[mommy2abigail]

I am working with dd (17 months) on falling asleep alone. I actually love cuddling with her at night and for naps, but she is taking over an hour to fall asleep. I can't be in bed for that long. I have other kids to watch during the day, and at night, it's the only time Iget with dh. We co-sleep. I dont want to change that. However, I can't leave her because she can get off our bed and will. I've tried to lay there and not let her sit up, everytime she does, I'll lay her back down and say night night. Or I've left the room, she actually doesn't get upset, she sits up and plays. And when I go back in to lay her down, she laughs and lays down real quick before I get to her. It's a game. And it's very frustrating. Today I yelled at her. Twice.

And loud. I scared her and she started to cry.

I hate getting to that point. I need another plan. I know she is tired because she is yawning and rubbing her eyes. But the second her eyes droop, she rolls around to wake herself back up. If she had a crib that she couldn't get out of, I'd CIO. Seriously. I am so frustrated and I dont want to yell at her ever again. She had no idea why I was yelling. That is not me. Do we just skip a nap all together? She would do that. She hates sleep. But then I have a super cranky, clingy kid for the last 4 hours of the day. And I dont want that either. She wont nurse down, well maybe once aweek, but not on a regular basis. DO I just leave her in there (as long as she's not crying) and walk out? This is awful. It's been like this for a few weeks. She's never been a good sleeper, and I think my presence is making her slap happy. She just rolls around and tosses and turns so that she wont sleep. She needs WAAAAAYYYY more sleep than the 10 maybe 11 hours she gets. Please help. I am at the end of my rope here.

 

[josybear]

i have no suggestions but mountains of sympathy. i hope this works itself out soon for you, mama.

 

[Voltige]

:

Same problem with my 11 month ds. . . .

 

[rzberrymom]

DH and I put 18 month old DD to bed together, and it seems to send DD to sleep much much quicker. We all climb into bed, read some books together, and then we lie down and talk about what we did that day in really quiet boring voices. She usually turns over on her belly and we take turns rubbing her back. This way, DH and I get time together, and DD goes to sleep faster--I think she likes how social and cozy it is.

As an alternative, you could have your DH try putting her to bed at night. Many DH's are brilliant at getting a kiddo to sleep when they'll only be squirmy for mama.

 

[mommy2abigail]

Thanks for the replys. Unfortunately, dh can't really help with this, cause dd screams bloody murder for him. I know she would sleep it I walked around with her, but that's getting very hard with a 17 month old! Plus we are working on nighttime sleep, and her being able to roll over and fall back asleep with out waking me. I like the idea of both of us being in bed, at least for nighttime. It may help her like dh better!

 

[Voltige]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rzberrymom DH and I put 18 month old DD to bed together, and it seems to send DD to sleep much much quicker. We all climb into bed, read some books together, and then we lie down and talk about what we did that day in really quiet boring voices. She usually turns over on her belly and we take turns rubbing her back. This way, DH and I get time together, and DD goes to sleep faster--I think she likes how social and cozy it is.

When DH and I get in bed together, ds thinks it's PLAYTIME!! He crawls over us, around us, giggling and laughing. . . it's really cute but also annoying.

 

[mom2owen1]

ahhh, the sit up - lay him/her back down - game. that is sooooo frustrating! my ds and i play that game daily (usually). he is 21 months old and thinks it is hilarious. momma doesn't quite agree. we also cosleep. i have gotten frustrated enough to yell and it feels awful! i never want to do that again.

what i have been doing is trying to wear him out in the mornings. it is best if i schedule something out of the house and have him fall asleep on the way home. nighttime really isn't as bad as naptime, but we have our days there too. it is worse for us if daddy tries to do bedtime or if he is even in the room with us. daddy = play. i also find that if i switch things up he falls asleep faster (like nursing in the rocking chair for a few days, then nursing in bed for a few more, etc).

is getting out of the house for a drive or walk to wind down possible? i know you said you have others ones, but not sure how many and if they would tolerate it.

if you did just let her be by herself in the bed (content, obviously) do you think she would eventually sleep? if she were older i would say even if she didn't that would probably be fine, as the quiet time would most likely recharge her batteries enough to get her through. but at 17 months i am not sure.

and to be honest, i think CIO would make things way worse. if she didn't know why you were yelling, she certainly isn't going to know why you aren't coming to help her when she calls you. she may just need more time to accomplish what you are expecting.

sorry i haven't offered much help! i hope things get better soon.

