[SortaCrunchy]

I guess I should start with a confession. I have fallen into the TV Trap.

I have an 18 month old wonderful daughter, and a lot of the time I just don't know what to DO with ourselves all day. We live in South Texas, so right now it's really only feasible to play outside in the mornings until about 9:30, and we usually do that every morning. We generally run a few errands each day just to get out and about, and have story time at the library once a week and Bible study where she plays with other kids once a week as well. She takes one nap a day in the midday.

But the rest of the time - what can I do?! We live in a small townhouse so we don't have lots of room for her to roam. I always feel guilty that I am not providing enough intellectual stimulation for her. Also, she LOVES Dora and PBS Kids, so that is often an easy "out" for me . . . she will watch happily while I work in the kitchen or do other chores. But I do not want for that to become a habit for her (or me).

She is delayed in developing words, so I guess that adds to my guilt - that I am somehow not doing enough to help her talk. (She does sign though.)

I guess my biggest confession is that I sometimes wonder if I am being selfish for being a SAHM. It has always been my dream to be at home with kids, even when I was in high school and college. But then I hear about all the neat things my friends' children are learning and doing at day care/day school, and I can't help but wonder if I am depriving her of that to meet MY need to be a SAHM.

I have a degree in English Education, but when it comes to providing learning activities for a toddler, I feel hopelessly incompetent. I need help - what can I be doing to be a better SAHM?

Thanks, mamas. I highly, highly value your feedback.

 

[Twocoolboys]

Quote:

Originally Posted by daceysmomma I guess my biggest confession is that I sometimes wonder if I am being selfish for being a SAHM. It has always been my dream to be at home with kids, even when I was in high school and college. But then I hear about all the neat things my friends' children are learning and doing at day care/day school, and I can't help but wonder if I am depriving her of that to meet MY need to be a SAHM.

I think it sounds like you are doing an awesome job getting outside everyday and going to the library and bible study.

I have never been in the camp that believes that young children need tons of structured activities to learn. I am also not totally against tv watching, even though it is easy to get to a point where it is on more often than not. That sometimes happens with us as well. Usually when the weather gets extreme, like you mentioned. It was too hot for much outside activity here a few weeks ago and in the mid-winter, it gets too cold.

When we get in a bad tv rut, I will make our home tv free for a week or so. I started this after my ds's school had tv free week. We participated in it and it was so effective in forcing us into some new habits, that I do it now and again. It forces us to be more creative. And forces me to research activities a little. There are some great websites for ideas. Familyfun.com is one.

I also like to do one hands-on, messy activity at the kitchen table with the kids almost everyday. So, painting, making cookies, playing with dry rice (the boys love this), glue, anything you can think of. I have done things like bringing some boards in the house to use as makeshift balance beams (not on the kitchen table - lol) and making forts out of sheets.

I do think children learn a great deal simply by helping with chores, too(though it CAN be frustrating to have a toddler "helping" all the time, but maybe just get her more involved if she is not now). They also learn from lots of reading, singing and dancing, and these are activities that you can do easily at home.

Field trips are great learning opportunities too and don't have to be expensive. A trip to the pet store to look at the kittens and puppies is fun (you just have to be careful not to come home with a new pet if you don't want one - lol. We were taken in by a cute little kitten on a day we weren't planning on buying one. Of course, we love her lots and can't imagine our house without her, but that is a different subject.)

 

[Mama Poot]

