[middlemamma]

I am trying to be positive and fair about this but my feelings are hurt and Im not sure I have a good reason for them to be.<br><br>
In a convo with hubby on friday night he admitted that he doesn't really think he can watch the baby be born. He said he'd rather be up by my head supportive from there. He said he doesn't think he can handle watching.<br><br>
Please keep in mind I have THE most sensitive hubby. He is VERY loving and attentive. We often joke that he is the female of the relationship. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> We will be having a home birth and over the months I have talked about him possibly catching the baby and him seeing her be born, and he has never admitted till this past Friday that he doesn't hink he can watch let alone catch her. I feel hurt but I didn't tell him. I feel like I want to share this with him so much but hes going to miss the best part! But I didn't tell him any of this I didn't want to cry or make him think I was mad. I just don't know what to feel or think. I don't want him to miss his daughters birth.<br><br>
Anyone experience this or have words of wisdom?<br><br>
Jennie<br>
Middle Mamma

 

[Parthenia]

So his job will be to be your support.<br>
I wouldn't be hurt by this. He's being honest with you about his abilities. Some people can't stomach it. Childbirth is beautiful, messy, bloody, and for some--even the spectators, traumatic.<br><br>
I wanted dh to cut the cord, but he didn't want to. He had cut the cord when his younger sister was born, and was forever left with the impression of cutting something with the consistency of a finger. He didn't cut the cord the first time, and says he won't cut it this time.<br><br>
He was a wonderful support person (he watched, and I was surprised), and I think your dh will be, too.

 

[Simply Nurtured]

Mine was like that, and he was the best support person in the world. No, he did not want to cut the cord, but he wanted to do everything he could to support and help me. Of the families I have helped, there have only been a few dads who were not at the mamas side...<br><br>
It will work out fine, have faith. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[HelloKitty]

Like the others said, try not to be hurt by this - it's good that he is being honest with you and that he is dicussing this now. It's probably been weighing heavily on him for awhile now. Birth can be beautiful but it is messy and bloody and some people can't handle that, and that's OK. I know you are disappointed but he will not be missing the birth - he will be right there with you, giving you support and encouragement and he will be experiencing the birth with you, just not like you had imagined <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Kitty

 

[mehndi mama]

While not the same issue, with my last birth I had been planning on having my best male friend there with us for the birth. Right at about a month before I was due, DH finally admitted that he wasn't comfortable with having him there with us. Now there are a lot of things that my DH will do for my sake, so if he is concerned enough to acyually SAY something about it, you had better bet it's pretty important! So we didn't have my friend come to the birth. I figure it's better to have a comfortable, supportive, 100% THERE DH than to have him do things that *I* want him to. Mine likes to catch babies, but doesn't like others around. Yours will be terriffic up there by your head, telling you how wonderful & beautiful you are while you push out that little one of yours <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">

 

[lillaurensmomma]

My husband said the same thing before the birth of dd#1. He started out by my head...but didn't stay there<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Afterwards he said he just couldn't stand it, he had to see what was going on and after he did he realized that it was just amazing! He wasn't going to cut the cord either but the nurse handed him the scissors and he did it without a word. I think he was in awe of the whole experience. I can respect a man not wanting to see it all...but he did better than he thought!<br><br><br>
Maybe your partner will make the same choice. If not, he'll still be there for the birth and to support you and that's what matters!<br><br>
j

 

[Free Thinker]

Count me as another one w/ a DH who was terrified of what happened "down there" when the baby was actually being born. All it took was a nurse saying "SHe's got a headful of hair" (that you can only see when pushing) for him to be right down there watching. He is very squeemish, and has passed out at the sight of blood before. I think you need to hear you DH on this one, and give him the option. I told DH ahead of time that if he needed to he could leave the room, or step into the bathroom. I would prefer for him to stay w/ me, but if he couldn't do it, then that was his decision. After it was all said and done, he is glad he was there, but will not be watching any after the baby is actually born, and all the rest of the stuff comes out! That was too much for him, and he just gets to look at the baby, and keep her company <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[kavamamakava]

I'm sorry. You must feel like he's rejecting your body <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br>
What is he worried he will see? BLOOOOOOOOOD? hehe. Has he seen a home birth before?There is generally a lot less blood at home births. I bet he'll change his mind once the baby starts crowning and he gets really curious and impatient and wants to see his baby <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">

 

[ekblad9]

Well, at least he wants to support you. My dh watches the babies comes out and is frankly no support during labor or after the baby is born. I can understand you wanting him to be able to watch and maybe he'll change his mind during labor. Good luck! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[Childishgoth]

My hubby said the exact same thing to me and even while i was in labor he said it again. then as active labor started to happen he some how kept getting closer and closer to my feet, the next thing i knew he was helping put the baby on me and cutting the cord.<br><br>
hehehe, things change once the magic starts to happen

 

[milk_maker]

That's about what my DH says. He even has a part of him that doesn't want to be there. Not because he doesn't want to deal with it, but because he doesn't want to see me in pain and have to deal with not being able to do anything about it. As for the whole looking down there thing...I kind of don't want him down there either. I've seen enough videos to know what it looks like and it isn't very pretty...I'm kind of worried that he'll never want me again or think of me the same way. Plus I don't want him to pass out...this is the man who almost passed out after I got my wisdom teeth cut out because I was drooling blood into an empty poweraid bottle.

