[proudmamanow]

Mods: I am posting this in Working mamas b/c for me this is a distinct WOHM issue; I have a lot of concerns about nightweaning that I wouldn't have if I SAH. Thanks!

So, dd is 2 years and 2 months old. She has been a nighttime nurser and co-sleeper for the same amount of time J. Lately she has been showing lots of signs of independence and wanting to be a big kid. She is wearing panties outside of naps and nighttime and peeing in the potty. She has also declared she wants to move into her big kid bed (the twin which is pushed up to our Queen); up until now she had been in the Queen with me and dw slept in the twin. We tried her there last night and it was a disaster for me. She loved it (esp. the Pooh bear stickers that adorn it) but every time she tried to find me she woke up and got upset and I had to wake up fully and scoop her back into our bed where I spent most of the night squished between her & dw and not sleeping. At this point we are thinking we will move her back in with me at night, so I can sleep!

But I'm also thinking, what if it's time to night-wean? This seems like a golden opportunity. And lately I have been thinking it might not be such a bad thing, especially since I may need to travel as part of my job…But as a WOHM, I also value our nighttime together, and I worry about losing my supply and about her weaning all together if I stop nursing at night-I'm hoping to CLW. I don't know what to do…if we were to nightwean we'd wait until my holidays in August, so that would be the earliest possible time.

Any advice or btdt much appreciated!

 

[woobysma]

I would give it a few nights before I jumped to either night-weaning or moving back to the old sleeping arrangements.

Ds is 2.5 and doesn't co-sleep anymore, but has no problem coming into my room, climbing into bed and falling right back asleep (and I'm sure could latch on just fine if he were still nursing) all without waking me up or making a sound.

He's like a tiny ninja ......

It sounds like your dd is ready for the move to her own "big girl bed", but will probably need a few night to adjust. If after a week she still wakes you up, I'd go back to the old sleeping spots, rather than nightweaning.
I've never really understood nightweaning, personally. Nightnursing was so important for me and DS because I was gone for such a chunk of time during the day. If I wanted to CLW, I wouldn't nightwean - but that's just me. I've heard other people have done it w/o any negative effects.

 

[Caryliz]

BTDT!

We haven't moved DS into a "big boy" bed, he still sleeps with me and DH in a regular old double, but we did successfully nightwean a few months ago. I also WOH FT, something like 50 - 60 hours a week, plus frequent overnight business travel -- AND we are a CLW family. It CAN work!!!

DS still gets extended nursing sessions (30 - 40 mins) at bedtime and then again before we get out of bed. I also nurse when I get home from work, and then much more frequently on the weekends. At this point I no longer pump when I travel, but I do express every day while I'm away, usually standing in a warm shower. (I've never been away more than 3 days, though.) As far as I can tell, my supply is just fine!

All this said, don't nightwean because you think you have to. I didn't plan on it, but as he approached his second birthday, DS suddenly became voracious at night and I was getting *no* sleep.

I was not just a walking zombie, I was starting to drop the ball at work (I am a project manager at a large consulting firm as well as the primary breadwinner in our family, so this situation was most definitely *not* ok), I was crabby all the time, I felt like hell, physically, and (this is the worst part) I was starting to resent DS. Clearly, something had to give -- and after I successfully nightweaned, things got MUCH better. Still, I don't think I could have nightweaned AND transitioned DS out of our bed and still felt as attached to him as I do, despite working so many hours outside the home, KWIM? Mommies need those nighttime snuggles, too!

to you Jesse! You'll sort it out...

 

[huggingmama]

So Cary, how did you go about nightweaning? I'm in a somewhat similar situation as the OP. DH, DS, and I all same room and we start out DS in a toddler bed in one corner of the room (which he loves!). Then he comes to me in the bed in the middle of the night to nurse (at which point DH moves to another mattress on the floor, or the floor itself, which he swears he likes). Should I just continue with this musical-bed pattern until the first stretches of sleep get longer and longer? Or did you do something more proactive? I know DS will wail like crazy if we try to nightwean, and we just moved to an apt. where the downstairs neighbors are not appreciative of toddler noises.

 

[Caryliz]

No, I took a more proactive approach because I was losing it - but NOT because I looked at the calendar and said, "Ok, time to nightwean!" So, I think it depends on how you feel. Is it really killing you to do the musical bed thing? Is it the moving around in the middle of the night, the guilt over DH having to move, or the loss of sleep that makes you feel like you should change your routine? (Cuz bear in mind, DS might *still* climb into your bed halfway through the night just to be with you, even if he doesn't BF!

