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Would you be offended>

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Discussion Starter #1
<p>I borrowed this idea from another thread, but changed it a bit. If you went to visit a new mom, how would this sign make you feel?</p>
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<p>If you have a fever, cough or any cold or flu symptoms, please come back when you feel well.</p>
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<p>At homebirths we mother the mother. Please do something helpful/useful while you are here. Sweep the floor, quietly do the dishes, wash a load of laundry,bring a meal, or take out the trash. But most importantly, limit your stay to 15 minutes<span style="display:none;"> </span></p>
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<p>then baby's info</p>
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<p><strong>eta: please note: I didn't write this note. I did not choose the homebirth wording, I understand that all moms need help. I just saw the sign in another thread and thought it was an interesting idea.....but had no intention of using it word for word.</strong></p>
 

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<p>Definitely not offended by the sickness part. I wouldn't want sick people visiting me and baby either. But teh second part... it almost sounds like ANY guests that come should do some kind of housework... That seems off to me....</p>
<p>Unless I misunderstand the sign. But then again, if I do, other's could too.</p>
 
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<p>all of those things should go without saying! however, we all know that some people seem to be oblivious of courteous things and i can see how one might feel compelled to remind them. i would not post that sign and i would feel a little odd being instructed by a sign to do something generous that i was already going to do...but whatever. i would not say it's offensive, but someone might find it a bit presumptuous and feel rather insulted.</p>
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<p>and also, regardless of where one births, it's great to help out a little and bring a meal or something along those lines. i don't particularly see how mentioning home birth is relevant.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>katiesk</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285182/would-you-be-offended-by-this-sign#post_16112529"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><br>
all of those things should go without saying! however, we all know that some people seem to be oblivious of courteous things and i can see how one might feel compelled to remind them. i would not post that sign and i would feel a little odd being instructed by a sign to do something generous that i was already going to do...but whatever. i would not say it's offensive, but someone might find it a bit presumptuous and feel rather insulted.</p>
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and also, regardless of where one births, it's great to help out a little and bring a meal or something along those lines. i don't particularly see how mentioning home birth is relevant.</p>
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What she said. I wouldn't be offended, but I'd think it a bit odd for all of the reasons above.<br><br>
And, I really appreciated any help or meals brought after my hospital c-sections.
 

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<p>Not offended, I wouldn't even get to see the sign if I were sick since I wouldn't be there, if I were healthy and visiting I would offer to do something to help the new mom.</p>
 

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<p>I'm not offended by it at all, however I can see how someone might in the second part as the culture generally doesn't support that anymore (no matter where you birth, once the baby is home) and its all about holding the baby with no regard to how the mom needs to heal and take it easy and will need help with a needy newborn taking up all her time.</p>
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<p>I'd love to see a shift so the sign isnt needed because most everyone knows/expects exactly that.</p>
 

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<p><br>
Yes to all below.  The first part, about being sick, I would understand, but the second part would rub me the wrong way.  Not only because it seems to assume that I have no manners, but also because there is an implication that mothers who don't home birth don't want or don't need to be "mothered" as well. </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
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<p>Originally Posted by <strong>katiesk</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285182/would-you-be-offended-by-this-sign#post_16112529"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></p>
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<p>i would not post that sign and i would feel a little odd being instructed by a sign to do something generous that i was already going to do...but whatever. i would not say it's offensive, but someone might find it a bit presumptuous and feel rather insulted.</p>
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<p>and also, regardless of where one births, it's great to help out a little and bring a meal or something along those lines. i don't particularly see how mentioning home birth is relevant.</p>
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<p>The part about sickness I have no issue with, but I can't imagine people would visit a newborn when they are sick.</p>
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<p>The second part reads to me like "Hey, after you do your chore you might get to see the baby, that is if you can get your work done in 15 minutes."  It is very off-putting. Personally, I would feel weird if anyone but my mom or sister started washing my dishes or doing my laundry.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>momtoS</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285182/would-you-be-offended-by-this-sign#post_16112410"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I borrowed this idea from another thread, but changed it a bit. If you went to visit a new mom, how would this sign make you feel?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>If you have a fever, cough or any cold or flu symptoms, please come back when you feel well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At homebirths we mother the mother. Please do something helpful/useful while you are here. Sweep the floor, quietly do the dishes, wash a load of laundry,bring a meal, or take out the trash. But most importantly, limit your stay to 15 minutes<span style="display:none;"> </span></p>
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<p>then baby's info</p>
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<p>The part about sickness is not offensive.</p>
<p>The second part is not really very nice on a sign. I think you should just say no visitors because it reads as "visitors are a bother" to me.<br>
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<p>I missed the second part before voting.Illness no,housekeeping yes.  I homebirth both my 9+ pound kids and was up and about soon after despite complications. I did have dh get me some fast food,but I never expected visitors to wash my dishes or anything.If I couldn't then dh would.</p>
 

