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Would you wean your toddler (2yr old) if it was the ONLY way you could get pregnant?

  • Yes, she's had a good run & brother/sister would be a good thing

    Votes: 20 28.6%
  • No, she's too young & loves it.

    Votes: 32 45.7%
  • I'm not sure......

    Votes: 18 25.7%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm facing a very difficult decision right now & am looking for other opinions/thoughts.

My dd will turn 2 on Wednesday & still nurses. She's down to about 3-4 times a day, but this is with my effort as she was nursing every few hours just a few weeks ago.

We've been TTC since the fall. I've only had 2 ppafs, have PCOS & was on clomid to get pregnant with my dd. We've done 2 rounds of clomid/glucophage which have both failed. I met with our infertility doctor today, and he basically said he thinks the reason these 2 rounds failed was because I'm still nursing & the prolactin is interfering. Some woman are more sensitive than others, and I guess I'm one of them. So, we're faced with the decision to either try injectible meds (more risks, including multiples, over stimulation, etc), or weaning & trying clomid again. He said if we did try the injectible meds, we'd only try 1 round, and if that didn't work, we'd do nothing else until she weans. We could also wait until dd is self weaned, but I REALLY REALLY want to be preg again & want them to be closer in age. They'll already be 3 years apart, and I had wanted them even closer.

So this is a terrible decision. My heart is breaking. I don't want to force dd to wean, but I also don't want her to be an only child (and if any of you have dealt with infertility issues, you know that failure is always a possibility that you don't want to face, but is very much in the back of your mind). I want her to have a sibling who's close enough in age so they can play together, etc.

So, would you wean at age 2 if it was the only way you could get pregnant?
 

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Gosh, I don't know what I would do. It is easy for me to say that I would not right now, but I am not TTC. I remember how I felt when we were ttc Brodie, and if it had taken a long time and ds#1 was 2, I guess I would of considered it. I guess, I would first try the injectible route and then go from there. I am sending you ton of baby dust!
 

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I just want to send you some support and hugs! I don't know what I'd do in your shoes. DH and I are actually thinking about TTC#3, but I won't do it until DS#2 self weans. Then again, our first 2 boys are 7 years apart and get along great, so we don't care about a close spacing. I'm prepared to wait another 2 years if I have to, but I don't have any issues that I know of with getting pregnant. Good Luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks ladies, I really appreciate the feedback.

KarenEMT.... that's another issue to consider. It may take a long time even when dd weans. It took 9 months last time, so it still may be a year before I get preg.

Can I just tell you how much I hate this. Last night dd came into our bed at about 1am (we co-slept until about a month ago, when she got a bed in her room & she starts the night there (her choice), then comes into us) I nursed her. Then at 5am she asked again, so my dh brought her downstairs & gave her some milk, yogurt & grapes. When they came back initially she was okay, then she was screaming & crying, so I gave in.
I told dh I'd give up the 5am feeding next week :LOL But, this am dd didn't really even ask for "Ga" before we got out of bed, which is really unusual. And she never asked for it all day yesterday until bed, which is also a 1st. So, maybe she's ready and it won't be too hard.
 

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Yes I probably would. But I have a bit different situation too. I'm about to be 39 and went through IVF to get pregnant with my youngest. I also have PCOS and went through clomid to get pregnant with my 2 older children. We now have frozen embryos and I plan to wean around 2 and go for frozen transfer. I'll be turning 40 then. I also have a history of complications with pregnancy. I'm comfortable with weaning at around 2...that's what I did with my 12 year old.

That's the big question though...are you comfortable with weaning now? If you don't end up having another child...would you have regrets about weaning this child? I ask this because I know it can be a very real question for some of us. For some it would be devastating to end up not having another child or it taking many years to get pregnant again and then dealing with the fact that they may have not gone all the way through child led weaning.

I don't know your age. Spacing of children wouldn't concern me so much (obviously considering that my older children are 15-1/2 and 12 and then I have a 13 month old!)

It sounds like you are into the weaning dance now and it all may take care of itself.

Whatever you do...just make sure you are really at peace with it.

