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I WOH 2-3 days a week usually just half days but need to do work in the afternoons evenings once I return home and finish nursing. I am having difficulties finding a healthful balance with baby time, husband time, personal time, and work. My husband has been the primary care giver up til before the holidays and now we are splitting it more evenly. He's at an interview as I type for a part time teaching position to work afternoons. I want to be supportive but I wonder how I will manage when I am already feeling so stressed out!! I do NOT want to put our DS into daycare and we cannot afford to not have me working due to finances and the need for good health insurance.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> How are you doing it?
 

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Well it sucks basically. I have to leave the house at 8am and get back at 6pm. My son is usually asleep when I leave and goes down for the night around 9-11pm. From 6pm-9pm I have to cook and eat, wash my pump parts and bottles, and play with DS if he isn’t too cranky. I don’t really get any fun time with him during the week. My DH does bring DS to me at work during lunch breaks so I can nurse him so that is a great break in the day. I co sleep to help me reconnect with DS after working all day.<br><br>
DH and I just hang out when we get a chance. We don’t have a date night or anything like that. More like watch a movie on the weekends once DS is down for the night.<br><br>
Sorry to be a downer but I miss my son and would give anything to be able to stay home with him. Since DH is in school right now, staying home is not an option for me.
 

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Sending you lots of love and support... this is very hard isn't it?<br><br>
I just started back to working part time and I must say at this moment my life has never felt so completely FULL! I have difficult times every week now, where I feel overwelmed and stressed.<br><br>
I cope because I let others help me whenever possible (hard on my ego), and I keep trying to just cultivate self love and compassion. And Yoga! My yoga, dance, taiji, and meditation practice are what keep me thriving and not just getting by. It takes skill with time management for me to make this sacred time for myself happen, but it is worth it. It makes all the difference!<br><br>
Big Love Mamas!
 

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Hey ladies, we have a whole forum for supporting working and student mamas. I'm going to send you over there. You can edit the title if you want to make it clear that this is for working mamas of babes. Best of luck!
 

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I'll join on the "it just sucks" band wagon. I teach and am out the door around 7:15 and don't get home until 4:00. My dh is a student and we HAVE to get him through the rest of school so I have to be the income and health insurance right now. I keep going by reminding myself that it has to happen, and to cherish every moment that I see my son.
 

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Sucks here too. We leave at 7:20 in the morning and get home around 6. My dh's running his own business and until that picks up more, I have to work. But I do try to make the best of it. This is something I have to do right now so I try not to waste too much energy hating that fact and spend it on time with kids or figuring out how to do what I need to do done as fast as possible.
 

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I agree that it's hard, but dh is awesome and ds loves his daddy time, and we have ds in a great daycare that he clearly enjoys being at.<br><br>
Right now I am finishing a PhD program AND going through a teacher cert program (if I took ONE more class and did a couple of fancy dance moves with the university I would also be getting a Master's in teaching, so it's pretty involved) so I am busy, to say the least. I'm not seeing ds as much as I would like.<br><br>
What I do is work at work (and do a tiny bit of MDC surfing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) and play at home. I don't even TRY to work at home, and that helps ME.<br><br>
What helps me is being really organized, and realizing that ds is with people who care for him all day. His love for me is not diminished by that, and honestly, I can get a tad testy with him when we are together for long uninterrupted stretches <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> so me WOH is actually a GOOD thing for our relationship.<br><br>
Also, it gets easier as they get older. It's hard to leave a babe. (ds is almost 3, and even though in the grand scheme it's not a huge age difference, I remember hating to leave him when he was as little as your babe, OP)
 

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Oh I am so totally on the it sucks bandwagon. I am so frazzled I don't think about it because I am afraid I am going to break down.<br>
I teach also and I got bumped to a new building and a new subject and it's just a massive amount of work. To add to that it's high school, so I am out the door with dd (8 months old) by 6am. So I feel like a 4th grader because I am in bed by 9 or so. No time at all with dh, on the weekends I just fall asleep when we attempt to have alone time. we never do it any more, we joke that we will have to find a way to do it when we sleep becuase sleep is simply more valuable.<br>
so after work, I am running to pick up dd#2 the baby, then drive 35 minutes to pick up dd#1. dd #1 is a competitive gymnast (rethinking this one, but she was long before dd #2 came along and she's good at it and she loves it), so we have practices and meets and meetings and all kinds of b.s.<br>
I feel like I am working, running from the time the alarm goes off at 5 am until I pass out around 9. I feel like I have not a minute of time for myself. I am trying to just remember that it will pass and one day all three of them will be gone and I won't know what do with myself so I try to convice myself that I should enjoy this time. it helps.<br>
phone calls don't get returned, i barely talk to my sister anymore. boooo hoooo<br>
And I am still EBF dd#2, my supply has gone down in the last couple days and I don't know why.<br>
whew! I needed to get that out. I took my pregnancy countdown clock and set it for the end of the school year.<br>
When I nurse I just think about being able to be home with the kids all summer.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><br>
we'll make it.
 

