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<p>My friends and I are kind of at a loss about how to deal with this. We have all been friends since childhood and are now in our mid-30's. A few of us still live in the area where we grew up, but others are living elsewhere now.</p>
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<p>We are very concerned about our friend A. She has been living far away from all of us for years now, so we only see her once or twice a year maybe. My friend S talks to A every day. My friends M and K and myself talk to/email with A far less frequently but still, of course, care a great deal about her. During her teen and early 20's years, A was concerned about her weight, but at no point was she ever overweight/chunky. She played sports in high school and was fit. Her mom was always concerned about and struggled a bit with her own weight. Her father was verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive and I don't know/don't remember if he ever teased her about her weight. She has had/has issues with depression and anxiety. She also has (non-yet-symptomatic) MS.</p>
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<p>Starting about 4 years ago we began noticing that she was losing a lot of weight. About a year and a half ago things kind of came to a head... A and her husband were driving a few hours to meet S and her husband to go snowboarding. During the drive A started having seizures. Her husband took her to a local hospital. It was determined that she had had seizures because she had been off her MS meds for a while because she was trying to get pregnant. Some of us were concerned that the seizures could have been related to starving herself. So over the course of the next few months we all took the opportunity to talk to her about our concerns. She admitted to not eating enough. S said that when she went out to dinner with A and A's husband a few days after the seizures that A not only was very careful to not eat a lot (enough!), she also criticized her own husband for eating and kinda forced him to stop eating (he's an average, slender-ish guy). When I spoke to her I came at it from the TTC angle...that she needed a healthy BMI to conceive. She did eventually become pregnant after deciding to do in vitro - she claimed at the time she needed to do in vitro so she could get pregnant ASAP so she could get back in her MS meds. Apparently she just admitted to S that they did in vitro only because she wanted a baby ASAP and that her Dr. says it's fine for her to be off the meds until she done having all the kids she wants to have.</p>
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<p>I saw her when she was pregnant, and I did see her eat while she was pregnant, but aside from her belly she was still super skinny.</p>
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<p>I saw her yesterday for the first time since the baby was born (baby is 6 months) and I was shocked by how skinny she looked. Her face looks gaunt, her hair and skin is dull, her pants looked loose on her, her hands look too big for her arms....I haven't seen her with bare arms of legs for a few years, so I don't know how her limbs look. I can't imagine that any doctor could look at her and not think that there's a problem. We're not sure if she on any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety right now. She has sometimes talked with therpists (psychologists) but has never stuck with it. She's in total denial about her lousy childhood. By some miracle, she is able to nurse her baby.</p>
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<p>I asked about her husband's work schedule and whether they get to eat dinner together. She said in a kind of off-hand way "oh, well, I don't eat that much, but, yeah, we do get to have dinner together." S said that A told her she never cooks, so I don't know if her husband cooks for her or they get take out...</p>
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<p>She did eat a bowl of soup that I made (DH and I each ate two bowls) and a small piece of cake when she was over.</p>
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<p>So...my friends and I feel like we need to talk to her about this again, but my friend M brought up the fact that it could be...weird/not helpful to take one of the few times we ever see her to say "we think you (still) have an eating problem" and then kinda send her on her merry way all the way across the country where we're not physically present and able to support her. We can't really keep tabs on her. S says she often doesn't believe the things A tells her over the phone.</p>
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<p>Do we say something? Say nothing?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We are very concerned about our friend A. She has been living far away from all of us for years now, so we only see her once or twice a year maybe. My friend S talks to A every day. My friends M and K and myself talk to/email with A far less frequently but still, of course, care a great deal about her. During her teen and early 20's years, A was concerned about her weight, but at no point was she ever overweight/chunky. She played sports in high school and was fit. Her mom was always concerned about and struggled a bit with her own weight. Her father was verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive and I don't know/don't remember if he ever teased her about her weight. She has had/has issues with depression and anxiety. She also has (non-yet-symptomatic) MS.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Starting about 4 years ago we began noticing that she was losing a lot of weight. About a year and a half ago things kind of came to a head... A and her husband were driving a few hours to meet S and her husband to go snowboarding. During the drive A started having seizures. Her husband took her to a local hospital. It was determined that she had had seizures because she had been off her MS meds for a while because she was trying to get pregnant. Some of us were concerned that the seizures could have been related to starving herself. So over the course of the next few months we all took the opportunity to talk to her about our concerns. She admitted to not eating enough. S said that when she went out to dinner with A and A's husband a few days after the seizures that A not only was very careful to not eat a lot (enough!), she also criticized her own husband for eating and kinda forced him to stop eating (he's an average, slender-ish guy). When I spoke to her I came at it from the TTC angle...that she needed a healthy BMI to conceive. She did eventually become pregnant after deciding to do in vitro - she claimed at the time she needed to do in vitro so she could get pregnant ASAP so she could get back in her MS meds. Apparently she just admitted to S that they did in vitro only because she wanted a baby ASAP and that her Dr. says it's fine for her to be off the meds until she done having all the kids she wants to have.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I saw her when she was pregnant, and I did see her eat while she was pregnant, but aside from her belly she was still super skinny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I saw her yesterday for the first time since the baby was born (baby is 6 months) and I was shocked by how skinny she looked. Her face looks gaunt, her hair and skin is dull, her pants looked loose on her, her hands look too big for her arms....I haven't seen her with bare arms of legs for a few years, so I don't know how her limbs look. I can't imagine that any doctor could look at her and not think that there's a problem. We're not sure if she on any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety right now. She has sometimes talked with therpists (psychologists) but has never stuck with it. She's in total denial about her lousy childhood. By some miracle, she is able to nurse her baby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I asked about her husband's work schedule and whether they get to eat dinner together. She said in a kind of off-hand way "oh, well, I don't eat that much, but, yeah, we do get to have dinner together." S said that A told her she never cooks, so I don't know if her husband cooks for her or they get take out...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She did eat a bowl of soup that I made (DH and I each ate two bowls) and a small piece of cake when she was over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So...my friends and I feel like we need to talk to her about this again, but my friend M brought up the fact that it could be...weird/not helpful to take one of the few times we ever see her to say "we think you (still) have an eating problem" and then kinda send her on her merry way all the way across the country where we're not physically present and able to support her. We can't really keep tabs on her. S says she often doesn't believe the things A tells her over the phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Do we say something? Say nothing?</p>
</p>
