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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I sort of feel bad posting this here because I'm not totally traumatized by the whole thing. I would rather not repeat the experience if possible though.<br><br>
Four years ago I had a home birth (wouldn't change that part <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ). Here are some things that I was not happy about.<br><br>
1. while I was getting stitched up, dh took the baby and left the room. He could hear that I was in pain and he didn't come back.<br>
2. While he was gone, he called lots of people and he named our daughter a name that we hadn't totally finished discussing to people on the phone.<br>
3. He called for people to come and return our then 3 year old before I was stitched up so they (and she) could hear me screaming in pain.<br>
4.I was screaming in pain because they didn't give me enough litacain (sp?) to last the whole time. They did offer more but I wasn't in the best state of mind and didn't want another needle down there (ok like there wasn't one already down there, duh!)<br>
5. After an hour and a half of stitching she was still only half way done and I told her to forget it. Finally, dh did come back and backed me on that decision. I'm not sure he should have but by that time I needed it to be done.<br>
6. While dh was gone with the baby, she was given a pacifier (because her little sister wanted to give her one) and while it didn't hurt nursing because she learned quickly she'd rather hurt me, it just wasn't something I wanted.<br><br>
The midwife I hired had some experience stitching. I'm pretty sure that back up that came didn't. She was honestly an awesome midwife. She was calm and wonderful in every other way. Stitching just wasn't her thing.<br><br>
My biggest question is do you think a Doula might have helped in this situation? It was just DH and I with this midwife that we'd only met at our home visit. We want to try again and I want to know what I think I want before we get pregnant. I've talked to DH. He is one of those people who only hears what he wants to hear so I'm pretty sure he didn't hear anything that I said during that conversation <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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I think yes, a doula would have been beneficial in this situation - a sane, non-related adult whose sole focus is on making sure you, the mama, are taken care of.<br><br>
A doula can help with husband- and child-wrangling. You can talk with her about your needs, and she can make sure that everybody knows what you wanted ahead of time. She could remind your husband of what you would like him to do during and after the birth (you and he will need to hash this out in some detail, perhaps), tell him to get in the bedroom with you if you need his support/presence, remind him that YOU want to call family, or you want to wait 24 hours or whatever you decide. She can help with the holding the newborn or managing the older kids if you need repairs or a shower. She can turn people away at the front door if they come too early and generally help ensure that your wishes and needs are heard and respected.<br><br>
The stitching issue is more your midwife's bailiwick. You'd want to talk with whoever you hire about what happened last time. Tell her that you <i>need</i> for both the primary midwife and the back-up to have decent experience with repairing tears. They also should be willing to say that it's beyond their skill level and you should transfer to a hospital for repairs, or you should make that call if you think it will be safer/better.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks so much for the response. I'm really not too upset with the midwives. They are human (and I guess dh is supposed to be too LOL). It sounds like next time I will have a doula. I didn't realize that that dh would be so enamoured by our newest addition that he wouldn't be there for me.
 
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