[mamaduck]

Dh and I have our first date in 6 months planned for this evening. But, last night I did something stupid and he blew up at me .... and he's still really ticked off, and being really cold toward me.

I'm thinking I don't want to go outwith him tonight. But before the fight, we were really looking forward to it, and it's not real likely we can just line up a sitter another weekend without any issue.

Should we go, or should we stay?

 

[somemama]

Oh, definitely, go and have a good time! Let this event help you heal from your fight.

 

[mamacrab]

I say go out if you can. It seems like dh and i ALWAYS have a big fight before anything romantic we have planned!! Its like we can't take the pressure. Back in the day (before kids) we could afford to sulk for a while. NOW, (as you well know) a night out is so hard to organize. Don't let it go! But I would come right out and tell dh what you're thinking and feeling, so you two can clear the air a little before you actually go out.

Good luck! ANd let us know how it goes!

And heres a hug.

Because I hate fighting!!

 

[5796]

make amends and go out.

have fun.

 

[babybugmama]

Right there with mamacrab...once upon a time when dh and I got into fights we would sulk and pout and ignore each other and skip the romantic event. Now...well, either we grew up or were just more desperate to have time together so we tend to suck it up.

Sometimes if I can use humor to diffuse the situation that helps....I make fun of his pouty face. But at the wrong time, bleah.

Also think of it this way, it may be a chance to make the fight blow over quicker...or even give you an opportunity to talk it out if it's big enough that it needs that.

good luck
Kathleen

 

[mamaduck]

Its big alright, but I don't think there is anything more to say. We're kind of at an impass, where all I can do is try harder next time.... he wants me to admit that I did wrong -- which I can't in conscious say, although I will say that I wish I did differently. That isn't good enough for him, and so I don't know what.... Things are just quiet and tense. Neither of us wants to talk about it anymore.

We're going -- I think the evening will feel strained and hard though.

 

[babybugmama]

I hate when I do something I know I have to do, but perhaps do it like a bull in a china shop. So I know that I didn't do it the best possible way, but yet... (If my analogy is way off, please forgive my assumption - we all know about assumptions )

I'm sorry that it was a biggie. Does it help to apologize for the hurt angry feelings and not neccesarily your behavior? Does that make sense? I know there are times when I believe I'm in the right, but yet at the same time I know that I've been insensitive and so I'll aplogize for my insensitivity...sometimes I will also try to explain what I was trying to accomplish (although that never seems to help and makes the apology sound like, I'm sorry...but).

Anyway, maybe the evening will surprise you...I'll send healing vibes you and dh's way, take care, good luck and lots and lots of

 

[mamaduck]

It wasn't a right or wrong thing, IMO. Though he thinks it was. Just, I didn't think about his feelings I guess. I *did* apologize profusely for making a thoughtless choice. I would never intentionally hurt him, but he doubts that for whatever reason. He wants me to admit maliciousness, which is unfair and untrue.

 

[Momma Aimee]

go out.

sounds like you two could use some time to focuse on each other and the relationship.

go.

relax.

enjoy.

renew your love. bond again.

Aimee

 

[babybugmama]

My dh does that too sometimes...thinks I purposefully set out to hurt his feelings. When I try to redirect and ask him if he really thinks I'm malicious and that I don't love him, b/c otherwise how and why would I purposefully hurt him, that seems to help. He still has to nurse the hurt feelings and has to take the time to heal and forgive me, but he does at least recognize that it was a thoughtless and not malicious moment.

When are you going out? Try if at all possible to think positive...if you expect things to be tense and yucky the evening will live up to your expectations. I hope you have a really good time despite the *cool weather* (tongue in cheeck).