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I am actually doing much better now. I went through a couple of months of feeling like I absolutely couldn't do it for one more day, but I decided to focus all that negative energy on making mornings a positive time in our house. It has worked wonders! Instead of moaning and groaning and complaining and fussing at each other, we turn on music and dance around the house while getting ready. I get up early enough now to have time for us all to sit down at the table and eat breakfast together, and I can tell this makes a huge difference in how the kids' day starts out.<br><br>
As for the house, I hired two housekeepers who come every other week and do everything, so I don't worry about that anymore. If we have clean clothes and clean dishes, we're good to go. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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how much is the housekeeper running you?<br>
I have mentioned this to my husband and he is really against it. But I think it would really free up our weekend time to be together. Not that we wouldn't clean any more but just the stuff like the floors and the bathrooms.<br>
That is a good idea.<br>
I think my attitude is bringing me down, it's hard not to focus on it.<br>
But I do feel better since I posted that this morning.
 

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Our housekeepers (two sister-in-laws) charge $60 each time, so it comes to $120/month. It is *so* worth it. My husband thinks so, too.
 

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It's extremely hard and it's just me and DH. Zero family support. I WOH 50+ hours per week. DH is a WAHD to DS and has been since birth.<br><br>
DH has a home office. He works and takes care of DS every day until I get home. I walk in the door about 6:30pm and then I take over.<br><br>
DS has never been to daycare so he's either with me and DH. He is BONDED with DH and where DH goes, DS goes and I love that. DH will tell anyone who listens that he is DS's "other Mama".<br><br>
But although we've been great "Parents" we could use some work as "Husband and Wife" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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It is tough. Right now I am working because I have to. My DH is in school and can only work part time. Even when he works full time I will probably still need to work in order to maintain our benefits.<br><br>
That being said it is hard to be away from children. There are definitely moments that will be missed. However, I am hoping the love and care I give to my son when I am around him will be a stronger remind of how much we love and care for him.<br><br>
Practically I think the best thing to do is have a written schedule and stick to it as closely as you can. Make sure to put in time for you and your children to just be together. Lots of <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you mama!
 

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Having the kids in daycare really works for us. DH and I both work the same schedule (7:30-3:00) and so we have plenty of time together in the evening and on weekends. I know "daycare" is such a scary word, but if you find the right one, it's wonderful. The kids are happy, and I'm happy while I'm at my job (which I love) knowing that they're fine.
 

