[SarahMorgan]

On a site I own, one of my good friends keeps talking about having to wean her daughter when she turns 12 months. Her daughter is almost 11 months now and still nurses every 2-3 hours during the day. They both love nursing. She says how sad she is that she has to wean. I dont know what to say to her? I mean, she doesnt HAVE to wean. She is a SAHM, there is no reason to wean. She knows that I will be letting Hannah self wean, so I know she knows that you can do that. I just dont understand why so many people wean at 12 months even though they really dont want to? Dont get me wrong, I am very happy she has nursed this long. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> At first she was not going to nurse past 6 months, she was going to just pump the next 6 months, thankfully she changed her mind because so many of us were still nursing. However, Im the only one who is going to let my baby self wean. I guess Im just sad that she feels the need to wean when they both enjoy it so much.

 

[Peppamint]

Hmm... maybe ask her? Since she knows you practice CLW, you would think she would extend her "deadline".<br><br>
Perhaps she promised dh to quit by 12 months or something? I just finished reading <span style="text-decoration:underline;">So <i>that's</i> what they're for</span> and there's lots of mentions of setting deadlines etc to satisfy jealous dhs. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[HRC121799]

Sarah, I'd just ask her, "oh if you guys are doing so well with the nursing, I was just wondering how come you're stopping at 12 months?" or maybe do a poll or something to get conversation going. I'm letting Braden self wean. I can't imagine stopping in the next month! Nooo way noo how! So you've got me on your bandwagon. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[Gidget]

Is she pretty well informed on bf'ing? Maybe she isn't. I agree with asking her what has her thinking she needs to quit. Then perhaps you could print her out some info on reasons to nurse a toddler. Perhaps she is going by some thing she heard and thinks there is no nutritional need for it after that? I do not know your firend so I can only imagine why. If she is going by the AAP's recommendation maybe you could quote the WHO's recommendation? Good luck with guiding her. She may also come to the decision at the one year mark that they are really not ready. THat would be cool.

 

[RachelGS]

Here's a good link if she's receptive:<br><br><a href="http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/index.html" target="_blank">http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/index.html</a><br><br>
There's a fact sheet you could print out, too.

 

[loving-my-babies]

I have met a lot of people that think they have to wean at 12 months, because they only get the first part of what the AAP says. (that you should nurse for 6 months exclusively and then continue until 12 months) they don't read the next part... OR AS LONG AS MUTUALLY DESIRED.<br><br>
It's also a think about "getting your life back" some people IMHO can't wait until the baby stage it over to wean and "get on with their lives" this is what I have seen, at least..

 

[carrietorgc]

I post on a more mainstream board also, and there are quite a few nursing moms on it. they are almost all weaning at 12 mo <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I don't see how Julia is ready to wean now at 12 mo, so we are continuing and I'm taking my cues from her.<br><br>
maybe deep down she is ready to be done? needs some space? has pressure from DH or family?

 

[rareimer]

i would just ask her. ask her why, if she loves nursing so much, does she need to stop?<br><br>
maybe once they get to one year, she will keep going...just a little longer, little longer, etc, and then realize there really is no need to stop. or maybe she just believes all the people who say that the milk is no longer good after a year. tell her the WHO recommends nursing for at least 2 years, then maybe she can set herself another deadline...anything to get her to nurse longer right? hmm...she might have her own reasons, but it sounds like she has every reason to keep going. but it can't hurt to ask her what her reason is...and help her make sure that this is what she wants to do.

 

[Evergreen]

It sounds like she is almost rooting aroung (hee hee) for you to give her encouragment to stay the course.<br><br>
*I have had 2 friends tell me they were going to do the nurse 6 mos, pump 6 mos thing this year. What is up with that? SOunds like a big ole pain in the ass if you ask me.

 

[cjr]

Most people I have talked to say that nursing over 12 month is "gross". I think it's just a society thing. I had a conversation with a friend and she asked me how long I was planning on nursing ds (or at least be giving him bm) and when I told her until he was 2 or so she said "but he can go on **** milk at aged1". I told her that just because they are "allowed" to go on **** does not mean it's better for him than my own milk.

 

[marisa724]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cjr</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">she said "but he can go on **** milk at aged1".</div>
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I must be tivoing too much "Will and Grace" but that made me want to <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> a la Karen and Jack. "**** milk".... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I think that everyone just focuses in on the "12 months" guideline and maybe they don't always realize that it's just the <i>minimum</i> suggested time. I know that my DH is supportive of however I decide to parent, but when I mentioned extended BF to him, he said, "But you don't <i>have to</i> keep BFing when he's a toddler," and I said, "But I'll <i>want</i> to, and it's good for him." And he said, "Oh, okay..."

 

[soccerchic21]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>loving-my-babies</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have met a lot of people that think they have to wean at 12 months, because they only get the first part of what the AAP says. (that you should nurse for 6 months exclusively and then continue until 12 months) they don't read the next part... OR AS LONG AS MUTUALLY DESIRED.<br></div>
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I agree I think that a lot of people get confused by the statement and miss the last part. Also there are a lot of doctors who encourage mothers to wean at a year. My doctor was trying to tell me that Riley didn't "need" my breastmilk past 6 months. That what we were doing now was just for my comfort. Of course I know better.

 

[Sustainer]

I agree with the others that you should ask her why she thinks she has to wean. There's a high probability that she's just going by some ridiculous myth. If you could clear it up for her, she might be very relieved that she can continue breastfeeding, since she does enjoy it. It would be a real shame if you didn't say anything to her and she ended up quitting based on misinformation or lack of information. If you talk it through with her and she ends up quitting any way, then at least you will know that you tried and that she made an informed choice.

 

[thirtycats]

I think she just needs encouragement. I wouldn't push her too much, but just point out what the AAFP and WHO say. Maybe give her a copy of the "The Natural Age of Weaning." Whenever, I feel like a total freak for still breastfeeding an almost 3-year old, I read that article and it makes me feel completely better.<br><br>
I planned on weaning my DS when he was a year-old...even though he loved nursing and it seemed impossible to stop. I just was scared of what my family would think. I was afraid of turning into one of those crazy people still breastfeeding a five-year old.<br><br>
Your friend just needs someone on her side.

 

[SarahMorgan]

Thanks ladies, I think I will email her. I dont want to bring it up on the board, dont want her to feel like Im jumping on her in front of everyone.