[Onemagicmummy]

we are having a few bank problems. we canceled a direct debit because we knew we dint have funds on the day it was due out but would a few days later. so canceled, a few days later we paid by debit card. that was the 9th. also got £40 out cash machine.

on the 14th he notice some bank charges went out, ok fine.
the card payment was still showing as paid

on the 15th we looked again and saw an additional charge for a garunteed cardpayment fee. we are disputing this with the bank as the cardpayment is showing as paid both on te 9th via online banking and at the recipiants system (tv payment)

now today i look and a cheque i was waiting 3 weeks on has cleared. if we dont get £33 in by close of business tonight we will get another £25 charge. ok panic. we agree to take our Nintendo Wii in to sell to a games shop, it should be enought. DH then suggests a payday advance loan, i said no, imnot happy with that idea for reasons i have told him before
1) our credit sucks i do not want any more credit untill we have paid off what we have and try to repair our rating
2) the interest on those is sky high
3) we already agreed on selling the Wii

so i said no, ok. 2 hours later he asks again.
i flip out. i admit i was angry about other stuff (the kids have driven me batty, not listening, not doing as asked, ignoreing me etc)
i told him to sod off and do what the hell he wanted.

he has gotten the loan.

a loan we dont NEED
a loan i didnt want
a loan that will affect next months income
IN A JOB HE MAY NOT HAVE COME MONDAY!!

i am pretty angry, maybe more so that i should be as im weeks pregnant, hormonal, pissed off, tired, in pain, and sick and tired on not being listenend to and aving to yell and scream to be heard by anyone. its my birthday tomorrow and i was more than prepared to put off celebrations till next week when we have a bit more money. i swear if he buys me anything with the loan money im gonna take it back, i dont want it. i would rather skip this year altogether than have him get me something with that loan.

would you be angry?

what do i do now?

Kiz

 

[RainRaven]

yes I would be very angry.

 

[CaliMommie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Onemagicmummy i told him to sod off and do what the hell he wanted.

Sorry, but you did tell him to do what he wanted. I know it was said out of anger, but he did what he felt needed to be done. All you can do now is pay back the loan when it comes due.

I know how frustrating money disagreements can be.

 

[pauletoy]

The whole situation sounds frustrating but you did tell to do what the wanted to do. So no, I wouldn't be angry about the loan but I would be frustrated by circumstances

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaliMommie Sorry, but you did tell him to do what he wanted. I know it was said out of anger, but he did what he felt needed to be done. All you can do now is pay back the loan when it comes due. I know how frustrating money disagreements can be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pauletoy The whole situation sounds frustrating but you did tell to do what the wanted to do. So no, I wouldn't be angry about the loan but I would be frustrated by circumstances

I honestly don't know anybody who would take "sod off and do what you want" as meaning "do what you want". When someone says that, they're on the ragged edge of frustration, and I think most people know that. Her dh knew she didn't want him to do it.

Yeah - I'd be angry. Mind you, I also have a very bad history with financial problems caused by my ex, so take my opinion for what it's worth.

 

[NewDirections]

Yes, I'd be angry

I'm sorry this happened

 

[2cutiekitties]

Yes I would be angry, but more angry to sell the Wii. Isnt that a huge loss financially?

 

[lanamommyphd07]

ya. angry.

 

[choli]

I'd be more angry if I was the one told to "Sod off and do what the hell I want".

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties Yes I would be angry, but more angry to sell the Wii. Isnt that a huge loss financially?

Yeah. I was thinking about that, too. I find it really worrisome when people are selling assets at a big loss to make ends meet...not a good sign.

 

[Liquesce]

Quote:

Originally Posted by choli I'd be more angry if I was the one told to "Sod off and do what the hell I want".

This. And that anger would be the biggest catalyst for me following through on just doing what I wanted. I'm not perfect -- therefore I'm not big on being disrespected but maintaining perfect respect for someone else's feelings myself.

If I said something like that to my partner and he did something other than what I wanted, I wouldn't be angry at anyone but the situation and myself for escalating it.

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liquesce This. And that anger would be the biggest catalyst for me following through on just doing what I wanted. I'm not perfect -- therefore I'm not big on being disrespected but maintaining perfect respect for someone else's feelings myself. If I said something like that to my partner and he did something other than what I wanted, I wouldn't be angry at anyone but the situation and myself for escalating it.

I agree. OTOH, she and her partner had already talked it out and it sounds like he seemed okay with not getting the loan. Then, he asked again. That sound a lot like using the "nag factor" against your partner. It sounds as though there's a fair amount of disrespect to go around on this one.

 

[Liquesce]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride I agree. OTOH, she and her partner had already talked it out and it sounds like he seemed okay with not getting the loan. Then, he asked again. That sound a lot like using the "nag factor" against your partner. It sounds as though there's a fair amount of disrespect to go around on this one.

I didn't get the impression that it was really talked out so much as he suggested and was told "no." If, every time a partner of mine and I have flatly disagreed and I came back with another point or more to say, I was using the "nag factor" ... well, that would make me one heck of a champion nag.

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liquesce I didn't get the impression that it was really talked out so much as he suggested and was told "no." If, every time a partner of mine and I have flatly disagreed and I came back with another point or more to say, I was using the "nag factor" ... well, that would make me one heck of a champion nag.

Fair enough. I didn't see any mention of him bringing up another point, and she did say that she's told him her reasons for not wanting a payday loan before. I guess I just read it differently than you did. I'm very touchy on the money stuff...

 

[Onemagicmummy]

UPDATE: OP here.

first off i want to bring to the attention of people here and MDC as a whole there is a board out there ragging on us for our choices and vents etc
i dunno if i can post the link but PM me if you want it.

i really dont give a monkeys what they think about me. i am a good mum of 4 wonderfull kids, 1 on way, having a rough couple of weeks, i was angry and worried when i posted the OP. things arent really that bad, i just freak out sometimes and get overly worried and wound up. im sure we all do at some point.

my choices are no one elses business (not aimed at here) i am happy with my decision to be a SAHM. also any spelling mistakes in the OP are caused by the laptop having sticky keys thanks to DD2 kicking a can of soda on it.

things are not brilliant now but are better. we didnt have the sell the Wii, just a few games, so we are gonna be Ok.

thanks for the replys

we are OK now, and i will no longer be posting for advice on problems and such, i can risk it falling into the wrong hands. as much as i dont care, i dont wanna give em fodder.

kiz