)

I wish I could say that I went into it with a plan, but I didn't. Instead, one night when I was so exhausted I could hardly move and DS woke up for the umpteenth time to nurse, I blurted out: "The breasts are sleeping. Come have a snuggle with mommy instead." This was met with some wailing and thrashing around, but I stayed firm, using a gentle voice, and kept stroking his back and murmuring to him, and he settled inside of 5 minutes, snuggled up against me with my arm around him. Luckily, DH was supportive (AND the downstairs neighbors have a small child of their own), because this scenario was repeated 3 - 4 times that night and the night thereafter. I really thought my heart was going to break, listening to his wailing ("Mama! Mama! My Mama! Nurt! Please! Please nurt! Mama!"), but I stuck with it , holding him close and murmuring to him, sometimes singing our good night songs, and four nights later he started sleeping through the night.

Other tips that helped:

1. The first morning, while we lay in bed nursing, I explained to him that the breasts need to sleep at night, so while we could have unlimited snuggles in the dark, once we go to sleep, there's no more milk until morning. Repeated this message often, and occasionally he would bring it up during the day as he nursed.

2. We started reading books before bedtime that focused on going to sleep, and we talked about how, now that he's a big boy, the breasts get tired. The breasts have to lay down and sleep, too. We also talked about unsettling dreams, and things that wake you up at night, and about being scared sometimes, and how a really good snuggle is just as good as nursing at those times.

3. I started placing a sippy cup of water next to the bed and told him if he was thirsty in the night he should just ask for water. Occasionally he does this -- and then promptly rolls over and goes back to sleep after he has a drink. The great advantage to this arrangement is that whoever is sleeping next to the sippy cup can get it -- me, DH, even DS -- so I'm not necessarily the one waking up.

4. I started sleeping in a nightgown where the breasts were less accessible, so he couldn't just grab my nipples in the night and latch on without my participation.

5. I trained myself to wake up and put my arms around him the second he started stirring, so he didn't have a chance to get worked up about wanting to nurse.

6. He is a VORACIOUS eater during the day, and nurses plenty before bedtime, but I still wanted to make sure he wasn't waking up in the night out of hunger, so I started offering a snack just before bedtime. (Usually a piece of fruit, something I know he likes.) Sometimes he goes for it, sometimes not, but at least I know he's not going hungry.

HTH! Everyone's journey is different, so don't feel like you have to be on a schedule with this. Just go with what feels right to you.

 

[proudmamanow]

thanks for all the thoughtful input and sharing of experiences.
woobysma--I love the nighttime ninja, too funny!
Caryliz that's a great nightweaning story, very caring & appropriate. I would anticipate that kind of scenario for us if we get there. Dd has a vivid imagination and has an active & imaginative relationship with the breasts- she already asks if they eat & go potty, so it wouldn't be a stretch for her to think they were sleeping!
huggingmama-it sounds like a similar scenario. I'll be interested to see what you end up doing.

So how did last night go? Dd started in her big kid bed where she nursed to sleep quickly & easily at 8:30. When she first woke up around 11:30, I moved her into bed with me and moved dw's pillows back over to the big kid bed. She then nursed (3-4 times at least) and snuggled with me until about 5:30 when she woke up enough to realize she wasn't in the big kid bed and started yelling and shoving dw (poor dw!). We both talked her down, explaining that if she wanted milk she had to sleep with me, and she went back to sleep until 7:30 a.m. with me.

Hmmm....still not sure what to do! But heading for a holiday weekend here (3 days off this weekend) so maybe I could push the nightweaning a bit harder. She really wants to sleep in the big kid bed...

 

[jessitron]

It does sound like a good opportunity for nightweaning.

Supply issues - really, does it matter? She is not nursing for major nourishment at this point.
Will it cause her to wean? probably not. If it does, it's because she was wants to.

We nightweaned several months ago after I got pregnant and needed more sleep. It was fairly peaceful. The book "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" had some useful suggestions. Biggies were: we started with "you have to go to sleep before you can nurse again" and proceeded to "you can nurse when the sun comes up." We talked to her about it during the day beforehand.

We keep a cereal bar (lara bars) and a water bottle at the top of the bed, and I always offer her food and drink when she asks to nurse in the night. Food for hunger, drink for thirst, and snuggle (or play with my hair) for comfort. This meets her needs.