[LilacMama]

So, long story short, my DD cries for her grandparents who babysit her about 12 hours/week. She cries a lot. She almost never cries for me (used to, but hasn't really for several weeks). Today she was refusing to eat and shrieking hysterically for over an hour for them. They called me at work and they ended up bringing her in for me to nurse her/comfort her. I literally held her for for ONE MINUTE and she was fine. She wasn't very hungry. She was smiling a lot. I held her for a while and made sure she was feeling better. Then I hand her to my dad. Shrieking. He hands her back to me. She's fine.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

What the hell?! She's not even 4 months old yet. I thought she wasn't supposed to get like this (clingy) for a few more months. It's not like my parents are mean to her -- they love her a lot! They do their best. I know it's different from what I do but I'm hardly throwing her to the wolves. She was shrieking like she was being murdered and she was FINE!

I feel SO guilty for not being there for her and I just don't understand why she can't be okay for other people when I'm at work.

She's pretty good for my husband. She doesn't usually get hysterical like that for my parents either -- but she's always very fussy for them. She's started crying a lot when my dad holds her. He's nothing but nice to her! Argh.

 

[Faithsmommy]

I don't want to tell you that your DD will do the exact same thing as my DD, because I know all babies are different. But my DD did the exact same thing at that exact same age. I bring her to work with me but she is in the care of someone else while there. It was so bad I was trying to figure out if it was possible for me to quit my job and stay home with her. She would SCREAM if anyone was taking care of her but me. Even my husband. But, it all passed. She stopped screaming and she hasn't hit another separation anxiety stage yet. (knock on wood) She is 10 months old. She is happy as can be no matter who watches her and she doesn't cry when I drop her off. With her I have just learned that just when I start to worry about something it all changes and I have something new to worry about! haha

I hope that helped somewhat and I hope this stage passes quickly for you all.

 

[tallulahma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilacMama AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! She was shrieking like she was being murdered and she was FINE!

um, she was shrieking..... she was not fine.

she might not be in physical pain, that does not make her fine.

you need her to be okay, i understand, but babies always prefer to be in close proximity to their mamas & main source of food & comfort.

i dont think its clingy, i think its instinct.

i would give her time.

 

[dollyanna]

I'm sorry you're going through this. You didn't say when you went back to work. Rest assured does get easier, for mama & baby & caregivers.

It sounds like maybe baby isn't taking to the bottle?

Usually when my baby is really upset it has something to do with food and/or sleep. She might have been so excited to see you that she forgot momentarily that she was actually hungry and then got upset when she was taken away fromt he food source?

 

[kalamos23]

DD went through major anxiety about being with anyone other than DH or I from 3-8 months or so. She is just now in the last month getting better about it - sounds normal, sorry to say!

 

[LadyCatherine185]

mama. that sounds really tough.... Did you just recently go back to work? Maybe try some different bottles? I don't have any BTDT advice... just some hugs.

Where in VA are you? We are right outside of Richmond!

 

[LilacMama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tallulahma um, she was shrieking..... she was not fine. she might not be in physical pain, that does not make her fine.

um, I think it's obvious from the context of my post that I meant she was not in physical discomfort. If I thought everything was just peachy I wouldn't have posted in the first place.

Thanks for all the support, mamas. I've been back at work since 6 weeks post-partum. It really hasn't gotten any easier. This separation anxiety is new. She's been with her grandparents about 12 hours/week the whole time and taking a bottle with no problem, so I'm not sure why she's acting like this all of a sudden.

I would have quit my job on the spot last night if it was even a remote possibility that we could afford it.

 

[runnerbrit]

I am sorry you are going through this right now mamma. I work from home and my mom watches dd but once a week for 2 hours (while my mom goes bowling) my SIL watches dd. It has been ROUGH to say the least. As dd is my 3rd I know it will get better; it just takes time.

I would reccomend that you go to the working and student parent forum. You will get great support and advice from other parents who have been there.

 

[tallulahma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilacMama um, I think it's obvious from the context of my post that I meant she was not in physical discomfort. If I thought everything was just peachy I wouldn't have posted in the first place. Thanks for all the support, mamas. I've been back at work since 6 weeks post-partum. It really hasn't gotten any easier. This separation anxiety is new. She's been with her grandparents about 12 hours/week the whole time and taking a bottle with no problem, so I'm not sure why she's acting like this all of a sudden. I would have quit my job on the spot last night if it was even a remote possibility that we could afford it.

