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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
your best friend smoked around your baby???<br><br>
She is trying to quit, I know, and she never has before, but she came over today to help out while I try to pump every 1-2 hrs & took the baby for a walk (in the stroller) & lit up as she was going down the driveway saying "I won't let it get on him" Whaaaaaaaaaat? I had to pump & really, while walking, she'll walk away from the smoke, yada yada yada. But then when we were all sitting outside on the porch after ( DS playing with us sitting in the stroller) she lit up again! She moved away from us, then away again, & then finaly out into the yard & put it out. She said "don't worry when I baby sit, I won't put smoking 1st." DUH!!!! I never even considered the idea, but of course people do. Now I wonder if I can have her baby sit, will she have to go outside & leave DS inthe swing or something for a quick drag???? I know it's an addictin, but that sh:t has got to go!<br><br>
How do I nicely tell her that ALL smoke around my baby is offensive & dangerous! Plus she had poison ivy on her *neck* (not broken open) but DS could have easily raked his sharp little nails across it! After she told me I didn't give him to her again & now I am wiping everthing down with Ttree solution & putting all the blankets in the wash, changed DS clothes & doused him with solution (as strong as I thought would be ok) too.<br><br>
What is up with people? Am I overreacting? Can anybody relate?
 

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I would be outraged. I'm very sensitive to cigarette smoke and have very strong feelings about smoke as a health hazard for both children and non-smoking adults. I wouldn't let someone who smokes babysit for me. But, I also don't generally socialize with people who smoke and refuse to patronize restaurants or bars where smoking is allowed.<br><br>
IME people who smoke don't seem to have any concept of how invasive the smoke is. They think if you're outside or a few feet away you just don't know it's there. I never cease to be amazed at people who think no one will be bothered by the smoke when they're standing right by an open door smoking. Of course the smoke gets inside!<br><br>
I'm sure your friend thought it wouldn't be a problem (to give her the benefit of doubt) but you have to think about your baby's health and be straight with her. No smoking while the baby is around.
 

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my BIL and SIL smoke around Veronica everytime we see them. You would think they would have some commen sense or compassion. thats when we are ove rtheir house and they open whatever windows they have, but still. why cant they just not do it for an hour or go outside. I know it is their house, but that is a dangerous situation when my baby is trapped in a small house with 2 smokers. she snores every night we come home from their house (we have only been over there 3 times since she was born, a year ago) and last time she magically had a terrible runny nose and mild cough that started the next day. (that could of been some teething too)<br><br>
that said, when I was 18-19 I smoked, alot, and smoked constantly around around my neice who was 2 at the time. but so did her father and whoever else was around. I remember when I first met my dh, driving in his 2 seater car with her in my lap (she was probably 2-3 or so) and both of us smoking. isnt that horrible????? we just didnt know it was that bad, and we didnt have a carseat, and us kids just sat on someones lap or in a seat when we were toddlers....sounds dumb, but we didnt know any better. so I think of that when I get mad at people who light up around her, and just take her away if I can or tell them to please hold off till later, if they can.<br><br>
I know what its like to be addicted to those damn things. I am so glad we gave it up before we started trying to have kids...we didnt want to be slaves to a stupid product anymore...and luckily we broke free....but I would leave my neice (a younger one, this was a few years later, I learned and didnt smoke around her) in the chair or swing and go out and have a smoke. terrible.<br>
I remember getting very crabby if I wanted a cig and she wasnt happy and wouldnt be happy laying or sitting or swinging.<br><br>
not the best situation. but I was younger, so maybe it was my youth that made me impatient added to my nic craving.
 

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You are in NO WAY overreacting!!! Not with all the evidence out there telling us how bad cigarrette smoke is for us! It's linked to SIDS, for the love of Pete!! It has Hydrogen Cyanide in it! That's what they use to kill people in the gas chamber!<br><br>
No one, and I mean NO ONE, not even my Dad, smokes in my house or around my baby. This is non-negotiable. I've had COUNTLESS people tell me that you can't understand what it's like to be a parent or to understand the whole 'mama bear' thing until you have your own babe. It's TOTALLY true! It's not your friend's fault, she just doesn't understand. How could she? She didn't give birth to your sweetie. We think differently as parents. That she could pass the poision ivy on to your babe probably just didn't occur to her. I'm sure it wasn't a malicious omission.<br><br>
This is where I would feel it was my job to educate her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">. Of course, this is just me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">. DH would just try to avoid the situation. I've had this conversation with friends before though. I'm very polite, but I say something like "Would you mind putting out the cigarette around DS? His lungs are too little to deal with the smoke." If they question me, or ask if I mind if they smoke, I say "Yes, I"m sorry, I do mind" and explain that I didn't smoke while I was pregnant, I don't take him to smokey places and I'd like to limit his exposure to smoke as it's been linked to asthma, and SIDS.<br><br>
If she understands that you feel very strongly about this, and she is your friend, I'm sure she'll accomodate you.
 

