[Purple Cat]

I received a letter from the room parent in my 3 y.o. twins preschool class. She asked for $10 to $15 per child per teacher for the 3 teachers in my children's class. (2 teachers and one aide). I'm the only one with twins and am on a very tight budget. That's an expected contribution of $60 by me. I buy many of my children's holiday gifts at rummage sales. $60 to $75 for their teachers just seems over-the-top. Where I really bristle is that we had envelopes placed in our box with instructions to return them to her box with our contribution. The envelopes have a specially designed sticker for us to fill in who our contribution is from.

I don't want to do it at all. My children consistently talk about how the teachers are so nice, but the aide, who works exclusively with one student, is mean. I have seen her be rather mean. She told a crying girl sitting on her lap that "Now it was time for her to act like a big girl" and put her off her lap. Frankly, I don't want to give the aide anything. I want to just get their two regular teachers something simple that the kids pick out, like a nice ornmanet or a mug filled with a hot chocolate mix or gourmet coffee.

Would that seems icky to you? Thoughts?

 

[tayndrewsmama]

Wow, that seems really inappropriate to me. I would guess that you aren't the only one who isn't too happy with this situation. With the holidays coming up quick, it should probably be nipped in the bud quickly too. Unless this is something that was previously discussed and agreed upon by all the parents, I don't think that it's normal for the entire class to be expected to participate in a group gift that someone else is making the decisions on.

 

[stik]

That sounds excessive to me too. I'd get a small token for the teachers who work with your children, and write a lovely note about what wonderful things they've done with my children so far this year. CC the teacher's supervisor on the note, because then it goes in the teacher's employment record, and supervisors will usually look for opportunities to share nice things parents have said at staff development meetings and stuff, so it's a gift that keeps on giving for a little while.

 

[bigeyes]

That would really tick me off.

: Icky doesn't cover it.

 

[joensally]

I would return the envelope to her box, and write on the form:

"Thank you very much for including us, but the kids and I have a plan for gifts on our own."

 

[BCFD]

Quote:

Originally Posted by joensally I would return the envelope to her box, and write on the form: "Thank you very much for including us, but the kids and I have a plan for gifts on our own."

I agree with this.

 

[CarrieMF]

This happened in my dd's playschool, EXCEPT it was whatever amount you wanted & it was optional so it didn't matter if someone didn't want to.

If the aide is there exclusively for 1 child then there's no reason why the entire class needs to give her anything.

I'd send the note mentioned & do what you were planning on doing.

 

[emmaegbert]

I once actually organized what CarrieMF describes (but it was for end-of-the year). We said it was optional, we said it was what you could afford (and we suggested between $5 and $30 from each family- not per child, not per teacher) and we didn't keep track or anything. I figured it was a way to give the teachers something much larger than most parents could afford on their own. I know a few parents (one the SAHM wife of a surgeon... not a grad student like me!) gave the teachers their own big presents.

I think you can easily return the envelope either with a note saying you will do your own thing, or you can contribute what you like (and feel free to say its not for the aide, for example, its not as if though the room parent will share this). The last thing I would do is stress out about it. I am SURE you won't be the only person who doesn't participate or who participates at the level that is different from suggested.

I am the daughter of a teacher (early ed then elementary) and used to be the roommate of an early ed teacher as well. After watching them try to deal with the slew of things they got at holiday and end of year on the home front, I learned that the presents teachers get are pretty crazy and run the gamut. I think they most appreciate 1) something made or personalized by the kids, 2) money or gift cards for something they enjoy, or 3) some kind of nice little treat, if they don't want to eat it, they can pass it along to someone who will (like daughter, roommate, hehe). I do think they also appreciate a simple note of thanks or appreciation from the parents. Teachers don't rake in the big bucks, they understand about being frugal/sensible.

 

[Miss Information]

My kids teacher's have said they don't really want personal gifts, but wouldn't mind getting books or a game for the classroom, or a gift certficate (like $5 or so) to a bookstore or craft store so they can buy supplies for the kids. Most times, teacher's have limited budgets for their classrooms, so they appreciate what they can get for the classroom versus personal gifts.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your idea either. Don't feel guilty about it.

 

[mommy68]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purple Cat I received a letter from the room parent in my 3 y.o. twins preschool class. She asked for $10 to $15 per child per teacher for the 3 teachers in my children's class. (2 teachers and one aide).

I would donate what I feel is a good amount and leave it at that.

This mother is likely trying to get a little extra for herself and for her work of finding an appropriate gift for each teacher. That's wrong. There is no way she is spending "that" much on 3 teachers, or at least I find it hard to believe she would spend that much, especially with the economy the way it has been. I'd ask her what she plans to purchase and give you a price on the gifts first before offering any $$. But that's just me.

I've personally never heard of someone telling the other parents to give money to them like this. I've always purchased gifts for preschool/school teachers when and IF I wanted to get them a gift. If she were planning to do a class party and needed the funds to buy the food and plates/cup then that would be more understandable - but to tell you she is doing the gift purchases for the whole class to the teachers, eh...I don't like it.

 

[mommy68]

Seriously, I've done the math and if the class has 15 students then asking parents to donate this amount of money would mean she is purchasing a gift valued at atleast $200 for EACH teacher.

There's no way I believe that. She's likely buying something around $20 and keeping the rest. I'd have serious issues with it and would bring it up with the teacher or head of the school.

