[candiland]

Aaargh. A preggo friend of mine, Sami, (alright, she's friends with one of my friends; we're still kind of acquaintances at this point) came to our playgroup today. My friend Sue was hosting playgroup this week, and she invited this woman Jill over because she has a 2 year old child.

My friend Sami was talking about how she's now in her 7th. month and is really struggling, because she really, really wants a homebirth but, because she's 40, everyone's trying to scare her out of it. She's torn between a CPM, CNM in a birth center, and a hospital medwife.

This woman Jill starts going on a tangent about how "I don't mean to scare you, and of course I'm biased because I've been a L&D nurse for ten years, but I really, really recommend that you birth in the hospital. The things I see that go wrong every day in our unit would just make your skin crawl..." and starts going on and on about how many women or their babies would have, without a doubt, died if they were at home, how her son would have died if he would have been homebirthed, and on and on and on!

I mean, good god, do I, as a homebirth advocate, go up to all the women I know planning to birth in a hospital and tell them all of the horror stories about hospital births I've seen and heard? Of course not! I was so totally disgusted, I jumped in with all the facts and research and flat out told her that it was the hospital that caused most of the complications in the first place. She kept saying, "I've been working there for over ten years, and I've got to disagree..."

Finally I went outside with the kids - calmly and respectfully - and I sat outside for A HALF HOUR listening to this woman going on and on and on about how great hospital births are, how dangerous and irresponsible homebirths are... and on and on and on! I was literally gritting my teeth the entire time.

All the research in the world does not matter to these people! It is so incredibly disturbing to me that a woman would do this to another woman - a PREGNANT one, at that! So now Sami's so unnerved she's leaning toward the hospital again. I just had to rant at a place that I knew would understand. It was just unbelievable.

:

 

[bloodrayne]

OH sheesh! It reminds me of the person who was telling my mom we ought to get our son's tongue cauterized (or whatever they call it) because he is tongue-tied. She was telling my mom so dramatically how many problems it causes.

Well LOOK at her background - she is a SPEECH THERAPIST. So yeah, she's going to APPROACH it from her standpoint, which is that of the problems it causes. She wouldn't SEE kids who are tongue-tied and don't have speech problems. Get what I'm saying? Personally I wouldn't listen to people who have a background in those kinds of things where they only see or see a lot of the BAD associated with something.

Please, PLEASE talk to your friend. She obviously wants it, so try to reassure her! Someone has to start undoing the damage these kinds of people do.

edited: I don't blame you for just leaving the room. That kind of stuff gets me totally hot under the collar too!!!!

 

[tinyshoes]

I would talk to Sami--you two can probably bond discussing what a boorish woman this Jill charachter was being.

It's nonsense like Jill that are a big part of why I wanted to birth at home--the most sacred special day of my life is not going to be spent w/ some L&D nurse irritated during her shift, just waiting for hell to break loose in my birth canal.

 

[Quirky]

If you think it's appropriate, send Sami a copy of Henci Goer's The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth - a full third of it is references to medical journals, and it really lays out how unsafe and unsupported all the standard practices in hospitals are!

I think you did great by not blowing a gasket. Maybe you could invite Sami to come here and read birth stories, too.

 

[MistyD]

"the most sacred special day of my life is not going to be spent w/ some L&D nurse irritated during her shift, just waiting for hell to break loose in my birth canal."

OMG, tinyshoes, I LOVE that! Seriously, that line needs to be on a t-shirt!

To the OP, I'm sorry, that sounds so frustrating! Good for you for speaking up though.

 

[tinyshoes]

thanx, Misty! that was pretty comical!

 

[mama2annabelle]

Just to show how skewed the POV of a L&D nurse can be: DH has an acquaintance who is pregnant and who is also a L&D nurse. When I got pregnant last month (although not anymore-m/c), DH was so excited and telling the woman of our planning a homebirth. He said the woman was HORRIFIED and started telling him all the things that can go wrong etc, etc. Then she told him that she is having an ELECTIVE c-section because it is so much "safer and easier than a vaginal delivery"

I was dumbfounded when he told me. It is so very sad that someone who works with childbirth every day can be so uneducated about it.

OTOH, my MIL was a L&D nurse for 15 years and was my strongest supporter (besides DH) for having a natural childbirth with DD (she says she has seen too many things go wrong with epidurals), and is very supportive of our planning a homebirth for the next one.

 

[crazy_eights]

Just an L&D nurse checking in to say if you want *me* to talk to Sami I'll give her the big

on the homebirth!!!!

 

[hbiffme]

Well the simple fact is this...That woman should not be telling horror stories about either side. However, she did make one very important point. The older you get the higher the risks are for giving birth...( anyone who wants to argue with that, well obviously just likes to argue) She should be educated about all options for her. The pros and cons to a hospital birth and likewise for a homebirth. I have heard good experiences about homebirthing and I have gone through a wonderful experience in a hospital setting. Instead of getting so steamed about it, help your friend by giving her some books or getting her some info on all of her options. Just because she does not make the choice that you would does not make it the wrong choice.

 

[pamamidwife]

Quote:

Originally posted by hbiffme The older you get the higher the risks are for giving birth...( anyone who wants to argue with that, well obviously just likes to argue)

Wow, so eloquently put.

I'm wondering if this is a real troll or just some irate MDC member that is up to stir some stuff around here...

This is the *homebirth* forum. Please back away from the keyboard if you're all about slamming your opinions (and that's what they are, not fact or evidence) around.

Only two posts, you registered today and this is what you've posted on?

Troll? Hmmm.. can't say, but either way, I refuse to bite this bait!

(oh, wait, did I already? Well, I guess I won't again!)

 

[tinyshoes]

c'mon, pamamidwife...I felt a little nostalgic, re-viewing a thread that I thought was pretty much over and done with way back in September 2003. :LOL

 

[MommyT]

We're planning a home birth and I find the best thing to do with people who don't know the real facts about homebirth and midwifery is to explain to them the difference between OB care and midwife care. It's a totally different approach to birth that most people don't understand.

I'd definately share with Sami how wonderful midwives and birthing at home are and how safe it really is. It's funny how all those things happen in a hospital, yet the whole story isn't really told as to how many interventions took place before the OB had to 'save' the baby and mom.