I knew what you were saying.

but you seemed to also be saying that she shouldnt be this clingy this soon and that its not like you are throwing her to the wolves.... i dont think a baby will ever grasp things like that. babies that are breastfed ime tend to only want their mamas... at least for the first 6 months of life. Sorry if I sounded off.. i realize you said it was a vent.... but it sounded like you were expecting waaay too much from a newborn...

she has probably been just fine because the first three months of a babes life is eat, sleep, being held. as their awake periods increase- so does their ability to differentiate arms and caregivers.

do you wear her in a sling or anything? maybe you could do that at home and then ask your parents to sling her during hte day for a couple hours... sothat she is getting something that is consistent with what she gets with you?

the sling was the only way my dh was ever able to hold dd1 for the first year of life...for whatever reason she didnt like the way he tried to soothe her.... but she would pass out once he put her in the sling...

Im sure the baby is also now aware of the difference of taking your breastmilk from a bottle and from the source...

 

[Qestia]

I've got no advice but wanted to offer my support. My DD is fine, mostly, with my DCP-but she goes 4 days and I think that might actually help--it's more normal for her. In fact, when I was planning a 3 day DC schedule way back when with my DS my DCP recommended the days all be in a row because it was easier on the babes. Maybe she's having trouble with them because it's so infrequent? It's counterintuitive but maybe if you changed your schedule to spend longer, fewer days at work? Is that possible? Or maybe spread the 12 hours over 5 days so your baby knows every single weekday she'll be with GMa and GPa and will get used to it? It might be worth checking out.

But I can also commiserate--DD does fine at DC--but if I am in the room, no way. She hardly lets DH look at her. I just wear her all night long, and we cosleep, and she's happy. But if DH is holding her I get about 2 minutes to brush my teeth or whatever and then she's sad sad sad.

 

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Qestia I've got no advice but wanted to offer my support. My DD is fine, mostly, with my DCP-but she goes 4 days and I think that might actually help--it's more normal for her. In fact, when I was planning a 3 day DC schedule way back when with my DS my DCP recommended the days all be in a row because it was easier on the babes. Maybe she's having trouble with them because it's so infrequent? It's counterintuitive but maybe if you changed your schedule to spend longer, fewer days at work? Is that possible? Or maybe spread the 12 hours over 5 days so your baby knows every single weekday she'll be with GMa and GPa and will get used to it? It might be worth checking out. But I can also commiserate--DD does fine at DC--but if I am in the room, no way. She hardly lets DH look at her. I just wear her all night long, and we cosleep, and she's happy. But if DH is holding her I get about 2 minutes to brush my teeth or whatever and then she's sad sad sad.

very very good point! I have no choice but to have both my kids in daycare full time. My Charlie is a social butterfly and LOVES it, didnt even need to warm up being moved to the Toddler room. Matthew has no problems watching me leave in the mornings. (Nights are different) I see some kids there part time very sporadically, and its not pretty. Children relate when things are consistant. not schedules, (heavens no) but routines help them learn what to expect. Flexibility isnt a bad thing either though.

 

[namistenicole]

Funny, I'm going through the exact same thing with my DD today. I work from home and have a nanny here today (2nd time ever). DD has moments of happiness, but for the most part she is crying for me. She's a little over 4 months. I was just about to go look up separation anxiety to see if it starts this early... I suggested that our nanny take DD on a walk to see if that diverts her attention for a while. We'll see...

Like Faithsmommy said, I hope this passes and then we'll have something else to worry about!

 

[terrainthailand]

FWIW - my four month old is also exhibiting signs of separation anxiety - so I guess it is pretty normal at this age. I posted a thread earlier this week about how much trouble DH has soothing her. I'm just doing a bit of freelance work from home, we have a twice-a-week cleaner that I hired in part because of her childcare experience. But the few times I have tried to have her entertain Hazel while I showered, worked, or napped she started screaming desperately within minutes. I'm sorry you're going through this - I wish I knew the answer.

