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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My sil is due in early November and although this was a planned pregnancy she seems really worried about every little thing. She's getting ever test offered, even though she's not at risk for anything.
She's even had a 3d ultrasound at every prenatal.

I'm worried about her because I think that worry and stress over the possibilities will make her pregnancy worse and lead her to be open to making bad choices.

I also believe that fear leads to pain. If she is fearful of the process of labor then I think it will cause her more pain and complications.

I've lent her "The Thinking Woman's Guide...." but I don't know if she's reading it or not. I do know she is reading "WTEWYE" and thinks its great.

What can I do for her? Keeping in mind I'm on the other end of the spectrum have a hb and virtually no tests
 

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You know, I think everyone needs to find their own way. A girlfriend of mine who I always thought was way crunchier than me just had a baby and went very mainstream with her birth (followed OBs lead with decision-making, went to a one evening childbirth class at a hospital, had an epidural) and was very happy in the end.

I just bit my tongue a lot and tried to be as supportive as possible. I figured she knew I was into natural childbirth and she would ask if she wanted info/help/advice.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Its not that she's not into natural childbirth, its her pregnancy and her choice.

Its that her fear is the driving force in her decisions. I want to help her understand that she doesn't have to fear being pregnant or labor or birth.
 

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Well if you want to try another book, I would suggest Ina May's Guide to Child Birth. The thing about TTWGTB is that I think it appeals to a really analytical type of person. I actually normally am pretty analytical, but when I was pregnant the first time I got really intuitive and that book wasn't for me. This book struck me as "what to be afraid of at the hospital" and it wasn't the mindset I wanted to approach things from. My favorite book was Birthing From Within, which is kind of 180 degrees in the other direction! :LOL I think of the Goer book as very left-brained and the England book as very right-brained (I did read the Goer book after DS's birth and loved it though).

Ina May is so positive, unless you're the kind of person who's just not into reading books (then ya gotta find a video), I don't know how you could not like it!
 

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I hear your concern, but I am also someone who trends (normally) towards worry, I think it's a really normal feeling during pregnancy. I see a lot of people posting questions on this board that deal with anxieties (i.e. is it OK to...) but we have an outlet for expressing those concerns without a heavy reliance on one person (i.e. ob/gyn-midwife). Particularly the first pregnancy - I was far more anxious than with this one. It's a new experience, your body is doing all sorts of funky things, and that book she's reading isn't helping too much with giving lots more things to worry about, things you never thought of! (I.e. the advice about cheese is three years out of date!) Many women are total worriers during pregnancy and have mellow deliveries, mellow babies; and vice versa.

Nothing like having someone tell you while you're pregnant "Don't worry too much or your baby will cry all the time like So-and-so we know!" I worried plenty and my daughter is a very mellow kid. I'm not saying you're going to do that, but her family is probably after her enough as it is (apparently my preeclampsia was caused by my worrying and being too fat, according to family - why isn't every third woman afflicted with preeclampsia, then?
). If the tests really do reassure her, then it might not be so bad...many of us did not learn to decline tests until the second time around. Giving her the book is a good way to start - although then she might worry about what ultrasound does, and etc. There's always something new to be worried about, if you want to be (plastics? nonorganic veg? smoked salmon? etc). I was very disappointed to read about Nalgene bottles this month, as one is practically surgically attached to me.

The thing that helped me last time and this time is yoga - how about asking if she'd like to go to a prenatal yoga class with you? Things like this that help her to sort of get outside of her brain and in touch with her body, and to find a place of safety and relaxation. It would hopefully give her a way to self-ground during delivery, especially, and feel confident in her body. Or a pregnancy massage at a local massage school? It would be most helpful if you could help her find a way to let the tension go....
 

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About the yoga--Good idea! Of all the things I did to prepare for my last birth, yoga was the absolute best. And I love the idea of a massage too.

OT: about the nalgene bottles, when I first read that I threw mine away. Then I looked into it more. It's been awhile asince I read the info on this, but in order for the bottle to get into the water it has to be exposed to harsh conditions they aren't exposed to IRL. So I bought another one. I never put it in the dishwasher. Just rinse it with water (I use a drop of mild dish soap once in awhile). Never leave water sitting in it a long time. And I feel fine about it.
 

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i agree with the yoga suggestion. it's grounding. i also agree that regardless, pregnancy is a anxious, nervewracking time-and exciting etc. in addition, i think that education is great. the more i read and learned about pregnancy, labour, and birth, the more i chilled out. however, the books need to be from a place that supports birth as a natural, normal process. media, tv and many books can just scare the sh*^t out of you. but if you have read enough about how normal birth is, all the horror stories seem less scary.
 
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