[BnInTheOvn]

WHYYYYY is it that people (family, friends, people at the grocery store, MEN...) feel it's ok to "educate" a woman who is breastfeeding on why she needs to stop??

I DO NOT GET IT. I was just reading through the "I learned something from my grandmother" post, after previously reading the 3957354682 posts about OTHER people who have had comments thrown at them about BFing, and I'm getting so frustrated.

I have never seen someone go up to a 2&1/2 yo in the mall and pull the pacifier out of his mouth, and tell his mommy that he's "too old" for it.
Or wrip the blanket from a preschooler, because it's "weird" to be that attached to it.
Or flog a mom for letting her over-one-year-old drink from a bottle.

ALL things which the doctor will also tell you ARE NOT NECESSARY AND YOU SHOULD WEAN YOUR CHILD FROM EARLIER ON. A pacifier, they will tell you, will misshape the childs mouth and teeth. A blanket (and the pacifier) creates an unnecessary form of secuirty limiting a child's independence to try new things. A bottle after a year is bad for the teeth and mouth and the kid should be drinking from a cup.

Anyone ever said any of those things to someone? Or someone else say it? NOT ME. But on several occassions I've found myself batting away "bullies" who attack or question my reasons to BF, and especially my reasons to BF past 1 year.
I have never "exposed" myself in public, I have ALWAYS covered up (unless at home or in an area where I am not in close proximity to strangers or people I dont want watching). I've even left the room if someone seems uncomfortable. I am the most community friendly breastfeeder there is.
Yet someone always has a comment.

WWWHHHHHYYYYY??!!!?!??!?!?!?

 

[BnInTheOvn]

And just an ad on --- I HATTTTTE when I get told something, argue with it or say it doesnt work for me, and then get told "Well youre a 1st time mom, trust me you'll change your mind once your experienced"
Oh, Yeah. Cuz right now I dont have a CLUE what Im doing.... Thank heavens for that freak in the mall who set me straight before I did something *really* stupid...

 

[quietserena]

Ah yes, the first time mom thing.

:

My reply lately has been this: if she is young enough to have a bottle, then she's young enough to nurse.

I've seen people stop and think about that... Not all though, there are always the stubborn few.

 

[gypsyhips26]

I know its maddening, isn't it-all of that unsolicited advice! Argh! Just wanted to chime in to let you know you're not alone in your frustration.

Just keep on doing what you know is best for your babe. (And that "you're a 1st time mom" comment makes me crazy too!) My retort is usually something about the WHO recommendations that you BF a child for the 1st two years or so. That usually quiets people down!

 

[Eliseatthebeach]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BnInTheOvn I have never seen someone go up to a 2&1/2 yo in the mall and pull the pacifier out of his mouth, and tell his mommy that he's "too old" for it. Or wrip the blanket from a preschooler, because it's "weird" to be that attached to it. Or flog a mom for letting her over-one-year-old drink from a bottle.

You're kidding right? Um....yeah, I have seen that many many many times!

I am sorry that people are commenting on your bf'ing toddler. Fortunately for us I have never experienced that, but I know it's out there. I am very open about my dd still bf'ing.
I would just reply with something like "Thanks for your advice, but I'll do what I feel is best for my lo and this is what I feel is best!"

 

[mom2threenurslings]

It's very frustrating when people question any aspect of how you parent, even moreso when it's something as dear to your heart as breastfeeding!!!

I usually find myself saying, "Wow, really? That's not what my research and my doctor say ... in fact, premature weaning is an epidemic in our country, increasing health issues in children and in mothers, who reap benefits from breastfeeding as well..." Usually people back off when they realize that I know what I'm doing / talking about.

One of my favorite "first mom" comments came recently when I was out shopping with just my 9.5 month old dd. I was nursing her in the sling and a woman wanted to peek into the sling to see her and I said, "She's nursing." and she was shocked. She said that if I was going to breastfeed, I should at least use a bottle when I was out and shouldn't she be weaning soon since she's already 9 months old....and then she said something about me being a first time mom, blah blah blah. I just looked at her and said, "Thank you for your concern - but this is my FIFTH child, I'm a breastfeeding counselor and I know what I'm diong." Her jaw dropped and she turned and walked away.

 

[quietserena]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mom2threenurslings One of my favorite "first mom" comments came recently when I was out shopping with just my 9.5 month old dd. I was nursing her in the sling and a woman wanted to peek into the sling to see her and I said, "She's nursing." and she was shocked. She said that if I was going to breastfeed, I should at least use a bottle when I was out and shouldn't she be weaning soon since she's already 9 months old....and then she said something about me being a first time mom, blah blah blah. I just looked at her and said, "Thank you for your concern - but this is my FIFTH child, I'm a breastfeeding counselor and I know what I'm diong." Her jaw dropped and she turned and walked away.

: love it!

 

[MountainMamaGC]

My favourite comment is

You know it turns into water after a year right?