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wanted to add that I agree with the both the other posters, and that smoke now smells horrible to me, and even in the non-smoking section of a resturant, it comes over somehow and just sickens me. it smells like char and death to me.<br><br>
it sounds like in my previous post I am condoning or making excuses for smokers, and I am not in any way. I just wanted to say that maybe they really dont know that it is that bad. most of us today had many relatives who smoked around us when we were little. so the only way they know is to tell them.<br><br>
and we dont allow smoke in our home, either, or car...It lingers and the nasty stuff sticks to cloths and everything, long after the cig is put out...very dangerous stuff.<br><br>
you have to protect your child and the only way is to tell them.<br><br>
I also would not want a chronic or chain smoker type person watch my dd, not only would she have to smell that, but the need for a cig may effect how they care for her....I know, I've been there. you are constantly 'unde rthe influence' of that.
 

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No one should be smoking anywhere near babies and children!!! And I personally would not accept that woman's help again. I understand her intentions are good, but it isn't worth the risk to your baby.<br><br>
As far as the poison ivy -- as long as she has showered since she contracted it to get the actual plant juice off her body -- then the infection itself is not contagious. Its just not contracted that way.
 

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You're totally justified. And I would never let someone who smokes babysit unless it was a totally, unavoidable serious emergency situation. (Like, ummm, I, uh, well, no, I can't think of one.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: ) The smoke clings to their clothes and smells nasty. And, frequently, smokers spray lots of air fresheners around to try and make it "palatable" to people like me. Well, those are nasty, too.<br><br>
And don't make excuses for her..."I know it's an addiction..." She chose to start doing something so obviously addictive. She made a stupid choice and you don't have to accept that around you or your child.
 

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Because the 'plant juice' that causes poison ivy is an oil, you have to wash REALLY thouorghly to get rid of it. A shower should probably do it tho.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
yeah, it is a bummer bcz she is my best friend & has always been really consientious of her smoking to not bother people. Before I had a kid it just wasnt such a big deal, KWIM? She was great when I was pregnant & has been so helpful. She would never smoke in my house or car, ever.It's wierd how smokers think that bcz they are outside, the smoke doesn't bother. Wrong.<br><br>
About the poison ivy, she was aware ahe didn't want Griffin to get it, kept a drool rag over it & put it in the laundry before she left. SHe said that since the blisters wern't open, it wouldn't spread. Thing is, she doesn't know how easy it is for a baby to rake his razor sharp litte nails over you, I know.<br><br>
I think I'm gonne have a serious talk with her about the babysitting, bcz I was all set to have her watch him about a couple hours while we go out for dinner on our wedding anniversary. I'm going to tell her that we can't ask her & tell her why. SHe knows well how strong an addiction it is & maybe this consequence will help her, as she is, literally, always trying to quit.<br><br>
thanks for all the thoughtful responses! Maria
 

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My dh's best friend (was the best man in our wedding) smokes even though he's a pharmacist! And he spends the weekend here probably once a month and we've established very set defined rules. Our boys can't see him smoke or even see the package, he can't hold them after he smokes until he showers (I don't want them associating comfort, snuggles or anything peaceful with that smell) And he has to take all of his cig butts out to the trash (outside) before he leaves. We do have an ashtray for him on the back deck, but if the boys find a butt in it he's no longer begrudged indulging his habit here. And he's been fine ever since I stopped harping and set clear concise limits.
 

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Babies can also be at increased risk of SIDS after being around smoke (but I'm not sure how MUCH smoke), so...something else to tell her.<br><br>
Good luck!<br><br>
Mel
 

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I'll take a different stance, instead of being outraged with her for not understanding intuitively how much this makes you uncomfortable you could bring it up in a friendly way such as<br><br>
"I know it's tough for you, but I'm really uncomfortable with any smoking around the baby, I've just read so much about cigarettes and babies "insert facts here".<br><br>
If you wouldn't mind please don't smoke anywhere near him, as a smoker you probably don't realize how far the smell of smoke travels" etc.<br><br>
"it has nothing to do with you, it's jsut my mother instincts kicking in"<br><br>
If she has been accomodating in the past as you suggest, I bet she would be again.<br><br>
Just set some ground rules for babysitting and assure you you trust that she will respect them. maybe something like, only smoke if the baby is sleeping, and please step outside for a minute, bring the monitor. If you have a porch she could step out and leave the baby playing inside, in sight from a window or front door. She's only be a few feet away but there would be a door between him and the smoke and smoking only takes two or three minutes.<br><br>
I jsut think if she's a good friend and a good person you trust you could totally reach an acceptable compromise. A smoking friend of mine watches my son for two hours on Fridays and just doesn't smoke for those two hours. She will understand I'm sure
 

