[StephandOwen]

As a disclaimer, I work in a daycare (infant room). I try to be really understanding and I KNOW parents do things different and, while I may not agree with it, I do have to deal with it to a degree.

So we have a 4 month old boy, we'll call him *D*. He's only been in our daycare for a couple weeks now. Monday he was ill, fever (99.x, we tend to send home once it hits 100), pooping everywhere multiple times, vomited once. When mom came to pick him up I told her all that had been happening. I made it *very* clear that he's ill.

Tuesday hits and we had a nasty ice storm on Monday night. Closed all the schools and most daycares (ours was one of the lucky ones who decided to stay open

). The mom of *D* has the day off work (she told us that Monday when she picked him up) so we figured he wouldn't be there. Wrong. She brings him. She put him in the swing and kinda turned her back so we couldn't see what she was doing..... which was giving the baby tylenol

: And then she left (later we looked in the diaper bag to put something away and saw it was CHILDREN'S TYLENOL. You know, for kids age 2 and up. For a 4 month old baby

Anyway, Tuesday he's cranky, not eating well at all, crying, pooping, wheezing (a really bad wheeze), and- by 2:00- has run out of diapers because he's pooped so much. One of my co-workers called the mom to tell her (she's a friend of the mom). The mom basically said "So what? I'll get him when I decide to pick him up" and said she was at home resting.

I don't play that game. This baby is ILL. He is struggling to breath. If she didn't pick him up I was sure I was going to have to call an ambulance (and, subsequently, CPS). I took his temp- over 100. Co-worker called mom back and told her the temp. The mom said "So what? Do I really have to come get him?". Ummmm.... yeah. You do. She came and got him at 4:00 with an attitude. Co-worker basically told her that she needed to take him to the dr and stood there while she called to make the appointment (which ended up being at an after hours clinic at 5:00). I go to work in a couple hours and will see if he's there today....

But why do people have babies if that's how they're going to treat them? Seriously.

 

[ElliesMomma]

why do people like this have babies if this is how they are going to treat them?

good question. i would hazard a guess that the answer is somewhere along the lines of "because they think they should" or "in case they might want them someday."

very sad. it makes me wonder how she treats him at home, that she needed him out of her hair so bad that she dumped him off with you guys, when he's sick and she has the day off.

 

[Milkymommi]

That's heartbreaking

I really had no idea what this post was about when I followed it from the homepage... I feel the same way you do. Unfortunately my feelings are heavily compounded by the fact that I lost my own precious baby in Oct to stillbirth. It's something I've always felt strongly about anyway, if people aren't totally consumed and in love with their children wanting to always take care of them to the best of their abilities- why have them? If they are a hassel, which when one sees these types of situations it's only fair to assume, why?

Maybe she's a first time mom and overwhelmed? Just trying to be fair but at the same time... I get overwhelmed too but common sense and love for my children drive me to do the right things kwim? Not to harp and be overly critical but her attitude upon pick up says to me that she KNEW she was doing something wrong. Acting put out or that you ladies were being rediculous to help herself to avoid feeling responsible. Yikes, I hope the baby is ok. Poor Little.

 

[kirstenb]

Oh that poor baby.

I know when my son is sick he wants to do nothing besides cuddling on the couch with me.

Does your daycare have rules for when kids are sick? I know my son's daycare will call parents for immediate pickup if their temp is over 100 degress, or if they vomit or have diarrhea. They also have to stay home the next day.

 

[Drummer's Wife]

that's rough. I would definitely send sick kiddos home and requre that they be well for 24 hrs straight before coming back... especially with vomiting and diarrhea.

But I know that's easier said than done and when I worked in childcare we had plenty of times where infants and toddler came in drugged up on a kiddie cocktail of fever reducers and cough meds which would mask their illness in the morning and they'd be struggling the rest of the day.

I think often it was because the parent could not get time off from work and they didn't seem to realize the importance of not exposing all the other children... you know how it is when one is sick, they all tend to get sick and it can be a never-ending cycle.

that is really sad about her attitute and scary that she was giving him children's tylenol. Poor baby, I hope he got the care he needs and feel better soon.

 

[mistymama]

Wow, that's awful. I try to never judge other people, but it's hard to imagine leaving a sick 4 month old at daycare and having an attitude about taking him to the dr. when he's wheezing.

My son is 6 and has asthma/wheezing that is brought on by illness. Even without a fever, when he's wheezy, he feels so yucky. I'm lucky in that I can work from home if needed, so I'll keep him home with me until his chest has cleared up. I can't imagine at 4 months old how pittiful he would feel.

