would this be a custody violation?

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: every court is different, every judge is different, every situation is different. Can you contact your lawyer and have her/him look into it? Because it seems to me there is absolutely no way to know how any given judge would interpret any situation without actually finding out. Always a surprise. :

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Ask your lawyer, but I agree with this. If ex's parents don't have visitation rights then no, you are no in violation. Unless they routinely pick up your dd and bring her to her dad.

BTW- I was also tired of being blindsided by ex's parents so I put a quick end to that one. They'd call me up and ask if Owen could come visit. Being how I am I always agreed to it and drove him over. When I pulled into the drive I'd see ex's car there : I had a talk with his mom and told her that I don't give a rats butt if ex is going to be there- but I want to know about it ahead of time so I can tell ds. Ds does not do well with surprises. Seeing as I have 100% power over whether ex's parents even see ds, they were more than willing to let me know from now on.

Contact your state's version of Legal Aid, local bar association (Volunteer Lawyers Project), if there is a law school close by.

IMHO - your custody/visitation papers state (or at least in Ohio) that if a parent is 15 minutes late (could be 30 minutes don't have an order handy) to pick the child up, that the custodial parent is free to leave.

As for the grandparents - well, they can sue for grandparent visitation.

As for your EX - umm..if he was in the hospital, how was he supposed to exercise his visitation. Also, if they want to push the matter, when it comes to going to Court over Violation of a Court Order, well, you can always Subpoena his medical records for the date(s) in question. If his attorney (or grandparents) try to quash the request, you can prove that there is a valid reason for needing to get/obtain those medical reports. 1) It backs up your position that he was not available to exercise his visitation; 2) You suspect drug abuse caused this and being a good parent, you don't want to expose your child to any drug issues.

If you really want to push the matter, next time the child is visiting and you find out anything about something like this, have the police check on the well being of your child while s/he is visiting. Explain you have reason to suspect he is abusing drugs and were threatened/bullied into letting him/her go on visitation.

Lastly, I would advise that from now on all drop off/pick up be at the local police station. This way, if there is an issue (ie he didn't show up or looks stoned/drunk) you can file a report right away. I would send him a letter, via certified mail stating that from now on, you will be at XYZ Police Station, with it is address/location at the stated time in the papers for drop off/pick up; that if HE fails to appear to pick up the child after X mins (amount stated in the Order of Custody/Visitation) then he has forfitted his visitation and you will leave with the child after making an informational police report regarding the matter.

I do not wish to deny dd her grandparents. I have on several occasions driven 3 hours (round trip) for her to spend the weekend with them. I thought that we were on ok (not great) terms and did not expect this from his mother. This behavior from her has increased lately. She has called me and yelled at me over exdh visitation (he told her that I said he could not see dd during the summer but I had actually given him the dates we would be out of town and had been trying to get dates for dd to visit him during the summer. And he never gave the dates.) I believe that her behavior stems from the fact that he and gf hid pregnancy for 8 mths. The baby was born 2 weeks ago. (see previous post). I feel that I have bent over backwards for years to encourage their relationship only to be blindsided this weekend. Until this erratic behavior began, I would have preferred dd to spend time with them instead of exdh. They continue to put their sons needs and wishes above dd's. Was it truly necessary for dd to be there immediately after exdh was released from the ER with an undetermined illness?