I have these fears and I really need to get it all out...
With Malachi, he had a nuchal hand and I tore SO bad inside and out and needed to transport to the hospital to get liek 250 stitches after. (that's what I am told anyway)
Anyway, when I was pregnant with Chloe I was real concerned about re-tearing on my scar tissue. I know periniums stretch and will do their thing if you do things properly and slowly etc... but mine was already so damaged from Malachi's birth. She was born pretty quickly (her birth was unassisted), 3hrs start to finish... DH checked after she was born and said that it didn't look like I tore, so I was happy about that. Well I could tell I was swollen, but knew that would go down. A couple days later I started to feel stinging when I would urinate. I felt around down there, and I could feel that I did indeed tear a bit. I could feel a skid mark type tear inside. One side of my labia was swollen and bigger than the otherside but I didn't really think anything of it, just figured I was swollen from a fast birth. I have a phobia of Doctors poking around inside me ever since my stitches with Malachi... which is why I haven't had a pap in 6yrs either. ( I know I know, I am going to get one at my next midwife appt on Wednesday.)
Anyway, I healed up and went on with life. So I thought. I guess I never fully realized the extent of my damage because at my first prenatal with this pregnancy... the midwife noticed that my perinium was really short... (now this, I did know, but thought it was from my first tear with Malachi) and she handed me a mirror and showed me that I actually have a FLAP of perinium hanging. See... all this time, I thought it was just a freaking hemorroid (gross I know) because it's so far down there. That tells you how far down my tearing went.
So now I guess I am freaking out a little bit. I am scared to tear all the way down there again. I'm not sure if this will benefit me since I have less of a perinium, so less skin in the way of babies head... or if it will be worse cause when (if) I do tear... it won't have much room to tear and I will end up in the ER being repaired again.
I have no idea what to do with these fears either. I can't just say "trust my body" like I would if I didn't have such a messed up perinium. It's all screwed up and there isn't much I can do about it.
Ya know... I just realized I don't even know what I am asking really. I thought I had a question, but now... I don't really know what I expect anyone to tell me. I was going to ask my midwife on Wednesday if I should be concerned about tearing real bad again.
Did any of you have a really short or messed up perinium and actually have a no-tear delivery? I have about 27wks (well... I was 3wks over with Chloe so who knows lol) to work this out in my head.
Thanks for listening