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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For three days now my 6 yr old dd has lost things (which is very unusual for her) and I'm starting to wonder if her things are really being taken.<br><br>
A little background info (why I am worried): K has been bullied lately. The other girls (2 of them) have been picking on her since their last target switched out of the class (and, if it makes a difference, K and the other girl who was picked on are the only white kids in their class). Also, the teacher is completely unwilling to deal with this (or any other issues that arise for that matter). We were told that she talked to the girls and that nothing was going on even though K continues to tell us about namecalling, cutting in line, making K move to the back of the line, soap being put on K's clothing in the bathrooms, pinching, et cetera. I have talked to one girl and my partner has talked to the other. No progress.. We have also heard about violence from other parents in the school (threats, knives, hitting, pushing, kicking) and I am starting to get scared at this point. K doesn't want to switch schools or classrooms and my partner isn't supportive of just aking her out. Beside the lack of support, we would have no way to get her to another school (no car and we both work early so transportation would be an issue) and homeschooling didn't work for K- a very social kid.<br><br>
Now, things are coming up missing around lunch time... First, her food was gone from her lunch box (sometime after lunch, whatever was left- crackers, sandwich, trail mix). Then her new coat diasppeared (from what she can remember, it was hanging up after recess but wasn't there when it was time to go home). And today, her $17 lunch box disappeared (during recess, after everyone else got their things together).<br><br>
So, wth? Is she just loosing her things or do you think I have reason to be suspicious? I do understand that stuff can randomly get lost but this seems a little too strange to me. What should I do? Nothing has turned up in lost and found either.. Thank you for any advice/thoughts..<br><br><br><br>
Sara<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Peace.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Peace">, Partner to Tim<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guitar.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guitar">, Mama to Katie<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biggrinbounce.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bgbounce">- 6, Sophia<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">-3, Soren<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/stork-suprise.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stork Suprise">:- edd 2/12/08, and 3<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/cat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cat">:<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/treehugger.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Treehugger">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goorganic.jpg" style="border:0px solid;" title="go organic">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/lactivist.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Lactivist">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/novaxnocirc.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Novaxnocirc">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/uc.jpg" style="border:0px solid;" title=":uc">
 

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totally suspicious.<br><br>
I'd be seriously considering pulling a child out of a school that is unable to deal with bullying - the longer it lasts the more impact on her poor little sweet self!
 

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I didn't want to read and not reply but I don't have much advice. I feel badly for your DD. Maybe she doesn't want to switch classrooms b/c the girls threatend her if she does. Maybe they told her something about switching and she is afraid.<br>
this bullying sounds terrible and I would definetly be suspicious of the missing stuff.<br>
I want to say, "I would pull my DD out immediately" but I can't tell you to do that b/c what's left for you?<br>
I don't know.
 

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This situation sounds frightening to me. If you have already spoken to the teacher and not gotten a satisfactory response then I would suggest talking to the principal or vice-principal. I would focus more on the bullying than the missing items because, while I would be very suspicious, you don't know for sure that the items were not just lost whereas you know your child is being bullied. Another option would be to talk to the guidance counselor. It sounds like a lot of the bullying is happening outside the classroom so it makes sense to talk to someone other than the teacher anyway. The school has a responsibility to address this issue.<br><br>
Good luck and <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to your dd.
 

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I had stuff stolen when I was in the 7th grade. I was being bullied at the time. My good friend and his older brother were the only 2 white kids at their school and they were bullied terribly. It was so awful for my friend that he started self mutilating and they weren't allowed to change schools until his older brother was stabbed while at school. Their parents begged and pleaded and tried their best to get the bullying problem addressed but it persisted until the aforementioned stabbing. Fast forward 30 something years and my friend's daughters ended up in the same situation at school. His youngest DD who is 6 was knocked down in class and dry humped by a classmate while the teacher looked on. She had scratches on her arms from trying to get the boy off. The teacher was slow to react but finally pulled the boy off. The oldest DD, 14, who is shy was getting alot of unwanted attention from the boys in her class - taunting and harrassment. He pulled his kids out of the schools immediately following the humping incident. If the bullying is as bad as what my friend and his DD's have experienced, it won't get better. IMO you should find a solution that doesn't involve wasting anymore of your time talking to the teachers and school principal. What is it going to take before you decide your DD won't go back? I would take her out of that school before anything worse can happen but that's just my .02.
 

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I would pull her out immediately. Find a different school or.....<br>
There are ways to be very social and homeschool. They have alot of homeschool groups out there as well as after school activites; ballet, tennis, soccer....ect.<br><br>
My sister was teased to no end while at public school. My mom got tired of allt he bs that was going on in general and pulled us out. Oh my gosh, how much happier we were. My sister just blossomed.
 

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I agree it sounds suspicious, and it's awful that the school is turning a blind eye to this. I agree with pp who suggested to knock it up to the principal, and then to the superintendent. Another suggestion -- would any of the other parents who have talked about this behavior be willing to approach the school collectively, if they aren't willing to listen to you alone? I hope you can work something out.
 

