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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm employed, but on my salary alone, we'd be quite a bit short each month. Right now my DH has a decent 9-5 job with a company he believes in, but he's always dreamed of owning his own business. An entrepreneurial friend of his has contacted him about a business opportunity they discussed years ago, and they're both very gung-ho to start it. It definitely has possibilities, especially around here, but like any new business, there are no guarantees. If he did quit his job and go for it, he'd have to work two jobs (one to pay the bills and one with the new biz) until it started making money. Plus, we'll never see each other--I'll basically be a single mom, working, taking care of the kids, and taking care of the house all by myself.<br><br>
BUT, if it takes off, and it very well could, it would be a dream come true for DH. We do believe in this friend--he's got an amazing head for business, his wife is an MDC mama (if you're reading <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hola.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hola">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">), between the 4 of us we have the expertise to build this business, etc. There's a part of me that says that businesses are never built without risk, but there's the other part of me that just screams, "Keep the stable job!!!! Settle down for a change! Build some savings! Have time with your kids! Just take the slow and steady path!"<br><br>
Ugh. The decision is basically totally up to me--DH wants it very badly, but knows how disruptive it will, and how rough it will make our lives. WWYD? Would you let him walk away from the decent job for a dream of starting his own business?
 

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I didn't let dh start a bussiness with his friend b/c he was already working so hard and I never got to see him as it was. Now his friends business is doing really well, he even did some work in Egypt last summer <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">.
 

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Could you handle him being away all the time? Could you cut some expenses for a while so that you could live off of your income for a while?<br><br>
I can see both sides of it. I can understand not wanting him to be away so much and the toll it would take on your family. Starting a business is hard work and takes TONS of time. The advantage you have is having a business partner. This will help. Will you need upfront money to get the business going?<br><br>
If this is something he has dreamed of for a long time, I would say let him do it. Make sure you make some plans for family time so that he is home as much as possible. See what you can do to cut some costs. Being sucessful in a new business is going to require tons of sacrifice, but if it works out the way it should and there is a solid business plan in place, they could do quite well for themselves. There are tax advantages to owning a business too. Is this something he could do part time until it was up and running a little more?<br><br>
I would ask him to write up a solid plan for you to see so that you understand what he is looking at. My DH is having me do this with my business. I didn't do it when I purchased my salon and that was my biggest downfall. I had no plan of action.<br><br>
Good luck with the decision. Take lots of time to consider all the options. This could be a life changing decision for the better or worse and you really need to search out all the options you have.
 

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Do you have an emergency fund already? Are there areas you could cut expenses to free up some room in the budget? Is your relationship solid and able to take a beating for a bit? Is the business worth your kids not seeing their Dad a lot?<br><br>
To be frank, it would take a lot for me to agree to a risky financial situation, one that would mean my kids didn't get to see Papa and spend time with him, that would seriously strain our marriage (and my sanity) and that wasn't a pretty sure thing. Starting a business takes a LOT. Have they written a business plan? Have the secured capital and funding? Have you though about health insurance? Mortgage? What he will do if the business doesn't take off? (Can he go back to his former line of work, or will thouse bridges be burned)?<br><br>
I'm sorry to be a downer, but I wouldn't be willing to take that sort of risk without some major security already built up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Only have a sec, but to answer a couple of questions:<br><br>
We have no e-fund, it was wiped out when DH worked a nightmare job for about two years, and we haven't managed to build it back up in the 18 months he's been in this new job.<br><br>
No, we can't cut expenses. My salary will cover mortgage and some of the utilities, but nothing else.<br><br>
Benefits are under my job, and are secure as long as my job is.<br><br>
The friend is the capital and operating assets; we wouldn't have to front any money, but DH wouldn't quite be an equal partner for that reason.<br><br>
I could, physically and mentally, stand him being away all the time--for awhile. I'm just not sure it's fair to the kids for him to be. In the past several years I've felt that we've been not much of a complete family (that job two years ago was really destructive), and I've been working on getting us stronger, but I feel like we're going backwards all the time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Sarah_bella, that's what I'm afraid of. I don't know if I could forgive myself (or if he could forgive me) if the business took off and I wouldn't let him do it. On the other hand, after what we've been through the last several years, I don't know if our marriage could take it if he does quit and the business fails.<br><br>
Theresa, you're not being a downer at all! That's the kind of thing I need to hear.<br><br>
Hopeelise, my DH is the marketing guy--if he decides to do it, they'll be writing the business plan and stuff together. But you're right, I have some questions about the logistics of all this and we need to sit down tonight and put everything on paper.<br><br>
Thanks everyone, keep the opinions coming!
 

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"let him"? Isn't he a grown-up?
 

