[ruralmisfit]

First, let me introduce myself, as I just registered after weeks of lurking. I'm a 30-something mother with two boys, ages 13 and 6. I recently moved to rural America, where, obviously by my moniker, I don't seem to fit in

We live in a very, very (did I say very?) small town, population, um, little; very conservative, et cetera.

My oldest son has always attended public school because, well, that's what you do before you learn to think for yourself and have opinions: You do what everyone else does and assume it's the right thing. I had my youngest son just as I was coming into my own, figuring out who I was, and beginning to question everything. Since having him, I've embraced less mainstream concepts and had more difficultly embracing "normal" ones.

I never thought that I would entertain the thought of homeschooling/unschooling him (heck, I just learned about unschooling as a concept with a real name within the last year), but have always done what I called "organic learning" with him, even prior to this year when we went to ps kindergarten. If he is into spiders, we learn about spiders; if it's snakes, we learn snakes; space, no problem, we'll learn all about it. He is light years ahead of his classmates in kindergarten, even academically, and much more outspoken and opinionated, which just doesn't seem to be a good fit for regular school.

This year has been such a struggle for us, and I'm finally "this" close to taking him out of public school and giving unschooling a try. Convincing my husband that this is a good idea has been a battle (he thinks I've lost my mind, not only with regard to this but other things -- like growing worms

), but I think he's finally on board as he's seen how not well my son and I are adjusting to school. One minute, though, I'm convinced that we'll be great at it; then fear of failure sets in and I feel like I'll be doing him a huge disservice by throwing caution to the wind and seeing what happens. I guess I'm just looking for some validation that yes, I can do this.

I knew from the very beginning, at registration, that we were a bit different from the other parents and less likely to "follow the rules." At registration, they had all of the kids singing a specific song, but my son didn't want to sing that song; he wanted to learn one we had been working at home. I got the, "Um, Ms. Mother, we have a problem," and I just couldn't figure out what the problem was. I explained to her that he would sing A song, just not THAT song, because he clearly had no interest in doing so.

Then we moved into learning/writing the alphabet. There was one child who just couldn't get the letter C down right, so the entire class had to write row after row after row of Cs every night for homework. Of course, by day three, and having learned to write Cs long before we started school, we were totally over Cs. My son would fight and fight not to do it anymore because he already knew it. The teacher insisted that the class had to stay together, and until this other little boy learned how to do it, we would be doing Cs every night for homework. Whatever! So we did Cs, but we didn't do them on paper. One night I bought window markers and we did tons of Cs on the windows, then we sent in a picture of our work; another day we did Cs with shaving cream on the tub tiles and sent another picture. I mean, we were writing Cs and doing the homework -- just not on paper. As you can imagine, our "creativity" was not well received by the teacher.

We had another incident recently where my son would start off speaking in English and then change over to Spanish in the middle of a sentence at school. I have traveled to Central and Latin America twice in the last year to have medical work done (hey, it's cheaper), so we have been learning Spanish as a family in anticipation of everyone accompanying me on a return trip this summer. To make sure we learn it and learn it correctly, we have "Spanish only" conversations in our house, which is where he got this. The teacher called in a panic because she didn't understand him and insisted that it be explained to him that only English was allowed to be spoken during the school day. Good Lord, someone help us. He's six, it's an innocent thing that we do daily at home, and I don't think it's intentional; it's just something that he's trying to wrap his mind around, and slips will happen. But I certainly will not tell him not to do it, anywhere, because I don't want him to think learning it is somehow a bad thing.

We are approaching the end of kindergarten, and I feel like I have been engaged in a battle all year long -- us vs. them. I have tried to conform -- I promise I have! -- but I just can't make sense of school anymore. Add in that I have an anxiety attack every day when I see my son being marched through the hall to come to the door for pickup, not allowed to speak, hands to himself, head forward -- like he's in the military -- and I'm not sure we can make it through 12 more years of compulsory school.

Wow, my quick little post turned into a book, and I apologize. I just feel like here, people will understand what I'm talking about. I have just finished reading The Teenage Liberation Handbook and every word resonated with me like nothing else has in years, as many of the posts here have. I totally get unschooling and think it's the most awesome thing to happen education-wise in years. Why am I so hesitant to embrace it fully and say goodbye to public school forever? Does everyone feel like this in the beginning? Am we going to be okay if we give it a try? Someone, please, tell me I'm not crazy and that we'll get through this and my son won't suffer for it.

