With my next son...

904 Views 6 Replies 6 Participants Last post by Justice2, Oct 16, 2003

Justice2

Discussion Starter · Oct 15, 2003

Hi everyone. My name is Laura. I have an 8 month old son who is circ'd. This is due to my ignorance. Dh and I really didn't discuss it because we had never heard of anyone NOT circ'ing. Well, thanks to this wonderful place I have done more research on a number of things..vax's and eating and cleaning and Circ'ing. Well, I can honestly say that it has changed my life. I can remember the horror of the first week of my son's life and as I sit here I am in tears over what I have done to my baby and would not blame him for any resentment that he feels for me later in life for having him butchered. Dh and I are planning another baby, very soon. I have dh on board for breastfeeding and non vaxing, but it has not been as easy with the issue of circ'ing. He still wants his son's circ'd. I already know that I will not let this happen to any more of my children, but how can I get dh to agree? He isn't really a reader, but he is a decent listener. Where can I get stats? I honestly think that with him it's a "he needs to look like daddy" issue. If I can provide him with figures and load him with information (he didn't like seeing his newborn son is that much pain either, so that is a start) maybe I can convince him that my decision is the way to go. Any help will be great. Thanks all (and please don't flame too bad for my son who is circ'd, trust me, I am flaming myself enough every diaper change).

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MelissaEvans

· #2 · Oct 16, 2003

I'm sorry to hear that the doctors and nurses didn't give you the information they should have for you to make an informed decision. =( I'm sure that if you tell your DS1 that you're sorry and you regret it and you still love him that he will forgive you. There are parents who do that to their son *knowingly.*

I know the "look like me" thing seems to be big for daddies. Can you probe him some? Ask him how important it was for him as the son to look like his father. I'd be willing to guess it didn't really affect his life at all. Maybe he can see that it's not for the son's benefit at all. It's touchy if your DH is circ'd because allowing his son to be intact is admitting that he's missing something and that's a really hard thing to do. Perhaps logic may work. Ask him if his son's nose is different if he'd take the baby to a plastic surgeon to make the baby look like him. And humor's great too. Tell him that you'll be sure to keep everyone's pants on for family photos so no one needs to know. Here's some links from circomstitions that might help.
http://www.circumstitions.com/Father.html
http://www.circumstitions.com/Images/looklike.gif
http://www.circumstitions.com/Fox.html

Good luck. I'm sure he'll come around. He sounds like a loving father and his heart will win (perhaps with some help from you =) .

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Sarah

· #3 · Oct 16, 2003

Here is a link he can listen to, I think that after hearing the interview he will want to either read the book, or make the effort to find out some more info... this may be something he is willing to look into, just not with you watching over his shoulder. If you give him the space to do the research, he might do it on his own, don't expect him to do it while you stand by watching him go through all the gory nitty gritty.
Author interviewed:
http://discover.npr.org/features/fea...l?wfId=1118558

This is another link to an audio file. Neither of these links is "preachey" they both just talk abut some of the issues that should not be ignored.
Call in radio show:
http://www.kuow.org/full_program_sto...ge_Action=Find('ID','4540')&

there are also tapes and videos available, you might be able to get them through the interlibrary loan system, or maybe it is something you would consider purchasing.

This website has some videos for sale- look at the top of the page:
http://www.noharmm.org/home.htm

And this is an audio tape:
http://www.circumcision.org/bts.htm

Note- I do not know what's in the videos or tapes- I have never seen them myself.

Best wishes to you and our family!

Love Sarah

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Sustainer

· #4 · Oct 16, 2003

http://www.mothering.com/10-0-0/html...cision85.shtml

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html

Consider buying the book What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Circumcision

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Xenogenesis

· #5 · Oct 16, 2003

Dear Laura,

First Off, <Hugs> to you.

There are others here who have circumcised and are now seeking information.

This board is for sharing ideas, thoughts, and personal experiences.

"I did then what I knew how to do. When you know better, you do better."

~ Maya Angelou.

Try paraphrasing :

"Did you know that . . . "

"I Just Read That . . . "

Leave printed articles on the kitchen counter, on the coffee table, the nightstand, in the bathroom . . . etc. . . .

Your dh is now presented with the knowledge that a part of his most private, sensitive area has been cut away without his consent. Be gentle with him.

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Ilaria

· #6 · Oct 16, 2003

Quote:

"he needs to look like daddy" issue

Does your dh have tiny, hairless genitals?
If not, your baby will not look like him either way!

Those are all wonderful links...good luck to you!

I had to convince dh too, but it was easier than I thought.

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Justice2

Discussion Starter · #7 · Oct 16, 2003

I tried telling him that Medicaid won't even pay for it anymore because it's a completely cosmetic procedure and his response was "Well, then we will pay for it." I have an uncirc'd friend that I found out about this week. I have thought about having him talk to him, he has agreed, and maybe that would help in my 'convincing'.

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