[sadie_sabot]

my dd bites other kids in her daycare. sometimes it is pretty random seeming, sometimes it is in response to a conflict. she is no more agressive than the other kids, but they hit, and biting hurts more than hitting, ya know?

I feel as though we (parents and dcp) are doing all the right things, but it is still happening. i know she'll grow out of it, but I'm feeling a bit fried and hopeless about it. the other day, she bit a kid in the playground (dd is 19 months, the other kid was at least 3 and was pushing her, so it was a self defense thing...but still i felt like my kid was the one who'd done wrong

)

so, I guess I'd love to hear ideas on how to hasten her passage through this stage as well as advice on how to keep my own perspective and cool about it.

 

[veganmamma]

I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I don't. All I know is somehow it feels much worse to have the kid who is hurting other kids than to have your kid get hurt by other kids. Seems silly but it's true, IME.

Your kid should come bite my kid sometime :LOL

 

[indiegirl]

Oh I could have written your post two years ago. My then 18-21 mo old dd was a fierce biter and sounds like exactly your dd.

Mine eventually got kicked out of daycare, though I'm sure that is not what you want to hear.

I swear that we did everything on earth (aside from the cruel punishments you hear about) and nothing helped my dd. It was a faze and she outgrew it. I know that is not what you want to hear. I'm sorry!

We found out a year later my dd is hearing impared and her biting was because she was frustrated!

Jesse

 

[Embee]

Sadie, I'm sorry things are still tough for you (I remember and posted to your last thread about this issue). Indeed, it sounds like you're working hard on this issue and it can be disheartening when your efforts haven't yet paid off.

I can't remember, is your DD very verbal yet? DS went through this at the exact same age and it was definitely a frustration thing at the time... he wasn't yet very verbal at that time and lacked words to express his strong emotions-- a tough time for toddlers (and there parents)!

For verbal child, after a few reps, it gets easy to give them words as alternatives. When DS is in playgroup and pushes another child trying to grab a toy, I stop him gently and tell him, "You can use your WORDS here. You may tell Jenny that you are playing the the toy right now and she may use it when you're done." This became easier for us when DS of course was more verbal (2 1/2 or so). But when their so young... it's hard.

I delt with it by just being really consistent in my approach. Hopefully preventing DS from biting another child (I had good success with this by getting there "in time") and taking him out of the action. Giving him words for his emotions, "You are frustrated that Johnny took your toy away." Accepting his feelings, "It's OK to feel frustrated." But NOT accepting his actions, "But it's not OK to hit. Hitting hurts. Next time, try holding on to your toy and saying, NO!" Even kids who aren't yet verbal usually have this word in their repetoire and know what it means. I also kept a teether around at this time and offered to DS with this, "If you feel like you want to bite something when you're angry, you may bite this." When all was said and done, the phase lasted maybe six weeks, two months? I can't exactly remember but in the big picture, a short amount of time. *whew*

This is just a recap and I hope I'm not completely and totally redundant as I know you've probably heard/read all of this before, but I just wanted to let you know that I've been there and I feel for you.

The best to you and hang in there mom!

 

[captain optimism]

I saw this thread and thought, "oooh, so would I!" But ds is biting ME. So maybe I'll have to start another thread.

I did meet an old friendly acquaintance in town the other day and commented on the biting. I said, "I figure it will stop when he can talk." She laughed. Apparently her six year old still bites her sometimes. But not other children. So I guess that's a comfort.

 

[Britishmum]

Oh, this is close to my heart right now!!

Dd (22 months) has bitten her sister twice today, both times breaking the skin and leaving a bruise. She bit me twice yesterday, and once today. Sigh.

She went through this phase about 6 months ago but had stopped. Now it's a regular thing again. Thankfully she hasnt bitten anyone outside the family, but I feel so sad for dd#1, who gets upset but never retaliates. She is so hurt that her beloved sister would do this to her.