 

[majikfaerie]

what worked for me was not having a "bedtime" where I tried to put dd down to sleep. if I saw her playing games like, that, I would just leave the room and let her decide to go to sleep or follow. in general, she got up, played some more and eventually would fall asleep in my lap on the sofa or whereever and I'd carry her in to bed. We still do this, actually, at 3 years old.
Also a good sling helped.
I guess in the end sleep is a very personal thing, and you have to experiment a bit to find out what works for you (and the first law of parenting states, of course, that as soon as you work out the perfect system, then your kid will grow out of that "phase" and you have to start all over

)

 

[alegna]

Will she not nurse to sleep? Honestly, I'd stop fighting it for awhile. Give it a week or so of not fighting, just let her sleep when you sleep and see what happens.

-Angela

 

[mommy2abigail]

I am such a bad mama. Yesterday, after fighting with her for over an hour and ending up yelling, I left the room. When I cooled off and went back in, she had pooped. Of course she wasn't gonna sleep, she had to potty!

I agree about not fighting it. I think she is picking up my tension and she wants to stay with me to make it better or something, so she fights the sleep. I wont let her CIO, I just was so frustrated yesterday, and I never want to yell at her again. I did go in and apologize, cuddle and nurse her again. I told her mama was wrong to yell, and that I would work on it. I told her I love her so much and want her to be healthy so she needs some sleep. Today she fell asleep in the car, so she's been sleeping great for an hour! I think I have to keep her up a little longer before her nap. She tries to fall asleep at around 11 am, but that results in a short nap and a cranky baby from 5-8 pm. Today she slept from 1-2 pm and has been much happier.

 

[mom2owen1]

i am glad things went better today! we all have days (weeks) of frustration

 

[EyesOfTheWorld]

If she gets up and plays, will she play herself to sleep? Eventually?

I spent hours and hours trying to dd1 to sleep, but after dd2 was born it just wasn't an option - I needed to be attending to dd2 too and I didn't have a spare 3 hours to fight my other daughter to sleep! Finally she just starting "reading" herself to sleep. She's now in her own room (we had to move her out so I could get the baby to sleep or she'd wake her up on purpose) and sometimes I can hear her on the monitor flipping through books for 2 hours! But she's happy and eventually goes out. I also notice she falls asleep much quicker if I put her to bed earlier, maybe move her bedtime up by 30 minutes or so? Good luck mama!

 

[aurora.maia]

Sometimes I find the same situation, too.
DS just won't sleep, though he looks tired and rubs his eyes.
I've tried to sing for him, read him books, rock him....... but he's still awake... ..fiuuhhh...

So, I just let him sleep whenever he wants to sleep. If he still wants to play, we play together til he's tired and asks for milk.

Oh, and I always rub his forehead.. that works lots of times!

Cheers,
- aurora -
who is often desperate in putting DS to sleep. LOL

 

[Oka-san]

Have you tried giving her a nice warm bath right before putting her down for bed at night? My DD used to take a long time to fall asleep, and it was similar behavior - she'd giggle and play until she finally drifted off, requiring me to be there the whole time. Sometimes it took an hour or so.

But recently I've started a new nighttime routine where she gets a bath right before bed, and the difference is totally amazing. As soon as we get her dried off and into her jammies, her eyelids are drooping, and she'll fall asleep within 10 minutes or so. Sometimes we nurse, but sometimes she doesn't even want that. The warm water just relaxes her to the point of practically passing out.

And I get to snuggle with a sweet clean babe each night too. Try a bath, you might just see a huge difference.

