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We expect (and have expected for over a year) our six yr old to bring dishes after meals, wipe the table and sweep up after most meals. My DH and I are trying to decide how to approach this....we want her to do the job w/o fuss each time and preferably w/o reminding.<br><br>
DH wants to do a sticker chart type thing....stickers for doing these chores and a small amt. of homework ( 5-10 min/day--she is a HS'er).<br><br>
I am okay w/that, but am concerned about the whole idea of reward/punishment. I am thinking something along the lines of more "older" identity, one that includes older priviledges AND responsibilities. (looking for suggestions for "older" priviledges as well....)<br><br>
I am tired of the struggle re: this stuff. (FWIW, often she does the job well and easily--ie it is w/in her range of ability....but there are still times it IS a struggle)<br>
I'm thinking of something as unemotional as a scheduling type approach--"this is what we do now"--we eat, you clean up, I do dishes while you do your HW.<br><br>
SHe is an oldest and is very precocious and I guess I am really looking for a way to reframe this for her and me! My dh sees the reward thing as analogous to his wages....he works, he gets money, KWIM? He sees it as reflective of real life.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> any ideas that have worked well for you? THanks mamas!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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We don't use rewards and my kids do tons of stuff to help out. For me it helps to think of it as building habits rather than doing chores. I work on only one new habit per month (some months repeating old ones they don't have down!). I have a very calm "this is what we do now" approach. Most of the time we are working on things together, so we talk and joke around while we work. Have you ever read the Continuum Concept? It really changed the way I saw work and kids.
 

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We occaisionally use charts for our 8 year old...we all lose interest in it quickly, but sometimes it is the jump start he needs. I prefer the "this is what we do now" approach, as I don't like extrinsic rewards either, however, my very extroverted son sometimes needs that exogenous motivation. I even had to "give him grades" for a few weeks in school...but that ended the battles and we are back to just unschooling fun. (with a schedule, because we get up, eat breakfast and "do school")....
 
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