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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
To make it sure my son is 6 years old. He was born in GA and since we have lived in kansas, colorado, california and arkansas. Okay so 5 states in the 6 years of his life. I was talking to someone and kind of laughing about it when I mentioned it and he said" that's not funny, that sounds very emotionally damaging to your son. I don't think he'll apreciate that when he gets older."<br>
WTF. I didn't really have anything to say but I think it was rude. I mean in teh same sense DD is 2 and his lived in 3 differant states but she's still young according to the man it shouldn't have a lasting affect on her if I correct that now just DS.<br>
Okay he has me thinking now. I sthere any truth to this?
 

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I think it depends on the child. I was an "Army brat" who moved around every few years. I loved it. For me, it was exciting to go to different places and meet new people.<br><br>
However, my brother hated it. For a long time, he had a great deal of resentment toward my father. If Dad wasn't in the Army, I wouldn't have to leave my friends, etc...<br><br>
Why my brother and I looked at it differently, I don't know. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:
 

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I don't think it is something to laugh about either--it is a very troubling side effect of military life, unfortunately. It has been well documented that moving is stressful for adults even in the most healthy psychies (up there with death of a family member) and for kids who don't have the same coping skills it can be damaging. Usually for kids under first grade age most of the emotional harm can be minimized by having a very strong family unit, but as kids become more peer oriented (7 years and up) it can be a real hardship on your child.<br><br>
I moved a great deal as a younger child (about 7 times before I was 8) and it did start to really affect me. In some towns my brother would be beaten up after school because we were the new kids and he was a chubby kid. It was hard to get close to other kids because I knew we would just be moving anyhow. The second to last town we were in (in San Diego) was awful, and I remember not even bothering to make friends there. My mom finally saw what was happening to us and she demanded that my dad get a job and we put down roots--we did in Davis, California. I grew up there...and it was a wonderful town to live in. But I still remember for a few years after we moved there being scared that I would come home and find my mom packing up again with that forced cheerfulness that "we were moving again".<br><br>
This is one of the really tough parts of military life--it is so unfair to you and your husband too! It is interesting that you bring this up because I was just browsing around last night and I found this webpage from Mark Hamill (Luke from Star Wars) and he talks about this very subject! Here it is:<br><br><a href="http://www.geocities.com/starlamedra2/hamill.html" target="_blank">http://www.geocities.com/starlamedra2/hamill.html</a><br><br>
I know you cannot help your moving around--I do understand that. But I bet you could learn some helpful techniques for your kids to adjust to all of the moving. Just talking to them and letting them know it is okay to feel a loss is a good start.<br><br>
Hugs,<br>
Lisa <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I think if your son is in a happy and loving home, it doesn't matter if you move a lot or not! My hubby's family moved a lot and he loved it, while his sister had more trouble adjusting. If your son is in public school, I guess that could make it harder.<br><br>
We moved a lot while we had pre-schoolers and babies, but now that two are in school, we're staying put. Good luck!
 