I would think even $2-$5 donation per teacher for a class of 15-20 kids would be very appropriate.

 

[momtoS]

I think $60 is a lot to ask a family to give. I would send a note like someone posted above stating that you will send a gift of your own.

$60 for some families is money that covers essentials.....not a teachers gift.
I thought I got a good gift and I spent $15.

 

[Sasharna]

Wow! When I was teaching, I'd be tickled pink over $2 boxes of candy and darling handmade cards. I was touched that the parents thought of me at all during the holiday season. I wonder why this woman thinks such an expensive gift is necessary?

I like the suggestion to let her know you'll be taking care of buying your own gift for the teachers.

 

[sofiabugmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by joensally I would return the envelope to her box, and write on the form: "Thank you very much for including us, but the kids and I have a plan for gifts on our own."

I'm in favor of this option as well.

And to the OP: yes, I think it's icky. This would be my reaction to the letter:

:

FYI, at DD's school, the room parents ask for money at the beginning of the fall term (in relative terms, about $20-30) per student to cover costs for the ENTIRE YEAR, including the parties, teacher gifts and such. I think the person asking for $10 per kid per teacher for just Christmas is excessive and highly suspect.

 

[annethcz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy68 I would donate what I feel is a good amount and leave it at that. This mother is likely trying to get a little extra for herself and for her work of finding an appropriate gift for each teacher. That's wrong. There is no way she is spending "that" much on 3 teachers, or at least I find it hard to believe she would spend that much, especially with the economy the way it has been. I'd ask her what she plans to purchase and give you a price on the gifts first before offering any $$. But that's just me.

I don't think I'd jump to that conclusion. When I lived in a more affluent area, teachers and other people who work with children WERE given large gifts like that. When my DH was a volunteer soccer coach, the parents organized an end-of-the year thank you gift and ended up giving him $50 gift cards for 3 different restraunts. So $150 in gift cards, just for vounteering to be a soccer coach for 2 months.

That said, I think I'd just send a little note saying that you won't be participating, and leave it at that.

 

[tayndrewsmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy68 Seriously, I've done the math and if the class has 15 students then asking parents to donate this amount of money would mean she is purchasing a gift valued at atleast $200 for EACH teacher. There's no way I believe that. She's likely buying something around $20 and keeping the rest. I'd have serious issues with it and would bring it up with the teacher or head of the school. I would think even $2-$5 donation per teacher for a class of 15-20 kids would be very appropriate.

Well that's a pretty big assumption that I wouldn't go to. It would be pretty darn easy to figure that out and I doubt many people in her situation would have the gall to do something like that.

I would just guess that money isn't much of an issue for her and that she was being rather careless in not thinking about other people's budgets.

 

[Qestia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrieMF This happened in my dd's playschool, EXCEPT it was whatever amount you wanted & it was optional so it didn't matter if someone didn't want to.

Exact same thing here, and I was glad someone was organizing it as I wanted to do something but had no clue what. If this person didn't say it was optional and give leeway in amounts she needs to get a clue.

OP--what you are planning is fine.

 

[imagine21]

Several years ago, when dd was in second grade, I decided that I didn't want to give gifts to teachers and would make donations instead. I donated to an organization called SEVA that amongst other things, does operations to restore people's sight around the world. I had email cards sent to all of the teachers notifying them of the donations. I couldn't imagine what was wrong when dd's main classrrom teacher called me crying in the middle of the day. I was initially scared that something had happened to dd, when she asked me, "How did you know that my mother is blind?" I obviously had not known, but her call was the best holiday gift I could have gotten. It was a beautiful moment. www.seva.org

 

[mommy68]

Quote:

Originally Posted by annethcz I don't think I'd jump to that conclusion. When I lived in a more affluent area, teachers and other people who work with children WERE given large gifts like that. When my DH was a volunteer soccer coach, the parents organized an end-of-the year thank you gift and ended up giving him $50 gift cards for 3 different restraunts. So $150 in gift cards, just for vounteering to be a soccer coach for 2 months. That said, I think I'd just send a little note saying that you won't be participating, and leave it at that.

It's okay if someone wants to do it themself but to require other parents to donate so much money isn't right, regardless of how affluent the area is IMO. Not everyone wants to spend that much on one occasion for a gift. At my children's old school (private school) we bought gifts for their teachers for several occasions throughout the year and we never could have spent that much just for one gift at Cmas and I'm the type that loves to spend on people.

 

[mojumi]

I am so glad to read the responses here! I've been wondering about similar situations in my childrens' schools, where the 'class mom' requests 'contributions' at a mandatory level for a class gift. I find that beyond tacky (like, if I can give less than the 'mandatory contribution' amount, it isn't worth including my contribution with the total???) but no one else seems to bat an eye -- or at least no one else says anything. Last year I opted out and my kids made their teachers cards and I bought them v. small gift cards from a cafe, which made us all much happier. It is happening again this year, even with different 'class moms' and in a different school! So I guess it is more and more common -- ?? We won't be participating this year, either. (I looked at the holidays/events like birthdays and the contributions 'required' for each one and realized it would be well over $200 for both classes over the course of the year. I think that is nuts.)

Anyway, hugs to you for dealing with this as well. Like I said, I'm glad to hear sane responses here, I was afraid there was something wrong with me!!