 

[BedHead]

I took my 13 yo dd out of school a year ago to unschool and it if I had it to do over I would do exactly the same thing. It's far easier than I envisioned. Even though people think we're weird

 

[jillc512]

I read somewhere (probably here) that school-at-homers are prone to burn out, while unschoolers are prone to freak out. My kids are only 5 and 3, but I can totally see why this is. I imagine I'll wake up in a cold sweat one night in a few years screaming, "Oh no! The kids don't know anything about ancient egyptian civilization!" (or the lifecycle of a frog, or how to multiply fractions, or whatever).

Lately, I've been concerned that perhaps I am too boring to unschool. But still not concerned enough to think about sending them to school.

I have heard from many veteran homeschoolers (structured hs'ers even) that the elementary years are for teaching reading and math, and anything else is just icing. If you try it for a few years, then decide to put your DS back in school, it's unlikely he'll be "behind" in any permanent, damaging way. (Heck, they may still be waiting for that one kid to get the hang of 'C'.

)

 

[Anglyn]

"We are all going to write C's fourteen million times till billy gets it" seriously? Way to make all the kids hate billy!

Yes, I have seen so many posts on this very board with parents who flip out over, how do I know this is working? And they are always new, all the veternans chime in and all have stories of going through the same thing. Its amazing when you see your child learning though. Just tonight, my five year old asked how to spell her brothers name. I called out the letters and she wrote them, even though I have never once taught her how to write any letter. Shes never been made to copy letters at all. Yet somehow she learned them, becuase she wanted to. So when she asked to learn to read, I put up abc's posters, I bought jump start dvds and we found starfall.com. I put preschool workbooks on the shelf with the coloring books (there if she wants them, not required) and we watch super why on pbs. And of course she knew the ABC song already. So first she drew stuff, then she started drawing letters. Earlier tonight when I was on facebook playing a game called farmtown, she correctly read "Farm Town", dont ask me how, I didnt teach it to her!!

Kids want to learn, they soak it up like sponges (until and unless the desire gets sucked out of them).

You CAN do this, becuase really, all you have to do is let him be him. Just sit back and watch it happen. Plus, you know lots of other countries dont even start kids in school til age 7. Studies prove that if you learn to read at four or seven, theres no diffrenc by age 12 so who cares? You really have nothing to lose by trying, you can always put him back into school later if you want or try a private or charter school or an online school. You can always buy a curriculum and be a school at home type homeschooler. But just give him a year and see what happens.

In fact, this summer, dont try to push any agendas on him, but just watch him, see what he does and what he learns and WRITE IT IN A JOURNAL! Seirously, then in aug look back and read it. Last year when writting our christmas letter, I honestly couldnt think of one interesting thing we had done to write about. Then I went back to our homeschool journal and from that, I had seriously pick and choose cuz I couldnt fit it all in!

Sitting in the waiting room at the doctors office, or in the exam room, kids start reading the charts or looking at models....when my oldest ds broke his arm, my dd learned about bones from the models at the doctors office. Its amazing what they pick up! And who knows your child better than YOU???

Oh, btw, the using shaving cream or doing the letters on the window was brillant! See? You are creative and you will find all sorts of fun stuff to do and learn with your child! I say go for it!

 

[Needle in the Hay]

I would tell yourself and your DH that you're trying it for a year (starting now if you wish, it doesn't sound like your DS would mind coming home now) and the whole family can reassess after a year. Then don't worry too much until that time. After a year of having him at home I guarantee this will all be clearer to you, one way or the other. Based on your post I think you'll really enjoy unschooling and want to stick with it (and see that it's not at all throwing caution to the wind) but telling yourself it's for a year takes off the pressure of saying goodbye to school forever.

Oh and to answer your question I think you will be great at this!

 

[ruralmisfit]

First, thank you ALL so much for your posts and encouragement. I think that's what I needed most....someone to tell me it's going to be okay. I have met with so much resistance -- from husband, family, friends, et cetera -- that I have been playing devil's advocate a little too much and driving myself insane.