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<p>I agree with everybody else - the first part is fine, but the other is just plain offensive. I think that I would be tempted to turn around and go home.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mattemma04</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285182/would-you-be-offended-by-this-sign#post_16112714"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I missed the second part before voting.Illness no,housekeeping yes.  I homebirth both my 9+ pound kids and was up and about soon after despite complications. I did have dh get me some fast food,but I never expected visitors to wash my dishes or anything.If I couldn't then dh would.</p>
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<br><br><p> When people offered to help after my first son was born, I asked them not to, beyond maybe making a cup of tea if I was holding baby. I just wanted to sit with them and talk. I went from working full time to taking care of a baby full time, and I felt isolated by that (none of my local friends had kids then). Having a nice talk with my friends while I nursed meant the world to me then. </p>
<p>I also don't feel comfortable with other people doing housework in my home, but that's my own issue.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #14
<p><strong>So...putting a sign regarding flu or cold is okay?</strong></p>
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<p><strong>But definitely no mention of a homebirth (understandable, every new mom deserves help, of course!)</strong></p>
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<p><strong>What about mentioning that the new mom needs rest and to limit visits to 30 minutes? OR what if there is something calling first?</strong></p>
 

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Are a ton of people expected to be dropping by unannounced? Couldn't the part about limiting the time of the visit just be spoken to the visitor in a phone call or when they arrive? They must know the mom personally, right, so why should manners go out the window? I think that's what rubs me the wrong way.<br><br>
Ah - I see an update. I wouldn't be offended by a sign asking to call first just like I wouldn't be offended by a sign asking me not to ring a doorbell because there is a sleeping baby in the house. I would, though, wonder why my-friend-the-mom wouldn't just tell me herself that she can only visit for a few minutes.
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>momtoS</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285182/would-you-be-offended-by-this-sign#post_16112818"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><strong>So...putting a sign regarding flu or cold is okay?</strong></p>
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<p><strong>But definitely no mention of a homebirth (understandable, every new mom deserves help, of course!)</strong></p>
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<p><strong>What about mentioning that the new mom needs rest and to limit visits to 30 minutes? OR what if there is something calling first?</strong></p>
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Why can't you just ask someone to leave if you have had enough? This just seems so... passive.</p>
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<p>I think the whole idea is somewhat off-putting. Do you have people in particular that you are worried about? Why not just talk with them personally.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>katiesk</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285182/would-you-be-offended-by-this-sign#post_16112529"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p> </p>
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<p>and also, regardless of where one births, it's great to help out a little and bring a meal or something along those lines. i don't particularly see how mentioning home birth is relevant.</p>
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This.  I answered "no" to the poll, but I would have answered "other" if it were available.  I find the insinuation that only homebirth moms deserve help really annoying, and I think  it's rude to *demand* that guests do housework for you.  The first part is sensible and not at all offensive.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Sharlla</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285182/would-you-be-offended-by-this-sign#post_16112636"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>honestly if I saw that on someone's door I would just turn around and go back home</p>
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<p>Yeah, me too.  And it would take me longer than 15 minutes to drive to anyone's house, so if I was only allowed to stay 15 minutes, I'd instead go to the store, grab a congratulations card, drop it in the mail, and see the baby when the baby's older.  The 2nd part of the sign is really quite rude.  Why not just say "mama and baby are not up for visitors until _____date____".   And seriously, that whole homebirth thing?  Way inappropriate.  So people with hospital births or c-sections don't deserve any help?  As a visitor, I'm not attending the homebirth...I'm visiting with the mom/baby *after* birth, and at that point, everyone's on equal playing field, no matter how they gave birth.<br><br>
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<p>Eh, I wouldn't be too offended.  Then again, I don't normally visit people when they have a super teeny newborn.  Just not my cup of tea really. </p>
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<p>If I was the one posting the sign, I <em>might</em> post saying to call first b/c were busy resting and getting to know the baby, and while we would love visitors its best if we know when they're coming.</p>
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<p>And if something needed to be done when a very good friend was visiting, such as taking out the trash, if they were on their way out the door, I might ask them to drop it in the can if they didn't mind.</p>
 
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