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We had to tell both sets of parents not to smoke around Owen. All of my SIL's let MIL hold their kids with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grossedout.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="gross"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> and :puke They respect our wishes and don't smoke around him even at their house (cause I was very blunt about not ever bringing him there if they did), but I still come home reeking with smoke just from what's left on all their furniture/walls, etc. :puke again. I won't go their often because of it (and other issues but that's a whole other story). My Dad is very conscientious about it and their house is cleaner, but it was still a discussion we had to have. I was hoping it would prompt him to quit, but no such luck...<br><br>
I would be outraged, and very honest about how it made me feel and the risk to my baby. I wouldn't accept help from her again unless your are confident she is going to respect your wishes.
 

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I would definitely be outraged.<br><br>
Truthfully, I don't think I could have a best friend that smoked cigarettes at all, let alone around my babies. The smell that gets left on people's clothes/hands makes me feel sick.<br><br>
Dp and I were just talking about how we unconsciously glare <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> at people who are smoking on the street when we walk by with our babies.<br><br>
Seeing a mom/caregiver smoking a cigarette with a baby in a stroller always makes me want to cry.<br><br>
Lex
 

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You may want your5 friend to get the info you have to ubderstand your concern. Dr. Sear's website has good info: 4Ways Smoking Increases the Risk of SIDS<br><br><a href="http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t105800.asp#T105802" target="_blank">http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t105800.asp#T105802</a><br><br>
Good Luck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> The transition to motherhood can be diff for friendships - at least yhat's what I'm experiencing. My biggest smoking concern is w/ a good friend's fiance. She's a neonatal icu nurse and smokes like a chimney. This really bothers me now that I know how harmkful it can be - she smokes on her breaks and goes back and holds those tiny babies w/ smoke on her clothes and in her hair!!!!!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"> Plus b/c she LOVES BABIES she always wants to hold my ds. I didn't realize at first hyow bad it was. but now I'm avoiding her, but will have to eventually deal w3/ it. It's just ging to be tough b/c as a baby nurse - I'm worried there may be some "I know more thasn you do and you're over-reacting" KWIM? Oh well, I'd rather annoy her than harm my ds - I sound stronger bthan I really am. It's going to be uncomfortaqble.<br><br>
sorry for the typos - I'm one=handed now
 

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Hi Maria!<br><br>
I have one very good friend who smokes that I still hang out with.<br>
1)She never smokes in her house or ours.<br>
2)She will go out into the front yard to smoke if we are playing in the backyard with the kids or vice versa.<br>
3) She won't smoke the entire time she watches ANY kid because it means they will be out of her line of site.<br><br>
Could you approach it from an medical standpoint? Some people will listen if the word DOCTOR is involved.<br>
"The MD said NO smoke around the baby because...."<br><br>
Hope you work something out.<br>
Anna
 

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I have rules. No smoking in my home. No smoking in my car. No smoking in YOUR home or car when we visit. No going to resturaunts that have a smoking section. Smoking sections don't work.<br><br>
When you come inside from smoking you must wash your hands. When you go outside to smoke you must wear a hat and coat. EVEN IN THE SUMMER. You must walk far far away if we are all outside if you are going to smoke. Everyone knows my rules and abide by them.<br><br>
No one has ever argued with my rules because it is common sence that smoking is not good for anyone and to subject children at any age to smoking is unacceptable.<br><br>
Stand your ground. Your doing the right thing. Your little one is too small to make her own decisions so you have to make the best ones for her.<br><br>
When your friend babysits I'm sure she can hold off smoking until you return. If she has to, she can even buy and chew nic-gum to hold off cravings.
 

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I tried to tell my SIL and a couple friends the same thing about smoking outside around the baby. They were quick to point out that we ( dh and I) like to take the baby camping or have bonfires outside in the backyard plus I build campfires everyday at work and come home and bf the baby. She can't wait for me to shower! So I had to give in on this one but I never ever allow smoking in my home no exceptions.
 

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I don't think smoke from campfires is the same as cigarette smoke (unless you burn plstic and garbage like magazines, etc.) Cigarette smoke is filled w/ chemicals and toxins. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grossedout.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="gross">
 
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