Would you use a name you didn't like?

1089 Views 26 Replies 22 Participants Last post by SoCalGirl, Apr 13, 2006

nova22

Discussion Starter · Apr 11, 2006

I know the answer sounds pretty obvious when you just read the post title, but there's more to it.

DH really wants to use Vladimir as a first name. I don't like it at all but DH is crazy about it, and has been ever since we were expecting our first (this one is our third). We're Catholic, and we use saint names for our kids. There's a St. Vladimir who is actually one of DH's ancestors, which makes him like the name even more. I finally agreed to have Vladimir as the middle name with a different first name but I don't think I'm happy with that choice anymore. I actually started thinking about it when I had a really vivid dream that the baby was a girl, and I was so relieved in my dream that I wasn't going to have to use Vladimir anymore! I feel really conflicted because I know DH loves the name, and it's stuck in the middle anyway where we'd never use it. But now I'm having doubts about the first name too...again it's a saint name (Benedict) and I LOVE St. Benedict, but I really don't like the name. And I don't like the nickname Ben.

I guess I don't really need advice on what to do about the names, but I would like to know if you would use a name you didn't really care for if it was the name of someone you really respected, or a family name, or whatever...?

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1 - 20 of 27 Posts

MrsTC

· #2 · Apr 11, 2006

I know that names can grow on a person...can they grow from the place you are right now, is the question?

Also something to consider, would dh concede to you if there was a name that you really loved but he didn't think too much of...? In my marriage, I typically give a little more on things like this than dh does, but I am learning when I give too much (ie, become resentful later). However your relationship works, consider this.

I think that Vladimir is a fine name, as is Benedict. My dad's parents named all their kids (11) after saints names...my dad got the absolute worst of the bunch for his middle name--Aloyiseus. WOW! He's 53 years old and still hasn't grown into that name!

You'll find the answer within yourself by the time your baby comes, I'm sure of that. Keep an open mind and heart about it.

Good luck to you,
Tresa

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mimid

· #3 · Apr 11, 2006

We've decided to use our grandmothers' names (mine first and his as middle) but we each only have 2 grandmothers, so that leaves us short! Well, I don't like some of the names dh has picked out for our 3rd and dh doesn't really like one of my grandmothers' name. So, we're compromising and my grandmother's name stays and dh get final choice on his selection. So he is getting a name he isn't sure about and I might get one I don't like. Hopefully it will work itself out.

You can also compromise and pick 2-3 names and when the babe comes go with what feels right after you meet him. Then you can say that he just doesn't seem like a Benedict or a Vladimir so you won't hurt dh's feelings.

Good luck!

jenmk

· #4 · Apr 11, 2006

Honestly, I would not use a name I don't like. DH is really liking a name right now . . . that he likes more and more as time goes on, and it does absolutely nothing for me and is not growing on me at all. Unless I start liking it more (I have to LOVE a name to use it, personally) we won't be using that name.

I think names are so important, and difficult (yet somewhat fun to imagine what you might name a child), that I just cannot see using a name I don't like. Of course you'd probably grow to love the name because you'll adore the child . . . but I'd rather start with a name I love.

Good luck!

Edited to add: I forgot to mention that both DH and I have to agree on the name to use it. I'm not the only one with veto power on this issue, because this is our child and we both have a say. So if one of us doesn't like a name, we just keep looking until we find something we both love.

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Momma Aimee

· #5 · Apr 11, 2006

i did

my husband really wanted Roosevelt as a middle name -- i wasn't hip on it.

but

it was very important to him..............family name...............very important...................one of the few things he really had an opinion on...........................most things he said "it is whatever you want"

so that is ds's middle name,,,,,,,,,,,

dh is daddy too -- he should get some things that he gets to choose..........ds is not only my son;

Aimee

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nova22

Discussion Starter · #6 · Apr 11, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsTC
Also something to consider, would dh concede to you if there was a name that you really loved but he didn't think too much of...? In my marriage, I typically give a little more on things like this than dh does, but I am learning when I give too much (ie, become resentful later). However your relationship works, consider this.

Well...yes...I guess you're right! I fought tooth and nail for DD's first name. DH is glad we chose it now, but he had his heart set on a different girl's name. If this one is a girl, he's letting me use my grandmother's Slavic name in return for me letting him use Vladimir on a boy.

Thanks for the input so far, everyone...I feel a little better about it already. If nothing else I'm ready to talk to him about it so he knows what I'm thinking.

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Kathryn

· #7 · Apr 11, 2006

*grumble grumble* Yes, I am going to use a name I loathe for our little boy when and if this baby turns out to be a boy. It's a long story, but my husband made a pact with his best friend to name his first son Coy. Soooo...that's what it'll be.

Pynki

· #8 · Apr 11, 2006

Ds3 middle name is Lloyd. NOT my favorite name. BUT, it was the name of DH grandfather who was always there for him. His death (before we got together) is still really hard for him. Who am I to say no to his most beloved deceased grandfather's name? It is only a middle name too. It's not like it's used by alot of people.