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Does your husband really have the potential for it, or is it all just talk right now? With something this risky with children you need to be brutally honest. He may be able to talk good business sense, but can he actually execute when the time comes for action? Look at some things he does around the house. Does he say he will help with chores and then not do them? Does he get his responsibilities done on his own or does he need reminding? If he doesn't have motivation around the house, how can you be sure he will have it at his own job?<br><br>
I've been severely burned by this kind of thing before. I was footing ALL the bills working part time while going to college, while he sat at home in front of his computer and "worked." He hadn't made a dime of profit in years but still expected me to be content that he was "working." All during this time he refused to help with any chore. He did and does have a wonderful head for business, but he doesn't have the ability to execute plans. It made things very hard on our relationship. I wound up leaving and telling him that when he was able to act like a responsible adult and get a steady, paying job, we might be able to work things out. I wound up being gone for over nine months and we didn't even speak to each other for six of those. I am very thankful we didn't have any children in the middle of this.<br><br>
You need to think very carefully about this. It might be his dream, but jobs and income need to be based on reality. If you can't afford for the business plan to go under, be very cautious. Even the best business plans go under to any number of reasons.<br><br>
Ultimately this is your decision. You know what is best for you and your children. You know your husbands ability. You know what your instincts are telling you. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8231869"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"let him"? Isn't he a grown-up?</div>
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Thanks, that was helpful to the conversation <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Yes, I do in fact mean "let him." Just as I wouldn't wake up one day and inform him that I decided to quit my job to stay home with our children--which has been MY dream, deferred for the last five years so he could pursue HIS dreams--without his agreement and support, I wouldn't expect him to make this decision without MY agreement and support. He is most certainly an adult--one who is part of a family unit, with emotional, parental, and financial obligations, and with promises made and expectations to meet. In addition, he has left this decision entirely up to me, because he knows that I'll be the one bearing the enormous weight of working my own 30-hour/week job with no childcare, while also being the only person raising our children and maintaining our entire home. I don't how your relationship works, but in mine, yes, I would have to "let him" make this decision that could destroy our life as we know it.<br><br>
Gremco, thank you. That's very interesting, and without going into the reasons why, you gave me a lot to chew over there. Excellent points...
 

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I guess I see it as a nothing ventured, nothing gained situation. If he's not investing anything more than time and energy into it, and you have the means to cover the basics, then go for it. I would, however, build up an emergency fund first, and also set a time frame for this project to get off the ground. If it isn't making money in X time, dh has to pull out and go back to 9 to 5. Be realistic and keep him grounded. Don't let him sugar coat anything, KWIM? It's easy to get caught up in a dream...I'd make it my business to know what was going on at all times and be prepared to be the voice of reason if need be. Good luck!
 

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The title of your post resonated with me - I have to say that honestly, no... I wouldn't "let" him leave a good job under the circumstances you described. (And believe me, I get why you used the word "let", and I think it makes sense <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> )<br><br>
Without an emergency fund or being able to live entirely on your income for a short time, I wouldn't be able to do it if it were me.<br><br>
I think the other advice you've been given about having a written plan and a timeline are key, and that might help you get a clearer picture of what the actual sacrifices might be.<br><br>
Is there no way he can help his friend with the new business while keeping his current job - just working late into the night and on weekends? I know it's not easy (DH and I are doing it now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ) and it still is a major disruption to family time, but IMHO it would be a better way to go. At least until you can build up a better emergecy reserve
 

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Would your DH have to put up some money for the new biz? Would it be debt?<br><br>
I'm asking this because I'm a daily Dave Ramsey listener, and he tells people to start their own small biz WITH CASH. You NEVER want to take out a loan against your home, the biz goes under, and you've lost your home too.<br><br>
The OP's DH also has to realize that he has a family to support, and just can't run off to follow his ideas, without taking them into consideration. I know of one case where a man in his 30s with a wife and two children (single income family) tried to keep doing "his thing" for far too long, hoping it would pay off in the end. It didn't, since the field he was in has very few openings and he couldn't find a decent paying job. His family was living on money given from friends and family even to pay basic expenses (rent, utilities, food). Finally he sucked it up, got a decent paying job, although not in his dream field, and they're doing wonderful now.
 

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NOpe, not again. He did that and we're now (well, me being a sahm for 3 years didn't help) but now we're so far in debt he'll be "working for the man" until he dies... lesson learned! Unless, of course, you have a nice nest egg to fall back on
 