Wow breasts can make milk AND water? I didnt know that, thanks!

 

[AmandaClare]

I hate that. I'm already getting the comments about my son, who is not even 14 months yet.

:

Unfortunately, my 3 year old still uses her pacifier sometimes and strangers DO think it's okay to come up to her and tell her she's too old and ask her if she's a little baby. Some have even taken it from her mouth. It makes me so angry...while I agree that she's too old and it drives me nuts that she still has it, I'm not going to try and shame her into giving it up.

 

[BnInTheOvn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmandaClare I hate that. I'm already getting the comments about my son, who is not even 14 months yet. : Unfortunately, my 3 year old still uses her pacifier sometimes and strangers DO think it's okay to come up to her and tell her she's too old and ask her if she's a little baby. Some have even taken it from her mouth. It makes me so angry...while I agree that she's too old and it drives me nuts that she still has it, I'm not going to try and shame her into giving it up.

They have taken it out of her MOUTH?? EW! I would never walk up to an adult eating a sandwhich and pull it out of their mouth, why would anyone touch something in someone else's mouth?!

That reaaaaally bothers me too, that people would say something to HER, and make her feel like she's doing something wrong, or that she isn't a big girl (which is devestating to the under 6 crowd). The comment shouldn't be made period -- but if something is said it should be made to the parent... who can at least defend themselves.

I just feel like whether its family, friends, or strangers... people should not make a comment unless I ask them for it, or unless I'm doing something dangerous that could harm my child. If she was chewing on scissors, by all means, speak up. But a pacifier?? keep the comment to yourself. ya know??

 

[1littlebit]

people are rude ... and generally uneducated. i have noticed that people who don't have kids feel that they are experts, people who have older kids then you think they are experts, people who have more kids than you think they are experts, oo wait.. thats pretty much everyone!

i am a fan of looking at them in pure wonder and inquiring how they are so bold that they are comfortable disregarding the breast feeding recommendation of the AAP and WHO. what information could she possibly have that they do not?

oo and my old pediatrician hates pacifiers with a passion. i think she would ban them from her office if she could. shes a big breast feeding advocate and thinks pacifiers especially early on interfere with that. and shes not real subtle about it

 

[1littlebit]

btw i would lose it if someone took a pacifier out of ds mouth. people are creepy and rude. boundaries people!!!

 

[AbbieB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1littlebit ... oo and my old pediatrician hates pacifiers with a passion. i think she would ban them from her office if she could. shes a big breast feeding advocate and thinks pacifiers especially early on interfere with that. and shes not real subtle about it

I would like to gently say, she's right. Pacifiers can interfere with breastfeeding, especially in the first few months.

I WISH my doctors were this informed.

But I get how annoying it is to have someone, anyone, try to subvert your parenting or bagger you to death with their opinions. I bet you just want to scream at that doctor "I get it, you hate pacifiers. Let's move on to the reason we are here."

 

[Katie T]

I have never talked to anyone about their children and there lovies. I have on the other hand had lots of comments between extended breastfeeding, favorite blankets, and binkies.

: My mother in law is one of the worst she always asks when is he going to stop using/doing this and my reply is maybe by kindergaten, I may be really layed back after 3 children but I really dont let it get to me the will grow up too fast as it is why rush it? Enjoy your little ones as is.

 

[1littlebit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AbbieB I would like to gently say, she's right. Pacifiers can interfere with breastfeeding, especially in the first few months. I WISH my doctors were this informed. But I get how annoying it is to have someone, anyone, try to subvert your parenting or bagger you to death with their opinions. I bet you just want to scream at that doctor "I get it, you hate pacifiers. Let's move on to the reason we are here."

lol i agree with her actually. ds wouldn't get a pacifier if he were EBF. she was also the only one who told me it would be ok to bf on my medication we would just have to get my milk and DSs blood tested to make sure the levels were not to high... i wish i would have listened to her

the testing scared me and the LCs and the other pediatrician in the practice said it wasnt worth the risk.. i didn't know what i know now. lol. shes pretty cool. she told me she cloth diapered her youngest for awhile but couldn't deal with the leaks... he's 16 ... so maybe it was different lol.. she liked my diapers though!

she also told me right after i had ds and was struggling with nursing that it would get much better and eventually i would be able to eat a sandwich, answer the door and sign for a package while nursing without ever popping ds off.

o and she said mothering is one of the only parenting magazines worth reading... partly because of the subjects and partly because the articles actually out number the adds.

 

[OkiMom]

I love the first time mom comments.. I get them all the time and now that I have two I get the "when you have as many kids as me..", which started at the hospital. I also love the conversations which start with "I couldn't breastfeed my kids because.." and end with them trying to give me breastfeeding advice.
I was just told that its impossible to breastfeed a toddler and a baby because it was going to make me sick. I didn't know that breastfeeding my two girls was going to land me in the hospital, why didn't anyone tell me??