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Not true. The two are not mutually exclusive. Our system was such that it was a way to catch DD's attention-- to get her to be aware of what she was doing. We'd had a safe space in place, worked on breathing techniques, had a special routine with a feelings book (made with photos of her for the purpose of the book) . . .but nothing helped in the MOMENT. The reminder of the reward stopped the yelling in the immediate sense, but then was a way to get her attention for working on expressing her feelings in another way (w/o yelling).</td>
While I'm familiar with Kohn's (and others) arguments against rewards, I think there's a class of things and times for which they can be helpful..<br><br>
Your solution and the process reminds me a bit of Flylady and her "It takes 28 days to make a new habit" mantra. And as an adult, she (and her followers) can say "Okay, we're going to make a new *good* habit to replace an old bad one. This month we're going to concentrate on...." We can see the likely results of working to build this new habit, and what our reward will be (the internal reward of living in a cleaner house, or having more peaceful evenings).<br><br>
Some of the things charts like yours work best at seem to be just a way to help build a habit, Flylady style. Kids need a bit more reason to work on it, but once they've done it, they become aware of the *intrinsic* value of it - in the case of tantrums, they realize that learning the habit of stopping the tantrum before it starts has the intrinsic reward that you no longer feel awful and out of control. At which point, the chart isn't needed - it was a means to help the child to the point where they can see for themselves the value of it.<br><br>
Something that has no intrinsic value to the child will never really be sticker-chartable, because as soon as the chart goes away, the reward goes... but with something that has an end that will be of value to the child - I think a chart *can* be a tool to consider.
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