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I am another military kid who hated all of the moving around.<br><br>
When my husband and I were dating, he thought about joinng the marines rather seriously. I told him to call me when he was through and basically quit speaking to him for some time.<br><br>
I knew what military life entailed and wanted NOTHING to do with it. I id not look at as some grand adventure..but rather a disasterous end to our relationship.<br><br>
I hated moving. I hated knowing it was time for new orders to come up. I hated the uncertainty of he entire thing. I hated switching schools and after awhile I shut down completely and quit trying to be social in nay way. I just gave up, because I rationalized that we were leaving soon anyway.<br><br>
I am now, a person who greatly struggles wiht change. I don't handle it well. I don't know if it is beause of the military lifestyle of moving an etc..or because that is just my core personality.<br><br>
All I do know is that there are kids like myself who hate the entire ordeal , resent their parents, and want nothing to do with the military ever again.<br><br>
I also know there are kids wholove the entire thing..so please don't think just because I hated it, your son will. He might enjoy it. Who knows?<br><br>
One issue I will bring up however, is there is a certain subsection of military"brats" who become juvenile delinquits ..partially due to the fact that they KNOW in nine months or ten months or what have you that they are leaving..so they go ahead and act like little monsters and get a slap on the hand because they are new..then move onto the next base and do the exact same thing and get away with it again.<br><br>
Two of these type of kids once beat my cat to death with a baseball ball when I was 15. They got away with it.<br><br>
You must watch out for these type of kids. They are snaeky and evil. And they really just DON'T care what the consequences are..becasue ultimitly they are not staying in the area anyway..so they just do as they please.<br><br>
I did know a coupld kids who really enjoyed the lifestyle. To them it was an adventure and they loved the moving and the change and so on. They looked forward to exploring new places and making new friends. When it came time ofr orders to come up they happily joined in the discusion of "should we go to Italy or Germany/ Florida or Washington.."<br><br>
I was never one of those kids. I thought a lot about moving in with my grndparents in Pennsylvania so I would never have to go through the moving and etc..but never did because I didn't want to be away from my Mom, sister and brother.<br><br>
I have no idea what your son will think, nor your daughters. They may love it, or loathe it. You won't find out for sure until they are old enough to talk to oyu about it..and then I say you have to do what is best for your family.If they love iut and you love it, then go for it..but if your kids begin to hate the entire process then hopefull your DH can remain at one base for an extended period of years, or he can retire and you can settle somewhere so they don't have to be moved around anymore.<br><br>
It is hard to say. I knew that I never wanted to do it again, and I knew I did not want to have a marriage and raise children around the military..I KNEW what the sacrifices were and said NO THANK YOU!<br><br>
However,Joe did not join the marines..and I married him , and here we are..five years later. e have movedfour times over th course of our marriage..but always withing the same small area of the state...close to family. I won't go anywhere else! i plan to put down some deeeeeeep roots.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I wasn't laughing as in it's funny just as in ironic, kwim.<br><br>
I am a military brat myself and until this man said something I never though of lasting effects. I loved to move as a child I still to this day have no problem moving so I guess it just never occured to me that this was an issue.<br>
I think it's more of a personality thing than moving now that I think it through. Those who have had trouble as an adult who in turn fault the moving as a child may very well have had these issues even in the most stable of homes. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if it is indeed scarring than why so many former military brats here have such different outcomes.<br><br>
I asked my son about it and he said he loves to take trips and likes to see lots of different places, he thinks it's fun. he may change his mind when he gets older but as long as he's happy for now I feel better. HE says that when he gets tired of his old room he gets a new one! So he may have a more adjusting personality. My 2 year old may be another case but I will have to cross that bridge as it comes.
 

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I was an Army brat until age 3, when my mother divorced my Army father. But after that we moved around even more because my mother had to keep chasing jobs. By the time I was 15 I had moved 15 times. As a pre-schooler I really don't think I cared. Little kids just want to be wherever Mommy is. Once I was in school, though, it did get to be a drag, having to change schools and make new friends. And after a while (as an older child) all the moving around did get to be unsettling, like I didn't have any roots anywhere. I still consider my grandmother's house "home" because that's the only place that was always there for me. It is now psycholigically difficult for me to move even when it's unhealthy for me to stay in the same place, because I'm now psychologically clingy to my location and sort of traumatized I guess from always uprooting, and in desperate need of some feeling of permanance. Consequently, as an adult, I've been living in the same miserable little apartment for more than 10 years now -- I know I should have gotten out of here long ago but the idea of moving again makes me shudder. I guess I would say that there's no need to worry about all the moving around you've done up until now, because I'll bet your child has been too young to care, as long as mommy's there, but now that your child is getting a little older, you might want to consider settling down a little and trying to stay in one spot for a while.
 

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When I was a child I always dreamed of moving. I always wanted to go somewhere new and meet new people, we never really went anywhere. Now as an adult I still get very bored staying in one place. So before my oldest started school we moved a lot. Now that he is in school and has friends and all I am back to just dreaming about moving!<br>
I felt at the time when we were moving a lot that my boys did not care where we were as long as we were together, and we sure got to experience and see a lot of different places. Definately positive for us. Again, I believe ever person/child is so different and moving can definately be a major stressor.<br>
So Jeca, will you be moving again anytime soon?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Yep,moving again when Dh comes back. We'll be going back to colorado for a few more years and than I don't know where but we will be moving out of CO taht's for sure. I've always hated it there and would never, ever, put roots down there. And staying put really isn't an option as lond as DH is in the service. I do know a few wives who stay where they like and just let their DH move fromstation to station and they just visit but I would not, could not do that.<br><br>
I always like being the new girl inschool, you get lots of attention. We moved just in time for my sisiter to start school here on time but she didn't want to go when everyone else started caus eshe wanted to be the "new girl".
 

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I grew up in the same house until I left home for college. My husband lived in 7 different cities the first 18 yrs of his life. His dad suffered from the "grass is always greener" complex. He and his sister both have horrid memories of moving..they can get downright angry about it if they think too much about it. DH and I met in college, married in the college town , and have lived here ever since. DH doesn't even want to THINK about moving ever again.
 

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Oh, man, did I hate being the new kid in school! Sure, I got attention (for a few days, anyway) because I was a curiosity, but everyone already had their own little circle of friends, you know? I was also extremely shy which did not help at all. There were always a few unpleasant kids that attached themselves to the new kid, taking advantage of the fact that the new kid didn't know what they were like, and they'd end up sitting next to me and cheating off of me during tests. The teacher usually had to break up these unhealthy attachments (they could tell I was a good kid and didn't want to see me get in trouble because of the other kid's influence) and steer me toward more appropriate friendships.<br><br>
I wouldn't go through that again for anything! And I wouldn't want to put my own child through it.
 