I hope that little guy is feeling better soon.

 

[TinkerBelle]

At the preschool my son attended, this was not acceptable behavior, and would likely get you a visit from CPS.

I understand that employers are not always understanding about things, but this "mother" was at home. This was not a case of her getting fired if she wasn't at work.

She had no reason, as far as we know, not to come get her sick baby. I don't care if she is depressed or her pantyhose are too tight, you do not neglect a sick infant.

Poor baby.

 

[Sierra]

My wife is a former professional preschool teacher, and if a parent ever returned to preschool (to any of the preschools where she worked over the years) with a child who had vommitted or had diahrea the day before (and a fever...though it depends on the exact temp), let alone "all of the above," it would violate health code and she would have turned away the child at the door.

It was hard sometimes because some parents were struggling to make enough money to make ends meet and needed to get to work, but the preschools always were very upfront from the time of enrollment and dw had to enforce the policy, which was a requirement of the state. It would have violated their license to do otherwise, not to mention put the other kids at risk.

So I don't really understand why the "daycare" (childcare) where your work didn't call the mom in after the second diahrea or the first vomit on the first day! That's shocking.

As for the mom, that doesn't sound good. There are any number of reasons that a mom might behave that way, ranging from being simply tired and overwhelmed and perhaps without support and good information (and most likely, without any parent role models)...to a severe postpartum depression...to early stages of child neglect. I would talk to her very directly about your concerns, or ask the director to do so, and keep a close eye on her. Things could quickly go from bad to worse, or things may just continue to be "borderline but damaging" if nothing is done.

 

[guestmama9917]

poor little guy! but, maybe he was better off with you that day (i know that is not really the point..) but you were able to care for him, made sure he had his bum changed etc. do you think this would have been done by her in light of her behaviour?

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I agree that this wasn't the right way for the mom to deal with the situation.

But you are gossiping about a client of your daycare center. This is not ethical. It should be against your center policy. If I were the mother and I read this, I would be beyond livid. Its one thing when its a friend or stranger that you are judging, but this is a business relationship you are jeopardizing.

 

[skolbut]

At the daycare I used to work at we saw this kind of thing all the time... lots of kiddos 'got' a fever just before lunchtime, right when their tylenol wore off... then mom or dad got a half a day of work in before having to go home (SO SAD). Our policy was out for 24 hours after being sent home for diahrea (sp?), vomiting, or fever over 100... BUT if we forgot to give the parent the slip that said so, inevitably they'd be back the next day. As a former working mom it is tough to find alternate care when your kiddo is sick, but sick is sick and you need to stay home. Some people don't. That's why we have cold/flu season.

FWIW, sometimes I would send ds to daycare when I had the day off to catch up on sleep, schoolwork, house cleaning, etc. We had to pay for him to go full time anyway, even if I took a day off. It just seemed to help to keep his routine steady and he always loved his home daycare.

 

[StephandOwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sierra So I don't really understand why the "daycare" (childcare) where your work didn't call the mom in after the second diahrea or the first vomit on the first day! That's shocking.

I don't understand either. It probably has to do with the fact the economy is crap and people here are getting laid off left and right.... which means they pull their kids out of daycare. All of our rooms are currently full, except the infant room. Which, until last week, wasn't even half full. That's a big chunk of income and I'm sure the director is trying not to piss off more parents.

Which is not right. At all.

We do have a rule that if your child needs tylenol they can't be at daycare (without a dr note- one of our babies had surgery and then came back still needing tylenol.... that was acceptable). If your child has a fever they can't be at daycare. If he's pooping alot or vomiting they can't be at daycare. And they're supposed to be fever/poopy/vomit free for 24 hours. Sometimes it's enforced, sometimes not. Unfortunately, when I do work mornings I don't usually work the infant room. I do work the infant room every afternoon. So yesterday I didn't know *D* was there until his mom was already gone.

 

[StephandOwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom But you are gossiping about a client of your daycare center. This is not ethical. It should be against your center policy. If I were the mother and I read this, I would be beyond livid. Its one thing when its a friend or stranger that you are judging, but this is a business relationship you are jeopardizing.

I don't see it that way. I gave out no info on where the daycare is, what daycare it is, the kiddos name, the mom's name, etc. Maybe if she *did* read it, it would be a wake-up call.