 

[mamazee]

I don't work, but my 2-month-old is starting to flip out when I leave the room. I have NO IDEA what is up with that as I thought that wouldn't start for ages. I was doing laundry today and she completely lost it, and as soon as she saw me her cry changed, and she was OK after I picked her up and comforted her. This has been going on for about three days now. I don't know what happens this young where babies act like this, but if separation anxiety has already set in it'll be a long year or so.

 

[funfunkyfantastic]

We are in the middle of my babe's 2nd separation anxiety thing. I'm a SAHM. She flipped out a lot at that age no matter who was watching her. She even flipped out for her own dad. But of course the second I would pick her up she'd be fine. I think for about a month she was ok with other people and then right back to separation anxiety again. Ugh. She flipped out every time I went to a doctor's appointment. I could even hear her crying waiting room from the room I was in. It was awful!! She hates it when I leave the room too. It's kinda annoying. I've been alone for a couple of weeks now waiting for my husband's ship to move down here to the yards. Luckily they'll finally be down here tomorrow! I've been going nuts and have hardly gotten anything done because she won't let me leave the room. I can't shower, I can't eat, I can't clean. It's crazy! The only time I ever get anything done is either when she's napping or if I let her scream for a few minutes. She screamed her head off when I took out the trash the other day. I guess she figured I was abandoning her. Like i'd abandon her. Sheesh. But of course she doesn't know that! I guess it'll take her a while to learn and eventually she'll get over it. Hopefully. lol.

 

[jnet24]

I am not sure if this will help or not but my son cried when anyone other than my mom and I for the first year of his life, and only became better with people when he could walk away from them when he was 12m. He still does not feel comfortable with most people. So age really doesn't matter in my experience. My little girl tough only likes it when other people hold her facing out or standing up on their laps. She is just about 4m like your lo. She hates being held close by anyone other than me. Maybe she doesn't prefer the way they hold her. Also if they are anxious or nervous bc she is crying or they just feel bad for her, she may be picking up on their feelings. My son reads people well and was alot more upset when my mil held him bc we had a rocky relationship and i think he picked up on her feelings of "gosh now he is crying and I can't calm him down" I guess i would suggest holding her in different positions especially facing out. Also my daughter loves her excercise saucer. I prop pillows\blankets around her and it is the only place she is happy in with my dh.

 

[rivkah]

Please DON'T FEEL GUILTY! This will not do you or babe any good. You are at work because you need to be. Mothers have worked throughout history, and grandparents have often been substitute caregivers.

It sounds like baby is going through some adjustment, and it is super hard for all involved. I would guess that perhaps she is picking up on the grandparents anxiety over the whole situation. When they brought her to you, she may have been picking up on the same anxiety for you. So long as baby is healthy and is being held by a loving, familiar adult, I am not sure there is anything you can do except to give it a little time. I think SA is common, but it is also common for babies to get over it quickly.

 

[guestmama9915]

It IS a lot harder for kids to adjust to infrequent changes like this... and at that age it sounds very normal. Sorry, wish I had some advice.

 

[Ceinwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rivkah Please DON'T FEEL GUILTY! This will not do you or babe any good. You are at work because you need to be. Mothers have worked throughout history, and grandparents have often been substitute caregivers. It sounds like baby is going through some adjustment, and it is super hard for all involved. I would guess that perhaps she is picking up on the grandparents anxiety over the whole situation. When they brought her to you, she may have been picking up on the same anxiety for you. So long as baby is healthy and is being held by a loving, familiar adult, I am not sure there is anything you can do except to give it a little time. I think SA is common, but it is also common for babies to get over it quickly.

Absolutely agree. My sixteen month old is going through round three (four? lol) of separation anxiety. She loses her mind when I'm out of her line of sight - but I'm a single mom and I have to work. Surprisingly enough, there are good days where she doesn't seem to notice when I even leave... go figure.

 

[hotmamacita]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilacMama What the hell?! She's not even 4 months old yet. I thought she wasn't supposed to get like this (clingy) for a few more months. It's not like my parents are mean to her -- they love her a lot! They do their best. I know it's different from what I do but I'm hardly throwing her to the wolves. She was shrieking like she was being murdered and she was FINE! I feel SO guilty for not being there for her and I just don't understand why she can't be okay for other people when I'm at work. .

She is a baby.

She wants her mama.

That is normal and good.

Good luck. You will know what to do. Trust your instincts.