Oh and I personally wouldn't do an injectible cycle while nursing...but then I doubt I would do injectibles without IVF. It's so much to go through and the stats are so much better when doing them in an IVF cycle. I don't think I would do any agressive TTC treatments while nursing (including clomid). I am ok with glucophage while nursing...I'm on it now too.
 

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I voted no, but I'm also 28 and had NO problems getting pg.

That said, I've known 2 people to wean their child and then not be able to get pg anyway--- which was devistating all around. At least they knew they did everything possible, but it was still pretty hard on their family.

Good luck w/whatever you decide.
 

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I have certain female problems myself, and had a hard time conceiving though not as hard as some women. My doc also told me I'd have to wean in order to get pregnant again. I just couldn't do it. And you know what? I got pregnant on my own, anyway! (and she still isn't ready to wean yet six months after baby was born)

You are the only one can make that decision, I just wanted to give you some hope should you decide to go the same route I took...
 

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I voted that yes... but I don't think I would for sure. If the circumstances demanded it (age/circumstance limiting my ability to wait) I would. however in my own personal situation look at my eldest when she was 2... I probably wouldn't have felt I was ready to wean her. I would have felt I had more time to give her before weaning. When she was two she had a 3 month old sister though- and BF throughout it all. Still going and she'll be three this month on the 20th.
 

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I am in that situation and I won't do it. Dd is 3.5 and we have been trying for 2 years with 1 m/c. I always thought I would want my children close together too, but personally I realize that I am better off having them farther apart since dd has always been rather "high needs" (hate that term) and she needed the spacing farther apart (and maybe I did too in order to cope in case I had another just like her). I have thought about weaning for this purpose many times, but I always come back to "what if I still don't get pg". Weaning my dd would be tramatic for her and it's just not worth it.

I'm 33 BTW and got pg with dd very easily.
 

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I voted no. I didn't have to and I won't now.

I also got pregnant with dd easily (4 months) and it took much longer to conceive ds. I had an ectopic pregnancy when dd was almost 4. The dr. suggested I wean, as if it was changing from apple to orange juice. I didn't want to...the ectopic pregnancy was scary for all of us, I had to be hospitalized and dd even asked me "are you gonna die?" She was still nursing to sleep at night.

I read Mothering Your Nursing Toddler and it talked about nursing through miscarriages and such. Ultimately you have to do what you are comfortable with. There are no guarentees either way.

Hugs Coleslaw.
 

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i think it was Mothering Your Nursing Toddler that said something along the lines of giving the child that you DO have priority over the one that doesn't yet exist. yet on the other hand i do see your point. i remember how badly i wanted to get pg with jasmyn, and it was heartbreaking every month that i wasn't. granted we didn't have any fertility problems, but i would imagine that would only make it harder. it's hard to argue with your heart when it is telling you it's time for another little one.

(((hugs))) i wish i knew what to say. it's a tough decision.
 

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I voted no. I was in a similar situation. It took 10 months to conceive my first son. When he turned two I still had not had a PPAF. My hubby wanted me to wean but I didn't want to. I looked at it like this...I did not want to deny the needs of the child I already had in favor of a child I did not yet have. In other words my son was there in the flesh and had needs. My second child was still only a desire but not in this world yet with no gurantee that he would ever be. So I decided not to wean. Two weeks later I got my first AF and 4 months later I was pg.

Good luck to you!
 

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I'm trying to concieve and nursing also and nope, I don't want to wean hmy DS. I wouldn't want to steal away the last ties to babyhood. Of course, I haven't had trouble conceiving before and I'm not yet 30. I can certainly see why time constraints could be more urgent to others.

I've been ttc for 5 months now (3 long cycles) with no luck and it has crossed my mind that I may have to wait until DS is weaned to get/maintain a pg. I really feel that it would be unfair to him to take away something that is so meaningful just because of my own personal time agenda. I'm not planning on weaning fully but I may limit his nursing further in the fall if I'm not pregnant then. He has been nightweaned for about 8 months.

It sounds like you are going to try night weaning first. Maybe having a regular stretch of eight or more hours without nursing will help. You could try waiting a cycle or two to see if that does help.

Why does your Doc feel that it's definitely the nursing? Have you had your hormone levels tested? Are you sure that he is a strong breastfeeding supporter?