Quote:

Originally Posted by skolbut FWIW, sometimes I would send ds to daycare when I had the day off to catch up on sleep, schoolwork, house cleaning, etc. We had to pay for him to go full time anyway, even if I took a day off. It just seemed to help to keep his routine steady and he always loved his home daycare.

And this I have no problem with. If a parent has a day off and sends their HEALTHY kiddo to daycare, great. That's what I'm there for, afterall

We have a couple parents who told me yesterday they have the day off today but are dropping kiddos off so they can go shopping. Cool. Have fun! But if kiddo is ill, keep them home!

 

[Ruthla]

It sounds like your daycare needs clearer policies on sick children- like "no attendance for 24 hours after vomiting". But, with a 4mo, it can sometimes be hard to distinguish vomiting from "spitting up" or diarhea from "breastfed baby poop" (or the poop from hypoallergenic formula.)

As for giving the children's tylenol, it's really no more dangerous than the infant kind, provided she used an appropriate dose. It's really no more likely to give the wrong dose of children's rather than infant's tylenol, and the children's type is more dilute (dosages are given per teaspoon, not per dropperful.) So if she gave an 'infant tylenol dose" of "children's tylenol" then the baby got less medicine, not more.

 

[Missy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom I agree that this wasn't the right way for the mom to deal with the situation. But you are gossiping about a client of your daycare center. This is not ethical. It should be against your center policy. If I were the mother and I read this, I would be beyond livid. Its one thing when its a friend or stranger that you are judging, but this is a business relationship you are jeopardizing.

Oh, please.

After what that the mom did, having her business (sans her name and the name of the day care and any real identifying details) should be the last thing she's worried about.

I usually accept that there is a wide spectrum of parenting choices, but this was neglectful, period. In addition to not taking care of her sick 4-mos old, she knowingly and carelessly exposed all the other children. Which, if I had a baby there, would make me livid.

Knowing the baby had been clearly sick the day before, the mom should not have been allowed to leave hiim the next day. When she showed up, she should have been told to turn around and leave.

The mom may have PPD, but, if that's the case, she needs immediate help because she cannot endanger her baby or others.

 

[purplemoon]

I don't understand the attitude problem with the mom at all or why when she was off she couldn't come and get him. How sad and I worry about the mom and how she is coping as well.

I will say that I have been that "mom". I had two in daycare and they were sick all the time. I never worked more than 3 days a week. Sometimes I would do the cocktail so I wouldn't get fired. Well, it doesn't work too much and was fired, lost my home and am on food stamps. We tried in home daycare but she took my children without permission to her home and I came home to not knowing where my children were. And I suspected alcohol abuse.

That is why I decided to start a home business helping families that have to work and can't stay home for every fever or loose diaper. For single mothers and struggling parents. I do sick child care. I figure while mom would love to be there snuggling their baby/toddler, I know that baby needs to eat and be in a home.

Just a different perspective from someone who couldn't find a way to keep a job and have children in daycare and had to become more flippant than I wanted to so I could survive. There is probably a lot more to this story.

 

[Cherie2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TinkerBelle I don't care if she is depressed or her pantyhose are too tight, you do not neglect a sick infant. Poor baby.

This seems very glib to me... depression is a very serious medical issue with dire consequences for both mother and child - and should not be compared to pantyhose being too tight. It sound to me like this mom is either under-informed, overwhelmed, depressed or all three and should be treated with the same care and concern as any other hurting human being.

 

[momtokea]

Wow. 4 months, poor baby.

Is there a father in the picture? Is the mother depressed?
Keep an eye on this little baby, it sounds like he is going to need someone looking out for him. Perhaps the mother needs some help/counselling/care.

 

[TinkerBelle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cherie2 This seems very glib to me... depression is a very serious medical issue with dire consequences for both mother and child - and should not be compared to pantyhose being too tight. It sound to me like this mom is either under-informed, overwhelmed, depressed or all three and should be treated with the same care and concern as any other hurting human being.

You are right. It was meant to be a "spectrum of reasons" comment, not a comparison. I have had depression and anxiety attacks, so I should have worded it more carefully.

However, I see no reason to ever purposely neglect an infant. The mom was called and basically said "oh well". That torked me off.

 

[RomanCarmelMom]

Next time that baby starts wheezing, please call an ambulance! And the next time the mother refuses to pick up her child, or to care for her sick infant, please call someone that can help her. It sounds like she needs either some parenting classes, or some extra support. If she's suffering from depression, it can keep her from bonding with her child, and keep her from properly caring for him. The support programs out there are created for moms like her, who need a break, or someone to help.