We have a TV but we do not have cable or satellite- and that's on purpose. When I had my first, I would watch TV while I was nursing him, or keep it on when I was washing dishes, cleaning house, etc.....and by golly that TV was ALWAYS on! I'd had enough of it. DS was getting older and needed more interaction, so when we moved I said no cable or satellite. Its a waste of time and money. It is amazing the things that get accomplished and the things you come up with when you're not watching TV. I suggest unplugging the TV and putting it in the basement for a week and see what happens. Undoubtedly you'll find SOMETHING to do.
I wouldn't worry about providing stimulation for your DD. You guys do waaaay more than we do- but we don't have a car to go places in the daytime, and we have a large backyard to play in so its not a big deal. Also keep in mind that while your friends might be talking about all these "benefits" of daycare, too many times daycare exposes your child to things you really don't want them exposed to. ( junk food, MORE tv, illness, etc.. )
Could you make a little "classroom" or learning/play area for DD? I would designate an area for this, get a little desk and chair, crayons, markers, paper, finger paints, and lots of newspaper or old sheets to protect the floor- anyway make a spot where she can mess around and be creative. You mentioned she goes to story time once a week at the library. Have story time once a day at home too! My oldest is only 1yo but he loves books and loves when I read to him. That might even speed up her talking/vocabulary. I think you are on the right track with everything you're doing....but I'm going to go back to the TV thing. I'm serious about this just unplug it and stash it away somewhere. There will be lots of time for reading, playing, coloring, all sorts of things once the TV isn't there. *yawn*....sorry I hope this made sense...I'm tired

 

[turtlemama77]

I agree with pps...if you're getting out of the house regularly, you're already ahead of the game. When you're out, talk to your dd about what you're doing and where you're going. She's probably old enough for some special job, like holding something for you (my dd likes to toss things into the grocery cart for me). Showing her how to do things like put books in the libary book drop or handing money to a cashier...those are important life skills!

What are your expectations for language development for your dd? You mentioned that she's delayed, and I was thinking about my dd who is just a bit older (almost 20 months) and really doesn't talk a whole lot yet, either. I don't know your story, but your dd may not be as delayed as you think. Talking to her about what you're doing, reading to her, singing songs...all those things help with language development. If you talk to the librarian who does storytime, he/she may have ideas of games/songs you could share with your dd. My dd loves songs with actions, like The Wheels on the Bus. It's not something you need to be doing all day long, but here and there is fun!

I totally understand the TV Trap. My ds is a month old, and I've been relying on TV way too much so I can sit and nurse him. dd has started asking me to turn the tv on if it's off...yikes. I never intended for it to get that bad! So what I've done is make a concious effort to just turn it off. I watch a news program in the morning, and then turn it off until after lunch (I put in a show for dd while I'm nursing ds to sleep...right before her naptime). It's hard though once you're feeling dependant on it because it's so easy.

I try to get dd involved in household chores, too. She has a step stool so she can see what I'm doing in the kitchen. She helps put laundry in the washer/dryer, helps "fold" (which means she strews laundry all over the floor, but will pick up and give me pieces so I can fold them). I taught her how to wipe things off with a damp rag and how to dust with a little duster. She hands me dishes from the dishwasher so I can put them away. It's not perfect by any means, but she feels so important when she's doing her little jobs. And yes, things take longer.

Another thing I did was look into preschool resources to see if there were some activities I could do with dd.

 

[SortaCrunchy]

Oh thanks, mamas! You are making me feel so much better. It's just so hard when you have never done this before, KWIM?

I do try to talk to her as much as possible throughout the day - whether we are home or out. And I have started trying to have her "help" with chores - she LOVES to unload the dishwasher. Those are great ideas to show her how to dust, "fold clothes," etc. I hadn't thought of that.

Mama Poot - I love your idea about the classroom area. I had set up two storage bins side by side for her to color on, but I think I will cover it with a sheet or something so we can do more messy, hands-on stuff there.

Turtlemama - As far as language goes, Dacey does not have any words. At all. When she was about 9 months old, she would say "kitty" and "mom" and "dah" (for daddy), but that's about it and she never even says those. At our 15 month check-up, my pedi said that she might be a bit delayed because she didn't have a 5 word vocabulary yet, and if she still isn't talking at 2 years, she would give me a referral to ECI if I wanted it. So, I am TRYING to just go with the flow and not obsess over it. She has been "later" than most her age on everything from rolling over to walking, so I know she is just one who does things in her own time, not when the developmental charts say she should. I guess it's mostly my own insecurities that cause me such concern.

ANYWAY - thanks so much, mamas. I really appreciate the feedback and would love to hear more if anyone has any to add!!