When dd#1 went through a biting phase (although nowhere near so badly as dd#2) I did the Sears suggestion and held her arm up to her mouth and asked her if she wanted to try it on herself and see how biting feels. I dont think she understood that it hurt. It worked on dd#1 instantly, but I think she was a bit older, plus she wasnt in the habit of biting several times a day. She put her teeth on her arm, realised it hurts, burst into tears, and never did it again.

As for dd#2, she knows it's wrong. She sometimes gives a cheeky grin before doing it. She is also very very verbal (talking at about a 3yr old level) so it is not lack of verbal skills. She does it sometimes when tired or frustrated, but sometimes just for the heck of it.

I'm not being much use here, am I? But I do commiserate, and hope that we get some good suggestions!! My family need protection from this toddling biting menace!!

 

[sadie_sabot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Embee . I delt with it by just being really consistent in my approach. Hopefully preventing DS from biting another child (I had good success with this by getting there "in time") and taking him out of the action. Giving him words for his emotions, "You are frustrated that Johnny took your toy away." Accepting his feelings, "It's OK to feel frustrated." But NOT accepting his actions, "But it's not OK to hit. Hitting hurts. Next time, try holding on to your toy and saying, NO!" Even kids who aren't yet verbal usually have this word in their repetoire and know what it means. I also kept a teether around at this time and offered to DS with this, "If you feel like you want to bite something when you're angry, you may bite this." When all was said and done, the phase lasted maybe six weeks, two months? I can't exactly remember but in the big picture, a short amount of time. *whew* !

that is more or less how we (me, dp, and dcp) are approaching it. It's hard to know that it may just take awhile. Fortunately, the other parents in my daycare co-op are pretty understanding. I had some difficulty with one mom of a bitten child, but that seems to be ok now.

One thing that has been bothering me, when i see dd about to chomp on someone, I try to intervene, and often if I am not in arm's reach, I yell. what I yell is usuall something like "dd, no, stop, don't bite so and so..." or whatever, but the point of it is to try to get her attention or startle her from her goal of teeth in arm or whatever. But it's yelling, and yelling is *not* in our toolbox! It's the only situation currently where I yell at her, and I'm wondering about it. does it make a situation worse? Does it scare her and the other kid? anyone have any thoughts on that? I'm not sure what else to do when I can't get my hand betwen her nouth and her target.

I am appreciating all of the support and commiseration.

 

[spatulagirl]

I was in the same situation as you about 1.5 years ago. DS bit and he bit hard. He bit when he was angry, scared, frustrated or was feeling any sord of angry or sad emotion. He is now 33 months and I am happy to say hasn't bit anyone in about five months.

We tried everything, and I mean everything, to get him to stop. From biting him back (we only did that once and it was awful!) to time outs to Tabasco sauce (this was DH's brainchild

) to GD. GD worked the best but he got kicked out of one daycare and we were lucky enough to find a wonderful lady who also worked with him with us. We also taught him to bite himself when he wanted to bite someone. This worked great.

Your DD WILL grow out of it. It just takes time and patience. It is frustrating because parents of non-biters just don't get it. To them it seems like it would be a simple solution. It isn't... it takes time. Just remember that

 

[sugarmoon]

this topic is why I came to this forum today

my ds is 22 mos and only bites, me, his 12 y.o. brother, and a 3 y.o. friend. He is not talking *at all* so I can't tell him to use words. I will try having him bite himself, or a biter, but he usually bites his friend b/c his friend (who is *very* verbal) takes his toy, pushes him, or is just dialouging about how "gus cannot play with that, I'm going to snatch it from him and take it away..."

I'm aware that biting is a huge emotional trigger for *me* b/c it revs up my anxiety about ds not talking, and it revs up my anxiety about having my kids so close (I have a 4 wk old ds as well), and not being able to give ds1 as much of my time, or the super close supervison that would be needed to prevent all biting.

I do try to remind myself that very verbal kids (my best friends dd, for one) can also be biters....

So, i guess I have done nothing but ranted on your thread, but I just wanted to chime in as another mom struggling w/ this...