Also, my boys are 8 years apart and they LOVE each other and play together all the time. My older Ds will even include his little brother in games when he is with his friends. My siblings and I are all more than 3 years between and we always played together as well. My sister, who is four and a half years younger, is still one of my best friends.
 

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I voted yes. I didn't need to because I got pregnant when ds was 11 months and still nursing. I made a commitment to make it to at least 2 with breastfeeding. If I made it that far, I would have weaned if I needed because I have health problems that aren't getting any better. They make pregnancy very difficult and I wanted to have 2 kids. I feel if I had waited much longer, I would be putting myself at more risk. It is a hard decision to make. You have to go off of what makes you comfortable and the cues from your child. You also have to do what feels right for your family.
 

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I would try the injectibles or a few more rounds of clomid before trying to wean. It seems like your toddler still really needs to nurse. I think that if you weaned her and then continued to have fertility issues that you would regret it. However, perhaps you could distract her into a cutting out a few nursings?

I can totally relate as I am in your shoes. I just couldn't wean my son, though. So we ended up using Clomid.

Big
's to you! The best of luck with ttc #2!!!!
 

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I'm confused because my doc told me that Clomid can't be used while bf-ing and the company says that too. I know lots of docs and companies say this to be on the safe side, but is it really safe?
 

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I voted yes I would wean, I am unable to get pregnant while nursing but no problems getting pregnant while not nursing. I wanted to offer support over the spacing in ages though. My older two 8 and 5 yrs have a great relationship, but they have an equally wonderful relationship with their baby brother 10 months. I notice amazing behaviors on their parts that enhance the babies life tremendously, which are just not possible with a two year age difference. I wish you all the best of luck with the decision you make. I hope you know that you have done a wonderful thing for your child nursing this long, and it is okay to stop if that is what you want to do, for whatever reason.
crystal
 

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Coleslaw,

I spoke with my pediatrician and my LLL leader about using Clomid while breastfeeding. My pediatrician stated that "in the book" it says that it can stop your milk production and that it is used to help women dry up after giving birth when they're not breastfeeding. He stated that it is not harmful to the baby.

Then I spoke with my LLL leader and she said that it only seems to cut your milk supply if you have an infant. Once your milk supply is well established then it doesn't seem to affect it at all.

In my experience, it hasn't seemed to affect my milk supply. My DS is still nursing as much as ever. HTH!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thank you everyone for your replies. I really appreciate the varying viewpoints.

Right now I think we're going to try low-carb eating to induce ovulation (which is the ONLY way I've ovulated since conceiving dd nearly 3 years ago - and that was only twice) before anything else. It seems to work really well & in conjuction w/the Glucophage I'm taking, should help. If by the end of the summer nothing, I will either try the injectibles or wean. I'm praying it works naturally (w/out meds), but if doesn't & that's what I need to do to have another baby, then, that's what we need to do. I'm only 30 now, BUT I want to have at least 2 more kids & that is also something I need to keep in mind, since I do have problems getting pregnant.
 

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I voted that I'm not sure b/c I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I strongly believe in CLW (I didn't feel this way in the very beginning but the conviction grows stronger w/ each passing month). I know that EBF has such wonderful benefits to both mother and child and it is ultimately the biological norm. On the other hand, we've been TTC since last Nov. I've been having regular cycles (though battling an SLP) since 12 monsths PP. I'm starting to feel like we'll never be pregnant again. Ppl tell me the nursing must be keeping me from getting pg, and sometime I wonder too. However, If I'm having cycles and O'ing, how can the nursing be preventing pg?

Quote:
i think it was Mothering Your Nursing Toddler that said something along the lines of giving the child that you DO have priority over the one that doesn't yet exist.
I think this is what ultimately gets me. If I were to wean, and still not conceive for many months, I would be so regretful. I know weaning would be traumatic for DD. She is very attached to her "nee nee." I love it too.

I think the most I'd do is nightwean. Actually, we started nightweaning, then gave up (b/c of sickness and holidays, etc) and she actually nightweaned on her own. Now, she's back to nursing a lot at night. I'm worried it's going to cut short my LP again, which only the last couple of cycles has finally lengthened to 10 days (then 12 w/ B vits). I don't much like the idea of nightweaning either, but I think I would do that if it helped me conceive.
 
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