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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
*Warning, talk of abuse<br><br>
A young girl (A), around age 7 or 8, wakes up in the middle of the night with a scary dream. Her father comes in to comfort her and starts asking her about it. Dad then begins asking, in very sexually explicit language, if someone has been touching her or putting anything inside of her (again, VERY explicit language). She says no, and is confused, but he continues. Finally she just says yes to get him to stop, and the younger sister (by a year or 2) says it happened to her too, because she doesn't want her sis to be alone. All of the girls' siblings are raised to believe the girls were raped as children, even the girls themselves. Teachers and friends and church members are all told that the girls were raped. It's not until adulthood that A is talking to her dad's new wife (C) and C says that the man tried to convince her of the same thing, only that it was her father that had raped her (which never happened). The girls realize that nothing ever happened to them and finally talk about it to each other and heal. BTW, mom went along with it, she is a pathological liar. Both parents have mental health problems<br><br>
So, now let's say this man is your fil or your father. Would you allow your children to see him at all? Let him hold them? Is it your responsibility to tell this man's new daughter-in-law about it (because you know no one else will)? Would you let the mother around your kids? If more info is needed, just ask
 

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I'd be wary, but probably be okay with supervised visits if this is the only form of "crazy" this guy presents. I'm guessing there is much more to the story though.<br><br>
Definitely I would tell DIL about it.
 

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Supervised contact. And yes to informing the DIL.
 

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I wouldn't let my dd be alone with that person. A short visit, while keeping dd within sight & earshot maybe, but nothing more.<br><br>
And yes, I'd tell the new DIL. Esp, since the man attempted to convince an adult, and that this "game" of his is not just for children. Normally I'd say that family secrets are family secrets - but this would be too big to not warn a new family member about IMO.
 

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Ok maybe I am just not all here this afternoon, so bear with me<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Was the dream something that the father thought showed that the young girl had been abused? He asks her in sexually explicit language whether she has or not and she agrees as does younger sister. Then the church and every one in the town thinks the same thing? Do they accuse the father or someone else?<br><br>
Fast forward to C(fathers new wife). So now the father is trying to convince C that she was raped too?
 

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I would definately tell DIL about it, most definately. I would severly limit my contact with this person and not allow my children around him and if we were to be around I would not leave him alone with them, or the wife either if she supported it. That just rubs me the wrong way. Was there a resolution? I guess that would influence my decision as well.<br><br>
People who mess with others minds especially childrens seem unpredictable and I dont want to be around when they do something else crazy.<br><br>
This is all just how I would feel and what I would do but I am into a mode of cutting out family that makes my life more stressful and not worth being around them so my opinion might be extreme, I dont know.<br><br>
Angela
 

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No.
 

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I would certainly NOT allow my child to be alone with this person. Really. A false accusation of child abuse could quite literaly ruin your life, not to mention harm your child's mental health. It is not worth it. Imagine if your child falsely accused you or your spouse of child abuse? Real or not, they could be taken from you. How devastating would that be to everyone?<br><br>
If this person is a close family member and for whatever reason is involved in your life, I would NEVER allow my child to be alone with this person and I would very, very carefully supervise all activities in a very public setting (meaning, I probably wouldn't miss a family reunion or a holiday party to avoid them, but bet your bottom dollar kids would be in sight, in earshot, in full view of myself and other people at the party).<br><br>
If the DIL or whomever needs to know, I would tell her, or ask a closer family member to tell her if our relationship was not there yet.
 

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it sounds as if this is his sick way of abusing people ... YUCK!<br><br>
No way would I allow my children around someone known to be like that ...
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sonrisaa29</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8969019"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ok maybe I am just not all here this afternoon, so bear with me<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Was the dream something that the father thought showed that the young girl had been abused? He asks her in sexually explicit language whether she has or not and she agrees as does younger sister. Then the church and every one in the town thinks the same thing? Do they accuse the father or someone else?<br><br>
Fast forward to C(fathers new wife). So now the father is trying to convince C that she was raped too?</div>
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Girl does not remember dream, it was like 20 yrs ago. He asked her if she's been raped and she said no but he kept insisting so she finally just said yes. The younger sister is best friends with her older sister and when she saw her sister being uncomfortable, she didn't want her to be all alone, so she said yes too. The parents tell everyone for sympathy and to get out of stuff, or for no reason (like i said, mom is a pathological liar). They said it happened in a different town across the country.<br><br>
When C didn't want to do certain things with him sexually, he tried to convince her of the same thing. This part is hearsay though.<br><br>
Is that more clear? Sorry it's confusing!
 

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Not a chance I'd let my kids be near that man. (My cats, either, since kids are hypothetical for me, for now.)
 

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I consider that man to be an abuser. I would not allow my children to spend time with a child abuser, and I would warn my SIL/BIL of the dangers to my neices of being near that man.<br><br>
I would not allow him to be near male or female children, even though he's only abused girls.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>AngelaB</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8969048"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Was there a resolution? I guess that would influence my decision as well.</div>
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No resolution that I'm aware of. Parents would likely never admit to it.
 

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I would never allow my children to be around him.<br>
My children wouldn't lose out on anything by having never seen them.<br>
No matter the relationship.<br>
There are enough good people in their lives anyway.<br>
I would never allow them around such an obviously horrible, demented man who seems to use this tactic to (hopefully for him) get what he wants sexually from C, which means he's terribly manipulative.<br>
There are so many things wrong with that man.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br>
I would also tell the DIL so she can make an informed decision regarding the health, wellness and safety of her own children.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ruthla</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8969186"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I consider that man to be an abuser. I would not allow my children to spend time with a child abuser, and I would warn my SIL/BIL of the dangers to my neices of being near that man.<br><br>
I would not allow him to be near male or female children, even though he's only abused girls.</div>
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I completely agree<br><br>
And yes, there is a lot more to the parents then this isolated incident, but I could probably talk all day about it.<br><br>
For the reference, this is my dh's dad, and out of 8 kids, dh and one sister and maybe another brother feel like I do (or at least agree he shouldn't be around kids). All the others (including both girls in the op) leave their children with their parents alone. It actually makes me nauseous to see fil holding my young nieces. Fil is never allowed to stay at our home, hold our children, be alone with out children etc. Most of dh's siblings think we are too extreme in this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I just hope it never happens to one of their kids.
 
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