I think the "unschoolers freak out" phenomenon is what I'm most afraid of -- OMG, what if he doesn't know "X"? But then I take a step back and think, you know, "I learned X and don't even use it." And then, of course, the dialogue launches into, "We're in a global economy. What if he really DOES need to know "X"? See what I mean? I can have one-sided debates with myself all day long

Anglyn, what you've described is exactly how we've done things for years -- we simply listen to what he's saying, hear what he's interested in, and then offer a multitude of resources for him to delve into. He learned to read not by practicing phonics ad nauseum, but because there was an early reader book on spiders that he wanted to devour. We encouraged him to sound out the words on the page, and, viola, he was reading, and has continued since. We have used Starfall, as well, and he loves it, so we haven't pushed a more formal approach to reading than what we're doing, and it seems to be working fine. Now, he's not reading chapter books at six, but he does make an attempt to read anything and everything -- signs, magazines, comic books, et cetera.

We've approached math and science much the same way. I just joked the other day that my house looks like a science experiment gone mad. We have triops and are learning about the life cycle and exoskeletons; we have a window garden and are measuring the growth; we have crystals growing on the counter with a mud clock living next door; of course, the requisite tarantula for the spider obsession (I so wish he would get over this phase!)....just projects of all types and sorts everywhere.

So on the one hand, we've wholeheartedly, as a family, embraced unschooling (simply by letting him be him) and have practiced it with him for years, and definitely have seen the results -- he can recite facts about spiders and snakes and lizards, oh, my, until the cows come home -- but I think because there's nothing tangible for me to present to my husband, it's made convincing him a bit of a challenge. I think things got a little easier yesterday, though, after I posted.

Apparently, my little guy went to school, was bored out of his mind, and told his teacher, "I think I would rather be unschooled. My mom teaches me more than you do and she's not boring." Gosh, aren't they cute?

The teacher called and spoke to both of us on the phone and suggested that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. She said that because we had been so active in his learning prior to school, and his knowledge base was far beyond that of his peers, that she wasn't sure public school was going to be able to offer him enough stimulation to keep him interested in learning. Now, I don't know if she's just trying to get rid of us after my shenanigans of this year, or if she's sincere, but somehow hearing it from a "professional" made it more of a real option in DH's mind.

Anyway, I could ramble all day, but want to thank you all again for your encouragement. I think we're just going to do it and see what happens. The suggestion of just trying it for a year is exactly what I needed -- "permission" to try, but also the option to admit it isn't working if that's in fact what happens. Like jillc512 said, even if we do go back, maybe they'll still be working on Cs and we won't be behind at all

I needed that laugh -- thank you!!

 

[Anglyn]

Wow, sounds like you are already very actively promoting his learning and seeing the results of that. My other suggestions stands, write down stuff! IT doesnt have to be a write everythign we did down each day thing if you arent into that, it can be just jotting down the really cool stuff, stuff ya'll did togather or things he said/things you just realized he knows. Thats how I started, cuz I woh and felt like I wasnt doing anything with them, so it started by jotting down outings, "went to park"< "zoo", "playdate with x" etc and then I started jotting down little things like "she read an abc book at doctors office" or "asked a million questions about the inner ear while looking at wall chart" to "told me how the gears in the toy at the playground work". Now I try to write little everyday (but oftenforget) stuff like "cat is pregnant, discussed pregnancy and birth" etc cuz as she gets older if I feel the need I can whip out stuff like, "biology:reproduction on this day" and "math on this day" (math, "baked cookies, learned how to measure, talked about fractions") plus fil does stuff like addition and subtraction with real apples (instead of pictures of them in books) just for fun.

They are just having fun, but my record of it translates well into "schoolize" if I need it to (if Im ever having a freak out moment, though those are less and less for me). I also went to worldbook.com and copied the list of what your child should know at the end of each grade and lo and behold my son turned four in jan and is DONE with the prek list (in ps, he woldnt even be started yet) and Ive dont NOTHING really with him as he's still so young, but he learns right alongside dd! DD is done with the k list as well.

I would also reccomend some maybe reading some books about the dangers of early academics. Every study done since the sixties tells us its actually harmful to children to have structured learning pushed so early, yet we keep doing it and making it even earlier.

But I think, if you are truly worried he isnt learning enough, the journal is a great tool for you, just to look back on, you'll be amazed at how much he is doing when you feel like he's doing "nothing".