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I think I have PPD but am not sure...<br>
To make a long story short - I was on bed rest for three months after pre-term labor - I had a difficult birth (natural though - yey!) that did not turn out like I wanted and I can only remember some of the horrid details - I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be a mother and that my dd doesn't love me...I also feel like I just want to toss her out the window some times (I woud never actually DO IT though!!!) I am scared to tell anyone the thoughts I have some times becasue if I have thoughts like that will they take my baby? Does this sound like PPD? I really do love her more than anything!!! Don't get me wrong - I just still feel overwhelmed...I have been hiding these feelings for a while now. WHen she was first born I was kinda suicidal but my Mom and dh told me it was "normal"...I no longer feel that way though so don't worry...Um...is PPD compounded by stress becasue I am trying to do waaaaaaaaay too much in my life and think that might be part of it...THanks Mamas...and I am so ashamed that I am posting this...Help is welcome...WHere do I go from here?
 

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Dear Lady Bug Child...<br><br>
I think it's very possible this is PPD. It sounds exactly like it to me. No, they won't take your baby away. But I think you should get some help. What I did was tell my midwife how I felt. She got me an (emergency) appointment with a psychiatrist at the hospital the Birth Center was affiliated with. You can get such a referral from your dr or midwife. What will happen is, you'll have a therapy session and you'll probably get a prescription for medication or another referral to a talk therapist. I kept going to the same therapist at the hospital for about 4 months. I was on Zoloft for 8 months to help me fix the PPD. Zoloft does not affect breastmilk. I think 5htp (otc) is okay for nursing too.<br><br>
Please get help. You can fix this. It's not normal to feel suicidal. And even the sanest most healthy stable people can develop PPD. My midwife said "it's the biggest hormone shift (pregnancy and birth) in your LIFE. Bigger than all the years of puberty combined." And yes, stress is NOT going to make it easier. I think I read that untreated, PPD can take sometimes 3-4 years to go away. Why not treat it and get rid of it in a matter of months?<br><br>
I felt better after 10 days of Zoloft.<br><br>
Good luck.<br><br>
Ps Read Marrit Ingman's memoir on PPD "Inconsoble: How I threw out my mental health with the diapers." It's awesome. Witty and so true. Xo
 

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I have never met a momma who thought she had PPD who didn't. Usually I am trying to convince them to consider the possibility. The depression seduces you into believing that you are a terrible momma. This is such a treatable illness but while you are suffering, you are missing such a beautiful time with your baby. The stress that PPD puts on everyone around you is horrible. Please go ask for help. Right now. Pick up the phone and call who ever you see for postpartum care... call any doctor and tell them that you talked to a therapist (ok- only on line but tell them whatever) and that she thinks you need to be seen for PPD as soon as possible. Today. Every day you wait is a day you could be feeling better, I promise.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MsMoMpls</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This is such a treatable illness but while you are suffering, you are missing such a beautiful time with your baby. The stress that PPD puts on everyone around you is horrible.</div>
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Um, you're a therapist and you're telling her this? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
In my humble, not a therapist opinion, the last thing a hurting mama needs to hear is how her illness is damaging her family. Maybe that motivates some people to get help but I think it's just as likely to send someone over the edge. Once a nurse told me that my depression was hurting my baby, that my baby didnt trust me. I wanted to die. When you've got PPD you feel like the worlds worst mother, like you should just drop your baby off at an orphanage because s/he'd be better off without you. You don't need ppl fueling this fire.<br><br>
Please, OP, don't worry about how much you're hurting others by being depressed. You'll get better and it's not your fault. You're not a bad wife/mother/friend for having PPD.
 

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The title of your thread just about broke my heart.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I think I had PPD after the birth of my dd. I finally asked for help from a terrible family practice doc. It was very hard to ask for help. She told me she could offer me antidepressants but only if I weaned my dd. I have since learned that you CAN be on helpful medication and nurse.<br><br>
It sounds like Boston had some good advice.<br><br>
Try to take good care of yourself!<br>
Tracy
 

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Boston- I am so sorry if you felt my answer was insensitive... it is always hard to know how people are motivated. I felt I was responding to the Op's original concerns about her baby and her family, certainly trying very hard not to make her feel guilty or increase her stress.
 

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Ladybug,<br>
I had postpartum PSYCHOSIS! I went to the ER because I though I was dying and the state even committed me to a mental hospital for a 3 day evaluation! They DID NOT ever talk about taking my baby away, just babysat while i was away by dh and mom. Please don't feel ashamed!!We know you don't really want to hurt the baby and you love the baby!!! I felt petified to even hold my baby and I was also so afraid he was dying too. This is not YOU this is your HORMONES messing with your mind and it can all be fixed!!!! I am totally better now and I was LOW.<br><br>
Feeling suicidal maybe normal but it is not HEALTHY!!! I hope you get/got help......Trust your insticts so you can feel like yourself again!!Please feel free to PM me anytime....<br>
Love and prayers, Jennifer <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">
 
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