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It really sounds like things are being stolen, not lost. You don't "lose" the food from your lunchbox, yknow? Best of luck with this, it sounds pretty hard for both of you. I'd try a different school if at all possible, or homeschool.
 

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I would try to go higher up before you take her out completly. Sounds like you really aren't in a situation to change schools, or start HSing- but you cannot allow your DD to be abused at school. She has to feel safe, and be safe. IF the teacher isn't going to do something go to the councelor, the vice-principal, the principal, the school board keep yelling and advocating for your child's safetly! DOn't allow this to continue!!! And I'm sorry, but if she is having this much trouble how much is she learning? Try to get her switched to another class, she will adapt!
 

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Before having kids I was a public school teacher. I'm a big fan of public schools in general. I plan to go back to teaching public school when my kids are older.<br><br>
My advice: pull your kid out of that class, and maybe out of that school.<br><br>
Schools develope a culture that's supported by the teachers, administrators, and parents. You can't change the school culture all on your own. You either need to find a way to change the school school culture (read: major energy, networking, nonviolent resistance, etc, etc, etc), or I think you need to get your daughter out of that dangerous environment. Bullying needs to stop immediately in and outside the classroom, and this needs to be supported by every adult inside and outside the school.<br><br>
I am sorry you and your daughter are having to deal with this! A school is supposed to be part of your family's circle of support, and that is just not happening. Your daughter is learning from you- when bad things happen, do adults protect her? I have had to make hard choices recently in my own life to protect my kids, and I know how much it sucks. Parenting is hard!
 

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My DS has been bullied twice this year, in two completely unrelated incidents. In both incidents, nothing nearly as serious as what you are describing happened. One incident lasted a week and the other, two weeks. Our school was very quick to react - most of the time it took was for DS to tell me what was bothering him at school, as he has a hard time expressing his emotions. As soon as I found out, I kept him home and told the school that he would not be returning until the issue was addressed. Both times they were right on it and my DS missed no more than one day of school each time. If they didn't react or do anything, I would have pulled him out of there in a blink of an eye.<br><br>
From the sounds of it, the admin in your DD's school doesn't have a plan for dealing with bullying nor do they even seem to take your concerns seriously. I would pull your DD out until you can talk to the principal and see what he has to say. If nothing happens still, then I would pull her out. If you and your partner both work, homeschooling may be difficult but I think that whatever your DD is going to go through in this school is going to be 100 times worse. Sometimes we have to make tough choices and do things in a way we would have never expected - even if that means homeschooling or finding another school and arranging transportation or before/after-school care.<br><br>
Good luck. I hope that you can come to a quick and easy resolution for the sake of your DD.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thank you so much for all of the responses... I am with all of you on wanting to pull K out but I do feel like I need her dad's support. I broke down this morning crying because my partner feels like I am being too dramatic (which, although I am emotional about it, I do think that there is a really big problem that needs to be addressed). My intuition has been telling me that this is not the place for her all year, even without the bullying, but now I am literally a basketcase when it comes to her going there. Also, K is very emotional when it comes to change so of course she wants to stay where she's at, but she does adapt very well so I feel like even though a change would be tough at first she will do better in the long run. Thank you again for the support. All of your thoughts are exactly what I needed to hear in order to have more confidence in how I feel (that this school is the WRONG place for my child). Oh, I also wanted to add that although K is having problems with the bullies she is very well liked and popular among the other kids.. She does have a best friend in her class and she is coping well.. I am not, however.<br><br>
I'll update later.<br><br>
Sara
 

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OK totally suspicious to me. My dd is bullied at school, I'm trying to change schools at the moment, and can only recommend the same to you.
 

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I was bullied horribly in the fifth grade. There were 4 girls who ran that classroom and school with iron fists.<br><br>
They sent their peons to beat me up. The stole things and put them in my locker so I was accused of theft. No one from kindergarten up was allowed to speak to me let alone sit with me. Even when I ran into one of my classmates years later, they still wouldn't talk to me. They hadn't been able to grow out of the conditioning.<br><br>
The teacher did nothing. In fact, these girls would dictate whether the class would come back from recess or not and the teacher couldn't do anything about it because he'd long ago lost control.<br><br>
The principal did nothing when I went crying to him.<br><br>
My mother did nothing because I don't know why. I guess I wasn't a priority for her as she was too busy partying.<br><br>
I developed severe stomach pain from the stress. The whole situation had a profound impact on my personal development and I struggled with social relationships the rest of my school years. My relationship with my mother suffered as well because she hadn't defended me when I was vulnerable.<br><br>
Please do not allow your daughter to be bullied. At the very least let her see you standing up for her because if you don't show her she has value, how will she learn to value herself enough to not tolerate abusive relationships? There must absolutely be a counterpoint to the bullies that validates her worth and the school needs to get a clue and step up.<br><br>
V
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>vegemamato</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10314497"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">and homeschooling didn't work for K- a very social kid.<br></div>
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There are many ways to meet a kids social needs and right now it sounds like you need to address her safety before serious life long damage is done. HS'd kids tend to have over full social lives unlike PS'd kids who really don't get that much socialization at school like every one seems to think.
 

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Violet2 <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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