Snowdrift

· #9 · Apr 11, 2006

If and when I have a boy, his middle name will be Stewart. I neither like nor dislike the name, but my father had a very annoying friend by that name and even though it's DH's middle name, I always think of my dad's annoying friend. It will be relegated to middle name-dom though.

I really wanted to give all our kids at least one Hebrew name, but allowed DH to overrule me. I can live with the names we've picked together, and if I prefer Elanor Gabrielle to Elanor Rose, well, I probably have weird tastes anyway and Rose is a fine name

grace's voice

· #10 · Apr 11, 2006

My dh decided he just has to use the name Elmer... need I say that name is laughable at best? Its an old farmer name, and his grandfather's name... who was, by the way, an old farmer.

I agreed to use it as a middle name for our next boy, IF I could pick any first name I wanted. He agreed... until I told him I was picking Nolan. He hates that name and it's #1 on my list. So now he's decided we are naming our next son Ryan Elmer (Ryan is dh's middle name). Really not fair at all, he chose the first name for this baby and vetoed all the mn's I liked. Benjamin Enoch was my first choice. It really isn't fair I tell you! I'd say I'm hoping for a girl next time, but our girl issues are even worse. The only names he likes are Heidi and Chole, and both are too common for me.

Good luck!

snuffles

· #11 · Apr 11, 2006

We are kind of in the same boat. I just posted yesterday ("Yet another name thread") about how dh wants the name Seraphim for our baby boy. The middle name is already set b/c we are using family names --- Dennis. Seraphim is an Orthodox saint's name and dh is very fond of it. I like it okay but don't want to pin the kid with a name that is too weird, and he can't resort to using his middle name. One thing I thought of yesterday was that the child could have two first names (like John Seraphim or Luke Seraphim). Anyway, I hope you settle on a name that you and dh both feel good about.

boscopup

· #12 · Apr 11, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenmk
Edited to add: I forgot to mention that both DH and I have to agree on the name to use it. I'm not the only one with veto power on this issue, because this is our child and we both have a say. So if one of us doesn't like a name, we just keep looking until we find something we both love.

This is how we do it too. We both think of names, and if one of us vetos it, it's gone. I really really really liked the name Jared, but DH didn't like most of the Jareds he knew. So while that was my absolute favorite boy's name, I conceded. DH later suggested Joshua, and at first, I nixed it, but then later, I changed my mind.

The name really grew on me, and I think it fits my boy really well!

We haven't even discussed names for this one coming yet... Boy will that be fun. Last time, we went back and forth on boys' names. The girl's name was easy, but we took a long time to figure out a boy. Thankfully, we figured it out before 29 weeks, since he decided to make an early appearance! For this one, we are trying to decide if we want to use the same girl's name... I'm thinking not. So then we have to figure out girl and boy again, and boy was hard enough last time!

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thismama

· #13 · Apr 11, 2006

No, I really wouldn't.

Starr

· #14 · Apr 11, 2006

I wouldn't but thats me, I have a nephew named after St. Blaise...

philomom

· #15 · Apr 11, 2006

No. We had a rule, dh and me to "throw out" any name that one of us hated.

I would not even consider naming a sweet baby a name I did not love.

ChattyCat

· #16 · Apr 11, 2006

If I REALLY didn't like it, no. And, I wouldn't expect dh to have to live with a name that he felt that strongly about either.

With ds, we named him after our (my and dh's) maternal grandfathers. The other name from dh's maternal grandfather was Edward. I know it's a perfectly nice name, but I cannot stand it. Dh was understanding.

This time, we had picked out Eve as a middle name. I loved it. Dh told me a few weeks ago, that he really doesn't like it at all. I respected that. He didn't make me live with Edward, and I wasn't going to make him live with Eve.

I think that no parent should have to go along with a name that they detest. At the same time, you have to cooperate, and come up with a name that everyone is happy with.

Good luck!

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ChattyCat

· #17 · Apr 11, 2006

oops... double post

the_lissa

· #18 · Apr 11, 2006

No I wouldn't.

peilover010202

· #19 · Apr 11, 2006

I would and I have. Dh and I were in a very similar situation with our first ds. He always wanted to name a son after his grandfather (who basically raised him). That name was Donald. I hated it, but it meant so much to him that I agreed it could be the middle name. I know he'd do the same for me, esp if the name had family ties.

And you know what? Ds is now 2.5 and I can't say I LOVE the name, but I don't hate it anymore. And now, when I hear "Donald" I think of my sweet boy instead of an old man without teeth.

Good luck making your decision. It's a tough one, but I think you'll find the name grows on you too.

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mischievium

· #20 · Apr 11, 2006

Well, my DP and I haven't gone through this yet, but given the few discussions we've had about names, I can tell you we will and my answer is this--

If the name I hated was something he *loved* AND it really meant something to him (I think a poster mentioned using a beloved grandfathers name) then I could see compromising and using it as a MIDDLE name, but I could not use something I don't like as a first name.

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