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jeca~~ My dh was in the service as well. My dd#1 is 7 years old and she has lived in Hawaii ( where she was born) Kansas, Alabama, Indiana and then We have settled here in Arizona. So thats what 5 states. She doesnt have any problems. I think the problems start when they get older and they have to change schools in middle or high school. Our daughter went to two school. One in Indiana where she went to Kindergarten and half of first grade. Then we moved Here to Arizona and she finished first grade here and has started second grade. She likes school much better this year so that helps alot to. You know your kids and You know whats best for them. Some can handle it and some cant i guess. just talk with your kids and explain to them that this is daddys job and that hes lucky cause he will get to see places most kids dont get to see.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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moving this to parenting issues<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie">
 

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i moved alot as a child.. 18 houses by the time i was 15..<br>
my mom just liked to move <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: sometimes it was in the same town.. sometimes other states..<br><br>
I HATED it..<br><br>
at age 10 was asked what i wanted for my birthday.. i said a flashlight because i never knew where to find the bathroom when i woke up at night<br><br>
once my mom decided to move 2 weeks before christmas.. liked this house better & we wrapped the christmas tree in a sheet & moved it<br><br>
at age 15 my mom decided to move once again.. i said nothing when she told me.. i packed & then moving day i told her my stuff was going to my grandmothers house .. the only home i had ever known<br>
so i moved in with my grandmother & lived there a few years untill i moved with DH .. we rented an apartment a year & then we bought our house .. we have been here 5 1/2 years..<br>
I only plan to move one more time in my life. to the house Id like to die in<br><br>
my DH lived the same way.. he didnt move as much as I did.. but still alot & he feels the same way as I do<br><br>
so no I dont think its a laughing matter either .. I think Kids need HOMES.. roots.. & to know where the bathroom is with no lights on<br><br>
I have alot of anger with my mom for making my living enviroment so unstable..
 

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I was an Air Force brat. Many moves, but not as many as you. I only remember hating the last one, when I was 13 yrs old. I dreaded that for a year. I never thought of it as scarring me, certainly not when I was younger. My brother and sister are both younger and also moved a lot (naturally) and I don't think they are scarred.<br><br>
To put things in perspective, though, this was during the Vietnam War. I am sure that having my dad fighting in that War scarred me more than moving around so frequently.<br><br>
I can see how other kids might be affected more than we were, though. It probalby depends a lot on the parents and how they handle the move. And the kids' nature, of course.
 

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My husband lived in 19 different places before finishing highschool... due to his dad's job in the government. I lived in the same place for 32 years. Something sad is that he wasn't able to make good friends, he just has 2 and he met them in College. My best friend knows me for 28 years now. Deffinetly he resents a lot all those changes in his life and he became a loner for a long time, also he had to became aggresive and hard in order to stop other kids teassing him so much. Being a new kid in the school was very hard for him and so many times<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> , now he loves to stay at home <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
As stated before and again. I wasn't laughing as in funny just as in ironic but I see now no one KWIM by that part. I said somethinh like "well my son has lived in 5 states in 6 years, that's crazy" and i let out a laught SWIM.<br><br>
I have lived in coloardo, georgia, arkansas, germany(twice)alabama, wisconsin, kentucky, and a few more.<br>
I've seen castles in germany,legoland in germany, the crystal factory in Czech teh grand canyon, the great lakes, the statue of liberty, and many, many more wonderful things. My son at the tender age of 6 has seen so many, many things. The metropoliten museam of art, the grad canyon, Native american cliff dwellings, the empire state building. I just can't imagine never seeing thsoe things, staying in one boring place for so many years. I spent a week in the 9th grade climbing witch mountain in austria. I think how lame my sister's high school is fo rnot being able to offer thing slike that. Dh has only lived in 2 places his entire life and he's so happy now to see differnt parts of the country and to offer that to his kids. How can you know where you truly want to live if you never lived anywhere?<br><br>
I mean I see that kids need roots, that's true I suppose but I want my babies roots to grow and spread like wild flowers until they find that special spot where the sun shines brightest. I guess I haven't found that spot yet. When I do, I'll plant my roots.
 

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I guess it makes a difference if you're moving around to such fun places. We went from one boring place to another. One miserable little slum apartment to another. One small town to another.
 

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Jeca,<br>
I totally agree with you. Even though I lived in the same place my whole life I had travelled extensively and spent some months living abroad but it was always nice to go back home. But what matters here is that home is not a place, but where your heart is, right? So if you have a beautiful family and work all together to help the transition to be smooth, then I wouldn't worry about any harm to your kids.
 
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