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I'm feeling pretty stressed because up until this past October, I had worked evenings and so I wasn't home when DH got there. My sister (our nanny) was the one who straightened up the house, made dinner, and dealt with DH's negativity when he got home. She picked up a lot of slack for me!<br><br>
I moved to night shift in October and DS went into day care, and for the most part it's fine, but now I have no help with the housework and I'm really trying to keep things positive at home, especially when DH is there because we all spend so little time together I want the time we do spend to be happy. But I am not happy trying to make everyone else happy! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
I just don't know what to do. If I let the housework go, DH will be angry. Not every day, but if it builds up enough he will get mad. But if I spend a large part of the evening cooking and cleaning, DS gets the short end of the stick. While I would love to have DS help me, I tend to get a little frazzled when I am doing housework and I snap <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> so I really try to just get things done rather than having DS help.<br><br>
It's a no win situation.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>newmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10292408"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But although we've been great "Parents" we could use some work as "Husband and Wife" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
I work from home, and am grateful to be able to do so. I have to say I do love my job and my clients, and am one of those moms who really needs to work for reasons other than purely financial ones. That said, if money were not so much an issue, it would be nice not to have to work so much. I do have a nanny two days a week, but usually end up not getting everything done then that I need to accomplish to earn what we need me to earn, so I work most evenings and some weekends too.<br><br>
Dh is working full time and also going to school, which means his evenings are taken up with school work, which he does while I work. We split child care when he is home so we can both get our work done. Of course, this means we rarely have time for each other, and when we do, we are just as likely to be sleeping.<br><br>
It is a madhouse right now, but I keep reminding myself that it will get better and it will get easier. Having the nanny helps. Having housekeepers twice a month helps SO much. Making sure I have SOME time to myself every day - if only a few minutes to read or chat with a friend - helps. Doing fun stuff with the kids to reconnect helps. Making popcorn and watching a video with dh while the laundry or work sits and waits for a few hours helps. And I prioritize to the nth degree. I take help where I can get it and don't worry quite so much about things getting done just so or right on time. I just try to get a little done every day, and in the end it all gets caught up sooner or later.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lisac77</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10296587"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm feeling pretty stressed because up until this past October, I had worked evenings and so I wasn't home when DH got there. My sister (our nanny) was the one who straightened up the house, made dinner, and dealt with DH's negativity when he got home. She picked up a lot of slack for me!<br><br>
I moved to night shift in October and DS went into day care, and for the most part it's fine, but now I have no help with the housework and I'm really trying to keep things positive at home, especially when DH is there because we all spend so little time together I want the time we do spend to be happy. But I am not happy trying to make everyone else happy! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
I just don't know what to do. If I let the housework go, DH will be angry. Not every day, but if it builds up enough he will get mad. But if I spend a large part of the evening cooking and cleaning, DS gets the short end of the stick. While I would love to have DS help me, I tend to get a little frazzled when I am doing housework and I snap <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> so I really try to just get things done rather than having DS help.<br><br>
It's a no win situation.</div>
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Is there any way you could afford to hire someone to help, even a little? And could you give dh specific tasks that would help you?<br><br>
Also, and you have probably already thought of this, but I try to make dinner every other night - and make enough that we have leftovers that I can freeze then pull out later. So some nights dinner takes only a few minutes. It is usually not a big deal time wise to double a recipe, imo.<br><br>
((Hugs)) Good luck. I hope it gets better for you!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>newmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10292408"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
But although we've been great "Parents" we could use some work as "Husband and Wife" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"></div>
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I hear that!<br><br>
And it's hard for both of us for different reasons. We have different sex drives, so what feels adequate for me is inadequate for dh. When I make an effort to up the frequency, not only is it NOT noticed, I still get to hear little quips about how we never DTD. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> So then I think I would rather sleep! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I don't really know what I want. Right now I am f/t WOH and DD is in a day home. I chose to work f/t so we could save for a down payment on a house before the owners sell the condo we're subletting and also so I could re-qualify for EI after baby #2 (we are TTC.) DH also works f/t and he's in the military reserves and has been away on a course most weekends since I went back to work 3 months ago.<br><br>
I'm not doing a great job of getting the chores done but when DH pitches in and does the dishes a couple times a week our house is civilized. DH has had trouble focusing on our marriage even when he is around but I pretty much read him the riot act a couple weeks ago and I feel like he got the message...we're working on making time for each other. I don't feel like I get enough quality time with DD...once I get home I have just enough time to make dinner and get her ready for bed. I work at 7am and I can just never seem to go to bed early enough or get DD to bed early enough...she's always crashing out in the car or first thing in the morning at daycare, and while I'm happy that she's sleeping more there and I get more time with her, I worry that she's not getting enough sleep and it's a bad routine. I think she likes the day home though...usually when I pick her up she seems like she's having a good time with the other kids.<br><br>
I don't feel I'm doing a great job at work either and it's tough to get motivated, but I think that's at least partially related to the pervasive mismanagement at my company rather than being a working mama. In general though I like my career. I don't truly resent the time spent away from her doing my job, but the non-flexibility on hours and time spent driving isn't working for me. I would be much happier if I had an arrangement where DH could drop her off or pick her up, but he's on a rotating shift so there's no way for it to work....plus the fact that it was brutally difficult to try to find a dayhome/daycare close to where we live, but there were plenty of choices close to my work, and we share one car.<br><br>
I think I want to WAHM after this next baby but I'm worried that my own business will be even more of a time-suck than driving and dealing with management-related BS. The earning potential is much better though!<br><br>
Gold star if you've read this far<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Dena</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10296629"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is there any way you could afford to hire someone to help, even a little? And could you give dh specific tasks that would help you?<br><br>
Also, and you have probably already thought of this, but I try to make dinner every other night - and make enough that we have leftovers that I can freeze then pull out later. So some nights dinner takes only a few minutes. It is usually not a big deal time wise to double a recipe, imo.<br><br>
((Hugs)) Good luck. I hope it gets better for you!</div>
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Thanks! DH, for lack of a better explanation, does not want to help. That's pretty much the long and the short of it. He is, in general, very self centered and "doesn't understand why it's so hard to make dinner and clean the kitchen daily." He owns a business and is gone from 8 AM - 9 PM every day. So there's really no opportunity for him to help (other than not giving me a hard time, of which he seems physically incapable <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: ) even if he wanted to.<br><br>
My mom wants to pay for a cleaning service to come in 2x a month and while DH is currently against it, I may have to work on him some more. I need HELP!<br><br>
It doesn't help that DS keeps getting sick from day care and bringing it home to share with me. I have a wicked sinus infection right now that is making even the simplest tasks seem like torture. Sigh.
 
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