 

[um_hanna]

my dh isnt even wanting to be in the room...we have totally different cultures though..he is egyptian and men hang w/ the men and women w/ the women....he has put his hand on my belly a couple of times w/ out me asking <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> but most of the time im asking lol...i was really hurt in the beginning because of the expectations i was having, but everyone is different...my mw also helped explain it to me...some are hands on some arent..if he is there in his 'comfort' level take it for that...and if he needs his space as you will take it...it will all work out the way it is meant to...honestly i dont want to see the head come out so that part i agree w/ <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> k...good luck and postive labor vibes sending your way<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
Heather

 

[shannon0218]

Jennie, I'd try not to be hurt by it (but I completely understand why you would feel that way)<br>
I know that my dh likely couldn't handle it either (so does my OB) I'm having a section and my OB has agreed to no drape up at my head so I can see her coming out--my OB's answer was "Ok, no drape and a chair for Steve" I think he will be much better than he thinks he will be, I think the excitement will take over (Ok, I hope the excitement will take over!!) and he'll be right there like a dirty shirt, but I know that if I pressure him now, he'll just get more and more scared.<br>
Alot of men are just so scared by this process, that we would go through all this pain willingly, that they can't stop the pain for us, etc, etc.<br>
Oh and we often refer to my dh as the girl in the relationship too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:

 

[Free Thinker]

Hey, I wanted to comment on the pain part, too! My DH did NOT want to see me in pain, and when I went from a 2 to a 6 in a few hours (major pain!) it made me sick, and I threw up everywhere <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">: My DH about PANICKED!!!! He was yelling to the nurses "What's wrong w/ her, what's wrong w/ her!!!" One nurse looked him in the eye, said, "She is in pain" (I didn't holler or anything, just focused on breathing) then she pulled him over, and told him to hold my shoulders, and make sure I was taking deep breaths ( I wasn't getting enough oxygen b/c my hands and feet were tingling). He did just fine taking instructions :LOL I doubt he even remembers, but I remember hearing the panick in his voice. IT's scary to see the one you love go thru something, and know there isn't much you can do to keep the pain away. Give him some breathing room, and I'll bet he will do just fine when the actual labor happens. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[Jane]

Maybe just him knowing that he doesn't have to will put his mind at ease and let him not worry about his "performance" at the big moment.<br>
(I'm not pg, I came here from new posts, hope that's okay) But my husband said the same thing to me. It stung for about 6 months before I realized that we'd both be better off if I asked him to do things he's good at and found someone else to do things he doesn't want to do. It's not hard to find a midwife to catch, but it might be hard to find a good husband to support me.

 

[middlemamma]

I think all of you are right, and I am glad I didn't really say anything negative to him or get mad. I knew there was a better way to handle it.<br><br>
I know the pain thing and not wanting to see me in pain is a thing for him too he has said so. He keeps telling me he can't even gut a stupid deer without puking how is he going to watch this? lol...I keep reassuring him hes not going to have to "gut me". LOL.<br><br>
We had our first birthing class last night and I am hoping that will help. My midwife is very sensitive to the men and their fears it seems, so maybe she will help too. Ithink I'll just see what happens, I know nagging won't help...so I won't bother I just hope it works out for the best. Thank you all for your words and kindness.<br><br>
Jennie<br>
Middle Mamma

 

[newlife]

My fiance will have a hard enough time just being in the room. Not only, does he geta sick feeling when we talk about a baby being delivered, he is also very sensetive, and basically feels my pain. When I am hurt, he gets upset. So whether or not he actually sees our son, come out, catch him, or evn cut the cord, doesn't matter as long as he is there. I know that will be hard enough for him.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>middlemamma</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am trying to be positive and fair about this but my feelings are hurt and Im not sure I have a good reason for them to be.<br><br>
In a convo with hubby on friday night he admitted that he doesn't really think he can watch the baby be born. He said he'd rather be up by my head supportive from there. He said he doesn't think he can handle watching.<br><br>
Please keep in mind I have THE most sensitive hubby. He is VERY loving and attentive. We often joke that he is the female of the relationship. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> We will be having a home birth and over the months I have talked about him possibly catching the baby and him seeing her be born, and he has never admitted till this past Friday that he doesn't hink he can watch let alone catch her. I feel hurt but I didn't tell him. I feel like I want to share this with him so much but hes going to miss the best part! But I didn't tell him any of this I didn't want to cry or make him think I was mad. I just don't know what to feel or think. I don't want him to miss his daughters birth.<br><br>
Anyone experience this or have words of wisdom?<br><br>
Jennie<br>
Middle Mamma</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>

 

[Periwinkle]

Jumping in late but wanted to echo that it sounds like your dh is a great guy, and I wouldn't be hurt at all. Have him focus on supporting YOU during labor and let your midwife etc. focus on delivering the baby. Taking a Bradley class might be a great way to teach him how to be supportive and focus on you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[justmama]

Actually I'm right there with you on this and I AM hurt by it. I try not to be. I try to tell myself that some people just cannot handle blood and birth and it's okay as long as he is there and supportive. But he worded it all wrong when he said it. He said that if he had to see our daughter coming out of my vagina, he would never put his mouth there again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Give me a break! What does he think comes out when I get my period? It's pretty gross too!!!! He also refuses to cut the cord. Honestly I AM sorta hurt by this. I know how you feel. As a previous poster put it, I feel like he's rejecting my body. I really feel like I should be ashamed to be birthing a child and I should be hiding the gory details because it's gross instead of celebrating the wonderful, beautiful miracle it is. BUT. . . .if standing at my head supporting me is all he can handle, well it's his loss. I love my husband and I am going to try to slowly(okay, not so slowly, I'm 7 weeks from my due date!) desensitize him to birth so maybe he'll at least glance down to see her crown. I will definitely ask for a mirror so I can see my daughter crowning and see her head and body as soon as they come out. I'm sending you big hugs. I'm right there in this boat with you.<br>
Meg