my head though. She pointed out kids of mutual friends, and they (especially the toddler) seem very bratty and spoiled, and they have no respect for thier parents.

I have no real understanding of why CIO is so bad. Except that it feels so wrong in my heart, so please, give me the research, and the resources.
I have no intention of ever letting my child CIO, but I would like to know why in my head too. (and I'd like to educate DH)
I plan on slinging, and co-sleeping, and I know why those are healthy, and my husband agrees, but please, I need info and ammo about CIO.
My friend has a baby due in October, and I would love to help her understand why this is so bad.

thanks,

~Moose
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
Let me turn it around for you. Would it be okay to leave an older person to scream for help while you ignored them? Think elderly. Think disabled. Think paralyzed. I've yet to have anyone tell me it would be okay to leave "grandma" who has Alzheimers and is bedridden to scream while you ignore her to "teach" her.

Why on earth would it be okay for an infant? It isn't. It never is.

-Angela
Wow Angela,

You really put it in a perspective that I never considered. You have brought tears to my eyes. We never considered CIO and I always knew it was a terrible way to treat a child. But the image you put in my head by comparing this to a disabled adult reminded me of my brother. He was paralyzed in an accident and was at a Veterans Admin hospital for a long time. Those guys were treated TERRIBLY!!!!!
The nurses were so mean and let those guys CIO on a day by day basis. One poor roommate of my brother's feel out of bed at night and lay there for hours yelling for somebody and they ignored him. The nurses there were not sympathetic to my brother's brain injury that left him with impaired short-term memory. He would need something and would call for the nurse, when she got there he had forgotten what he needed and she screamed at him and threw a wet washcloth in his face and screamed, "IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!" Of course, this crap went on after or before visiting hours so family did not see. The other guys would let us know. There is so much more.
Too much to bear.

Love you children, hold them close. CIO is never OK.
 

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to you and your brother. That sounds awful. Those nurses should be reported. That is not an acceptable standard of care.

I just wish the same could be said of parents who neglect their babies like that.

-Angela
 

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I here the argument that CIO teaches them to self sooth - to fall asleep on their own. - Nope, it teaches them that the only way in which they know how to communicate is ineffective. They learn that if they need something and they call out for help - that it will not be there......They learn to not be able to depend on people....even your own mom....
 

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I once heard it described as "learned hopelessness"

That is not what I want my baby to learn.
Gossamer
 

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Why not CIO? Because it's cruel.

Imagine being scared or sad in the night, in the dark, alone. You know your dh is here somewhere, he'll come comfort you...soon... won't he? How much longer? Doesn't he hear you crying? Doesn't he care? Maybe he doesn't care. Maybe he left, maybe you're alone. You're alone and helpless and crying and no one is coming to comfort you. Not even the person who you trust the most.

Now imagine you're an infant, you're helpless and it's your mama instead of your dh who you trust most.

I really don't understand how someone can put their children through that hell.
 

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Wow. Thanks for this thread, y'all... especially the analogies. Being prior military, the post about the brother in the VA hospital really spoke to me. My mom keeps telling me to "set a timer"... nope. Not gonna happen. Slings aren't working for me yet, but I can still jump when she calls.
 

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Listen to a child's whisper, and they will learn to whisper.

No need to put them in their place- they are small and helpless and you as their mom are the only thing in the world they have to rely on.
 
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