 

[lnitti]

my 28 month old is just the same way. She will not fall asleep on her own. She requires to be cuddled to sleep in bed.

I really wish I knew how to change that.

 

[nubianamy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oka-san Try a bath, you might just see a huge difference.

Baths really jazz up my dd!! I was hoping nighttime baths might calm her, but she gets even squigglier after a bath.

 

[mommy2abigail]

Yeah, we did baths, books, playing, earlier bedtime, later bedtims, everything. And she wont play herself to sleep...I wish! I get nervous leaving her alone because she 1. tries to get off our bed, which is really high, and 2. if she does get off the bed, she's very quietly gonna get into stuff! It's been going alot better these past few days, she can definately sense when I am frustrated, and she will fight sleep like mad on those days.

: But I am working on it. Last night she slept for 7 hours, something she has NEVER done in her whole life! So today I feel like a new woman.

 

[MBA]

We are on the same mission in our household. We, too, have tried everything - later bedtimes, earlier, nursing to sleep, holding to sleep, letting her do whatever. I, too, have yelled, left the room, and she has cried in response to my anger

. I decided 2 days ago that laying in there with ehr and putting her back down over and over again is just a recipe for disatser, because I find it so annoying. I don;t care if she;s awake a little longer. DH and I decided to throw out the whole sleep plan. We've logged countless hours trying these things and sticking to them, with no results. our current plan is to wear the hell out of her in the AM, and hopefully she falls asleep on the way home from the outing. i also am not allotting time for 2 naps, just one....so we now play/go out/be active in the AM rather than do the AM nap. It's working somewhat. Also tonight she did what many people have said their kids do, and I thought she never would....she fell asleep on her own, in the middle of the playroom. She just laid down next to me and fell asleep. I have no clue what to do, I agree that the kids need sleep...but maybe it's OK to let them get a bit overtired for a few days and see if they give in a little.

Other good advice I have thouht about lately - changing up the routine....setting your personal limit ahead of time, so you don;t get so frustrated, and just let her get up and be with you at that time until you are ready to try again.....Oh, and also we moved DD to a futon mattress on the floor in her own bedroom because of the mobility factor. Her room is 100% safe in there are a few books and soft toys in there to play with, but not much else, and a gate in the door so we can see her but she can;t quietly escape into mischief. This way, I can take a break if I need it, and we have some personal space.

Good luck and hope some more good advice appears....

:

 

[emmalala]

I don't know if this would work, but I found that at a certain age, my presence was actually distracting them from sleep. They wanted to play and I wanted them to go to sleep and it became a game.

So then I would just sit on the bed and sing, not lie down at all. And then gradually over a couple of weeks, get so I could leave the room and not have him/her freak - go into the next room and do something/anything that makes a little noise so they know you are not far away, say you have to check on something, etc. but come right back. And put on music and maybe a nightlight instead... Gradually make it so it is OK to lie in bed by yourself and know that mom is not far away. You could sit in the room and read or sing or knit or whatever and gradually move your chair a bit further away. Don't put all your attention on the child though, just be present...

HTH

 

[LoveChild421]

having the same problem here- I was just about to post about it! Ds is 17 months and has always nursed to sleep but now its not working (his usual routine is bath, quick massage, and nurse to sleep)- he has gone to sleep at 12:30am every night this week- dp and I are at the end of our ropes- we have tried just going with the flow and it doesn't make a difference. It only makes things worse if we let him play- it seems no matter when we start trying to put him to sleep or how sleepy he is he fights sleep tooth and nail. I have also yelled...3 days in a row...loudly...I have brokedown crying about it after ds finally goes to sleep and I am in there holding him. I can't believe I could yell at him. Something has to change- this has been going on for 2-3 weeks now and dp and I just cannot take it anymore. I am starting to think I have made a big mistake when it comes to sleep- I know CIO is not the answer but I don't know what else to do- I am depressed, sleep deprived, and busting out in tears just thinking about it and knowing that I have to go through it all again tonight.