[jes_mar_wak_hod]

Ok DP just told me about this conversation him and his aunt had on yahoo and I had him type it out. I could go on and on for paragraphs about how <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> this makes me and how sad her distrust in a woman's body is, etc. But I will let you do that! You all are smart and I know you'll crack me up with what you have to say about this. But yeah, I am going to email her. I need some good, backed-up stuff to say! And some snarkiness. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> BTW, Brandon was a bit offended that she didn't think he could CHECK DILATION. LOL this is just nonsensical.<br><br>
Valorie - So do you know how many centimeters she has dialated.<br>
Brandon - Nope. But I am going to check tonight.<br>
Valorie - You CAN'T do that!<br>
Brandon- Why not ?<br>
Valorie - How many years of medical school have you had? How do you know what to do?<br>
Brandon- It is pretty simple. Stick your fingers up the vagina, if you feel a hole, open your fingers. And that is how you can tell.<br>
Valorie - You can't do that. What if you accidentally break her water or something. If you do, you risk the her and the baby with an infection.<br>
Brandon - Not going to happen.<br>
Valorie - Do you know what station and efficement is?<br>
Brandon - Yeah. But it is spelled effacement.<br>
Brandon - It is where the cervix like is thinning or it dilates.<br>
Valorie - The doctor won't even let us check the paitents at the office. I was born at night but not last night. And you are dumb to think you are capable of checking dialation. Because you can't.<br>
Valorie - Well, this is a quack job but I hope you have a healthy baby.<br><br>
THE END <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[Intertwined]

Oh LORD!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
It's ok for a doc to check you because they went to SCHOOL for it but poor DH might just accidentally break your water??? (which *could* technically happen for either person).<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:

 

[AuntG]

I don't know why you want a comeback. Sounds like he handled it just fine.<br>
Not everyone is going to agree with everyone all the time.<br><br>
You made this decision because it is right for YOU. And that's all you need to know. There isn't any point in trying to make people come over to your side. Laugh it off -- if you don't you are only hurting yourself! This is your time to relax and be at peace!<br><br>
Besides, she is only doing the best with what she knows. Same as you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">

 

[jes_mar_wak_hod]

Oh, I just thought a couple funny comebacks would be good. I know that it will probably be pointless to tell her anything, but I can't help but inform ppl when they are are that %$^%$^#$!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[TxMominCT]

Oh my! I don't know what to say! That's the one of the most brainwashed things I've ever seen! I am perplexed!

 

[NatureMama3]

he handled it great!<br><br>
what a busybody! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I'm pretty sure you can't just break water with checking dilation, else they wouldn't come at you with the crochet needle to do it in the hospital. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[jes_mar_wak_hod]

yes, and to make it worse, she is a nurse!!!!

 

[wombjuice]

What pisses me off is not that she (simplemindedly) disagrees with your view, but that she resorted to name-calling like a 13-year old child! What the heck?! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Honestly, I don't think she's worth your time. If you really want to write her an email though, I'd skip the birth info and simply tell her that her name-calling was childish and hurtful, and that you want nothing more to do with her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I'm sorry you and your DP have to deal with this so close to the birth, but I'd try my best to just forget about it for now. You've got more important things to worry about. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[chaoticzenmom]

How about this.<br><br>
I'm really mad that you talked dh out of checking me for dialation. I've been looking forward to it for months..if you know what I mean<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
Or...How on earth can animals give birth with nobody to check them for dilation? It's just not possible!<br><br>
Or...Here's a copy of Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Natural childbirth...We've found it to be very impowering against the crazy notion that women can't give birth without being told how to do it.<br><br>
Just some ideas.<br>
Plus, I totally checked myself for dilation every day for a month! The cervix varies so much in just a matter of hours that it's not even that reliable. All it would take is for one thought of your dh's aunt to close you right back up. Check yourself...or have him check you in a dark room, completely relaxed. Make sure you laugh<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
Lisa

 

[elmh23]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I love how he corrected her spelling!

 

[LavenderMae]

Yikes. Nothing you say will likely make her see. I think your dp did a good job though!

 

[GinaRae]

It's not like he's performing an epidural on you with needles in the spine. Muh lord, woman!<br><br>
The nurse thing sometimes does that to a person. My mom is all against a homebirth and as a nurse is traditional and feels it needs to be at a hospital with trained people. Even though the midwives are trained and I have no reason to fear anything...

 

[myjulybabes]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jes_mar_wak_hod</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7972791"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Brandon- It is pretty simple. Stick your fingers up the vagina, if you feel a hole, open your fingers. And that is how you can tell.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
My dh had a comeback focused on this line. Says your dp should have added "And before she was pregnant, we called it a good time!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Now I'm not sure it doesn't take some practice to measure dilation, but then again I've never tried. But it can't take YEARS of medical school to play "guess how big that hole is".

 

[2bluefish]

DH has a nurse aunt like that. Told us after our first she really hoped we'd never try that again (homebirth). She's the type that sits by me while I'm nursing then says stuff like "he didn't nurse very long." My baby is small and her bottlefed nephew is the size of a small apartment. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> We just ignore her.

 

[momazon4]

I have no comeback. I'm not sure that somebody with this mindset would be able to HEAR anything!!! I would avoid her like the plague, at least until baby is born. If that isn't possable for family reasons I would just refuse to discuss it!<br><br>
BTW, your dh handled the whole thing really well.

 

[homewithtwinsmama]

I go over how to check dilation in every one of my childbirth classes. Its not that hard. My midwife preceptor taught me how to find and do it on other midwifery students. Anyone who has done NFP already knows how to find the cervix so the measuring of the openness just takes practice or a tape measure with cms to check when you pull out. A cervix that is closed feels like the end of your nose. A cervix that is effacing feels like your pursed lips, but with varying degrees of rigidity underneath the outer part of it. It is a true circle. If it doesn't feel like a true circle then you are in a vaginal fold. Move on. The cervix is not always front and center. In pre and early labor it is often posterior and sometimes it helps if mama puts her hands under her hips to help bring it forward as you check. It can also be to the left or right as you put your two fingers in. Station is trickier to teach but honestly most folks can figure out if baby is high or has been coming down after two checks. The actual number doesn't make so much difference to a lay person birthing on their own anyway. Breaking the waters is highly unlikely. Doctors often have to use a hook and really work at it. An accidental break is rare. Effacement is easy if he has checked you prenatally then he can feel what your cervix feels like in terms of length and softness and then its not hard to say its a bit softer with a ridge (25%ish), A lot softer but still with a bump in it (50%ish) or completely soft and pliable(75%ish) or flat and pretty much out of the way(100%).<br><br>
Doctors like women to think they are dumb and incapable so that they are easily controlled in birth. Too bad your aunt fell for it hook line and sinker.<br><br><br>
Valorie - The doctor won't even let us check the paitents at the office. I was born at night but not last night. And you are dumb to think you are capable of checking dialation. Because you can't.<br>
Valorie - Well, this is a quack job but I hope you have a healthy baby.<br><br>
THE END <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">[/QUOTE]

 

[rmzbm]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:

 

[littleteapot]

Oh man, I find that 99% of the time it is ALWAYS worse coming from 'nurses'.

 

[AKmoose]

I love how your dp handled it...and the pps have some great comments...but my response would involve something about who cares how far dilated I am - what does it actually mean anyway?? The baby will still come out...when it's time. I get a lot of comments about, "how will you know when you're at 10?" As if somebody has to announce it before the baby can be born...

 

[SublimeBirthGirl]

She sounds like an idiot, but she's not wrong about the risks of exams. I didn't want anyone probing my cervix.