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I would never want to come in between someones dreams, let alone my dh's. My dh is actually working a job <i><span style="text-decoration:underline;">and</span></i> working on his dream right now., It is difficult, but when it pays off (which I have no doubt it will) he will have more time with his family,and he will be happier and i just can't see him working this 9-5 job the rest of his life without even have tried persuing his dream. good luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
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<div style="font-style:italic;">I would never want to come in between someones dreams, let alone my dh's. My dh is actually working a job <i><span style="text-decoration:underline;">and</span></i> working on his dream right now., It is difficult, but when it pays off (which I have no doubt it will) he will have more time with his family,and he will be happier and i just can't see him working this 9-5 job the rest of his life without even have tried persuing his dream. good luck</div>
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Gosh, you sound so sure. I wish I was! I sort of feel like, what about MY dream? Our original goal was for me to be staying home with the girls by the time we had a second. Then it was to be home with them by the time our oldest was in K. Well, K starts in 3 months...and here we are again. Not only am I NOT a SAHM with my girls, I'm working WHILE I'm home with them, and the promised help around the house is evaporating, and so is the extra money to even hire P/T childcare, and they're losing their dad again too. I want so badly for him to reach for his dream, but when do I get to reach for mine? When they're leaving for college?<br><br>
But I do hear what you're saying, I really do, which is why I'm in such a dilemma.<br><br>
Flutterbee, you're right. What would be lost would be this good job that he FINALLY found and is respected at, respected enough that they laid someone off to put him in a new position when they did a huge round of layoffs last month <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Prior to that he had a terrible time finding a job when he was in the sales-job-from-hell, he spent a year looking.<br><br>
Edamommy, I'm terrified of that. We are just finishing digging ourselves out of $35K in combined debt. I don't want to go there again, especially not voluntarily!<br><br>
Tradd, no, he's not going to have to put any money in it (which is good because we have none!), but he won't be an equal partner in that case--more like the second in command. He's OK with that.<br><br>
And maybemom, no, he can't do both. The new biz will involve him managing operations during the same hours he'd be working his current job. He will likely have a weekend/night job lined up that will pay just barely enough for us to squeak by, barring any financial emergencies. My fears are more about leaving a really good job behind (and yes, burning bridges, most likely) when he'll have such a hard time finding another one if the biz fails. And about my ending up in the loony bin from single parenting/working almost full time/taking care of the kids by myself with no childcare/managing the whole house with no help.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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Dh and I trust each other to follow our dreams. Staying at home was the only acceptable path for me, however it had to work out, there was an understanding it would work out. And it did. When dh left his career we understood it would work out however it worked out--having a plan was secondary to supporting dh in doing what was necessary for him to live a full and fulfilling life. It would work out. It has worked out. The details are secondary to feeling certain we were on the path that was right for us. But, a large part of that certainty comes from a fundamental confidence that we are a team and there is a place for each other in sharing and building those dreams.<br><br>
Life is very short and nothing is guaranteed. I think one should always be moving towards your dream, and taking every chance possible to make it happen. That's the way of living I support for myself and others.
 

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That's a tough one. DH has sort of tried out his dream a couple of times, but never with nothing else to supplement income.<br>
However, if he really wanted to, I would probably tell him to go for it (allbeit reluctantly). I don't think I could live with myself (or him<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> ) if I held him back with guilt or my fears...I would do my best to be encouraging.<br>
Good luck!
 

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If your dh is the marketing guy in the business, I would ask that he conduct all of his pre-market polls, surveys, research and business plan, etc. BEFORE he quit his job to make sure that this is INDEED something that makes sense for your area. Once he does all of the market research, he might find that it is not a good idea after all. Or he could find out that the research indicates that it will take off quickly and it's a good risk. At this point, I don't think you should make ANY decisions that affect your financial future until he has done ALL of the marketing homework.
 

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Could he possibly start the new business but not quit his day job yet? Then quit the day job if/when the new business takes off and provides enough income? Or will this new business venture take too much of his time and energy for that to be realistic?<br><br>
ETA: I just read the rest of the thread and I see this has been covered, but I still have something else to add. Why does HE have to be the one covering the business during the hours that he's currently working at his (hard to find) good job? Why can't he get involved in the project at a smaller scale, do the marketing stuff, but have the other partner hire somebody else (or enter a 3rd partner) to cover the working hours?
 

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I wouldn't "let him," I would encourage him. How amazing that he has the opportunity to chase his dream. So many people never have the chance, or let the chance go, because they are afraid.<br><br>
My dh left a good paying job sometime ago to go into business for himself. The first year was tight, to say the least. But we had accumulated enough savings and were braced for it, and we made it work. After 5 months he began to turn a profit, and now he works when he wants, has 5 fulltime employees and 2 part timers, and he is THRILLED. I didn't want him to do it at first because I was concerned for our family's financial future, but the truth is, I can't put a price on his dreams. My dream was to be a sahm, and he made that possible for me; so what could I do but support him as he went after his dream?<br><br>
If it hadn't worked, he'd have found employment elsewhere. But I couldn't forgive myself if I was the reson he never even tried.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Ugh. The decision is basically totally up to me--DH wants it very badly</td>
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Look at it like this. You got a choice.<br><br>
You can pull him back from doing his dream and have a husband who is miserable for never taking a chance at his dream and who'll probably take it out on you and the kids for feeling "trapped".<br><br>
Or<br><br>
You can let him do his thing. Take a risk, and possibly not see him at all.<br><br>
Both decisions take a toll on the marriage. The question is, at the end of the day, which one will take the BIGGEST toll.<br><br>
Take it from me, a man who feels trapped is a man quite miserable.
 
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