 

[vermonttaylors]

Is there a Waldorf School near you? Whatever your opinions on Waldorf for the long-run are, they have a great parent-child program called MorningGarten. It is usually one day a week for 2 or 2 1/2 hours in the morning. Or there may be a Montessori school with a similar program. My kids love MorningGarten, especially my ds who really enjoys the calm but participatory nature of the sessions. He can be a little wild and rythm and nature of the activities is great for him.

I have to say, you sound like a great and thoughtful mama. Just asking the question is half the battle. And I have been EXACTLY where you are in my day!

 

[SillyMommy]

Have you seen the toddler activity thread here? I don't have the link offhand but it's awesome!!

 

[SortaCrunchy]

There's a toddler activity thread?!?!? No - haven't found that. Will definitely look for it (Toddler forum maybe?)!

While I would love to have something more formal (like a Waldorf school), we are REALLY tight on money (because I am a SAHM), so it's really just the Mommy Show most days.

 

[melissel]

I'm lurking here today (fantasizing

) but I had a couple of quick thoughts. First, because I have always worked from home, my DD1 has always watched a ton of TV, and she was a way early talker, so I don't think TV would have anything to do with that at all. Second, if you're letting her watch, take the opportunity to sit with her and chatter at her about what you guys are watching. Flesh out the lessons and morals and ideas and concepts with her. Make it extra quality time. Third, you've already gotten gread advice here, but whenever I feel like we're in a rut, I just start surfing the web looking for homeschooling and homepreschooling stuff, and I always find cool ideas for things to do. Fourth, I'm sure someone already said this, but at that age, just involving them in the things you do around the house (i.e., stand on a chair at the sink next to you, use a plastic knife and play doh while you're chopping veggies for dinner, use a damp rag to "help" you dust, etc.) keeps them so entertained. I used to stand at the washer and throw wet clothes to my DD1, and she'd put them in the dryer. She still loves that game

And it's so hard to be "on" all day for a toddler, so give yourself a break about it, too.

 

[LolaK]

You mentioned that you have a small townhouse so you don't have a alot of room to do stuff. We also have a small house and I have felt in the past that it is filled with crap toys that she has outgrown or just isn't that interested in. I have a friend who is a playroom genius and she gave me some links on toys. Basic premise is that there are a couple of different kinds of toys and all you need is one of each to have a great selection. You do not have to spend a lot of money, go yardsaling, check craigslist, etc. Also sell some of your "crap" toys to make money for more useful toys.

http://www.best-child-toys.com/toddler-toys.html

The one thing I notice it is missing as a category is sensory toys (sand, water, dump/fill).

You'll notice that some categories overlap. For instance, you can have a puzzle that also is a sorting toy.

I'd say that the "must haves" are a good set of blocks, a few different shaped/sized balls, one or two puzzles, nesting cups, two or three dolls (one hard one soft), a few dress up items, can be from your closet, two or three musical/shaker toys, one push and one pull toy, and a ride on toy with wheels. So that would be what you put out for her to play with in the house, and if you get more in each category, you can rotate them in.

Hope this helps make the house more fun. I also run errands just to have something to do sometimes. Do you have a local LLL or API group you can join? I actually have made some mom friends from those groups and it is great to be able to call one and say "I am bored can you come over and play?" Makes life much easier when there is another mom to talk to.

I think it would be great if you could try some of the TV free suggestions that others have posted. TV is not great for language development, I am sure someone else can post links to a study - I have to go my daughter is waking up from her nap.

 

[SortaCrunchy]

Oh WOW! Thanks for that link!!

I am part of the local LLL group, but most of those mamas are either pregnant or have littler babes (well, I only just started going - maybe in the next few months there will be some moms there with toddler aged kids). I am going to my first ever API meeting at the end of this month, so maybe I will meet some like-minded mamas there! We have friends in town, but most of there kids are older, so it's hard . . .

But wow - yeah, thanks for all the great insights!

 

[melissel]

Cool link!

Also, check out the Holistic Moms Network, ours is a great diverse group.

Good luck!

 

[newcastlemama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Poot We have a TV but we do not have cable or satellite- and that's on purpose.

Us to (we usually get 3 channels) and I still can get in a TV rut. When this happens I post a list on the fridge of all the things there are to do besides TV...it helps when I am too tired to be creative!