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Worried about my messed up perinium :(

703 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  NowOrNever
I have these fears and I really need to get it all out...

With Malachi, he had a nuchal hand and I tore SO bad inside and out and needed to transport to the hospital to get liek 250 stitches after. (that's what I am told anyway)

Anyway, when I was pregnant with Chloe I was real concerned about re-tearing on my scar tissue. I know periniums stretch and will do their thing if you do things properly and slowly etc... but mine was already so damaged from Malachi's birth. She was born pretty quickly (her birth was unassisted), 3hrs start to finish... DH checked after she was born and said that it didn't look like I tore, so I was happy about that. Well I could tell I was swollen, but knew that would go down. A couple days later I started to feel stinging when I would urinate. I felt around down there, and I could feel that I did indeed tear a bit. I could feel a skid mark type tear inside. One side of my labia was swollen and bigger than the otherside but I didn't really think anything of it, just figured I was swollen from a fast birth. I have a phobia of Doctors poking around inside me ever since my stitches with Malachi... which is why I haven't had a pap in 6yrs either. ( I know I know, I am going to get one at my next midwife appt on Wednesday.)

Anyway, I healed up and went on with life. So I thought. I guess I never fully realized the extent of my damage because at my first prenatal with this pregnancy... the midwife noticed that my perinium was really short... (now this, I did know, but thought it was from my first tear with Malachi) and she handed me a mirror and showed me that I actually have a FLAP of perinium hanging. See... all this time, I thought it was just a freaking hemorroid (gross I know) because it's so far down there. That tells you how far down my tearing went.

So now I guess I am freaking out a little bit. I am scared to tear all the way down there again. I'm not sure if this will benefit me since I have less of a perinium, so less skin in the way of babies head... or if it will be worse cause when (if) I do tear... it won't have much room to tear and I will end up in the ER being repaired again.

I have no idea what to do with these fears either. I can't just say "trust my body" like I would if I didn't have such a messed up perinium. It's all screwed up and there isn't much I can do about it.

Ya know... I just realized I don't even know what I am asking really. I thought I had a question, but now... I don't really know what I expect anyone to tell me. I was going to ask my midwife on Wednesday if I should be concerned about tearing real bad again.

Did any of you have a really short or messed up perinium and actually have a no-tear delivery? I have about 27wks (well... I was 3wks over with Chloe so who knows lol) to work this out in my head.

Thanks for listening

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I had to give you a hug. It doesn't seem like it would make it more likely to tear, but I am no expert. I hope your midwife can help you
I have a short perineum, no tear with my first birth.

I developed a fear of tearing with my second because I grew a hard little pea-sized cyst on my perineum and had morbid fantasies of it swelling and exploding as I pushed the baby out.

I had my mw check out the cyst, she could have cared less (the back of my head was wondering: omg, i hope it's not cancer!) and she told me to quit worrying. I wouldn't care what happened once I was holding my baby.

Well, I decided to take this to heart and during the birth, the ring of fire was intense ALL over. I was shocked to find (just while feeling things out) that stroking my highly sensitive clitoris and inner labia during this was very tingly and pleasurable and took my mind off of the burn.

I ripped sure enough, from inside a bit straight through the skin above the cyst. My midwife stiched me up, about 18 stitches I believe, and also had fun doing a little clandestine surgical procedure -- cutting out the cyst. I healed quite nicely and the lesson learned is that now I don't give a crap about whether or not I tear during birth, 'cause everything's gonna be all right.

But I feel for you Mama, 250 stitches! I understand why yer scared.

But what are you gonna do/where are you going to go if you do need stitches?
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See my fear of tearing is transporting again yk? That was so horrible. There was nothing like giving birth to your baby after 21hrs and knowing you had to go spend time in the emergency room with your newborn baby
It sucked and the hospital staff treated me like crap. The Dr that saw me said "You know... you would have been better off had you just had another c-section". Man that pissed me off!!!! The surgeon was so nice to me though. But, because my tearing was SO bad, I had to be given a spinal and had to stay overnight. The nurses kept coming in saying "Awww, I hear you had a horrible birth". I wanted to scream at them and say "The birth was fine, I just happened to tear". It was so annoying.

I think that's the main thing. There is no way my midwife could have operated on me at home. So if it's as bad as it was... just the thought of transporting freaks me out.

And you just reminded me, that when I was at my appt and looking in the mirror... she showed me this little bulge sticking out on the inside of me. It was paler in color than the rest of my vaginal area. I remembered that when you were talking about your cyst. lol

Does massage oil work on scar tissue btw? Everyone of course is suggesting a lot of massage... which I did do before... but I have heard that it isn't real effective on scar tissue anyway.

Thank you for replying and sharing

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It is good that you are identifing your fear. It can be helpful to list every reason you thinkg you might have this fear, then write down a plan of action for handeling this fear. Sometimes putting it on paper can release your mind from feeling responsible for keeping the fear.

My personal experience is that with my 7th child I did not tear at all, even though I did tear slightly with each previous birth, on the large episomity scar left from my first forcepts birth.

I have also seen periniums such as you discribe, and ones that were not sticthed properly so a flap is left. With support I have seen these women birth without tearing, or with only minor tears that don't even need a sticth.

So, talk to your midwife about this, and let your fears go. Then just let your body do the work going with the rhythm of your labor, letting your body be your guide, and when you feel the crowning ring of fire, just breath!
Hi Crystal!! Waving madly!!

No words of wisdom about your problem, though.
I tore really badly with my second one, but not in the rest. I know that it royally bites!
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