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<p>So- ex and I have been fairly amicable and have not gone to court yet although we have been separated since the end of August.  He was in court with his ex wife and he went through the wringer- so to speak.  So he does NOT want to go to court again.  But he is pushing to change our visitation agreement and I do not want to change it.  I was ready to go to court to fight for what I want but I was reading through some info from legal aid about going to court which basically tells all about the steps that we will have to follow.  One was to sign releases for medical and school and extracurricular people to share info with the court. There was even mention of proof of child going to dr and dentist visits and being up to date on vaccinations.  So that's where I falter.</p>
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<p>I will agree to the visitation he wants before I will subject my child to being "caught up" on his vaccinations- probably way too fast- just to protect him from a situation that I do not think is best for him- visitation-wise. Has anyone been through this before?  I mean had non-vax status come into play in a custody fight?</p>
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<p>BTW- background is that when ds was newborn DH and I talked about vaxing and he was all for it and I questioned many of the seemingly unecessary ones.  We talked a little and I challenged his faith in doctors to protect us and he faltered.  He knew I did not give ds some vaxes, he also knew I waited to decide about a lot of them. He never came to doctor visits, never asked about whether we did do all the vaxes or not. So we kind of just never talked about it specifically and I really don't think he knows what ds has and hasn't been given.  I'm pretty sure he'd be surprised in court and would want him to have them all.  Which is why I'm concerned.</p>
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<p>So I'm trying to decide- do I just agree to what he wants and start trying to catch ds up slowly in preparation for a someday court fight? Because I am not going to just keep folding to his will every time he demands something.  Or do I go to court and fight now because this whole investigation doesn't usually happen anyway?  Argh. </p>
 

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<p>Does he seem like the kind of guy to hold vaccination over your head to get what he wants?</p>
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<p>You may have to work with him on this one. If you think he may take him in to catch up on everything I would see if he is open to a gradual catch up plan, if it must be done.</p>
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<p>Yeah he would totally use it if he could.  He basically told me he would fight me as long as it took to get what he wants. In his words he'd lose his business fighting me. I believe he'd vax him just because he knows it would hurt me, knowing it was happening. </p>
 

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Ugh this is not good. I would be inclined to do what's best for your baby. And that is no vaccines. I would probably give in to his demands......hard to say though!! Good luck
 

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<p>My ex threatened me with "telling the judge" about my DS not being current on his vaxes. He was 5 at the time and I decided that it was more important to protect my son from his father than from the vaccines so I had him vaxed. It was very sad and I absolutely hated it but his father is a nasty, nasty person that poses more of a threat to my child's health than the vaccines. I think if you could find a doctor that supports delayed vax'ing that this would be so much easier. That way you could go to court knowing your doctor supports you and would hopefully be seen as a reasonable person (in the court's eyes that is) that is working with a pediatrician on the vax issue. It would be good to have a proposed schedule worked out ahead of the court date in case it comes up. That way you can show you are addressing the issue and its not a case of neglect. I think if this is all your ex has against you and its not a long and drawn out process, you will be able to avoid vaxing for now. However, if your ex is nasty like mine and has $$ to blow on legal fees, there will always be a next time unfortunately. That's the sucky thing about being divorced and sharing custody. You will lose some control over what happens to your child. Do you have a lawyer? Hopefully you do so you don't end up giving up too much to your ex.</p>
 

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<p>This is an unfortunate situation, and you are not alone.</p>
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<div>He knew I did not give ds some vaxes, he also knew I waited to decide about a lot of them. He never came to doctor visits, never asked about whether we did do all the vaxes or not. So we kind of just never talked about it specifically and I really don't think he knows what ds has and hasn't been given.  I'm pretty sure he'd be surprised in court and would want him to have them all.</div>
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<p>Fortunately for you, you have more leverage now than you will ever have after the divorce is final. Now is the time to use that leverage to get what is best for your child. The fact that your ex either knew pre-dissolution re your child's vax status or was not involved in the child's medical care (and left all decisions up to you, etc) does <em><strong>not</strong></em> help his case. I would think twice about giving in and start seeking a legal exemption for your child. You cannot be found neglectful if you have followed the statutory requirements for obtaining an exemption, especially if you have done the research and have come to a conscientious conclusion concerning the vaxing of your own offspring. Nobody can make you change your convictions, esp. not a family court judge (who is an agent of the state and must respect its laws).</p>
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<p>I would also follow HappyTomato's advice and get a good attorney -- you might be able to get both a visitation schedule and a vax schedule (even if that means no vaxes) that are actually in your <em>child's</em> best interests! You definitely want your position reified in the dissolution, or else he might decide later to take things into his own hands.</p>
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<p>Also, and this is VERY important, beware of attempts to get a visitation schedule purely for financial reasons, i.e., is the schedule he wants reflective of the time/attention/care he already gives to the child, or will it simply qualify him for a reduction in support?</p>
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<p>Prayers and light to you!</p>
 
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